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Janis Joplin’s DNA Zombie Attacks Maserati Corporate HQ

When Alfieri Maserati began making luxury performance vehicles in 1914, it is unlikely that he could have predicted the continued appeal of his vehicles over a century later. The same could be said for both Karl Benz and Gottlieb Daimler, who founded Mercedes-Benz in 1926. As automotive critics debate the attributes of the Maserati Ghibli vs Mercedes E Class,...

Now YOU Can Fight Conor McGregor (’s 3rd Cousin Twice-Removed)

On Saturday, August 26th living rooms, barrooms, man caves and vaguely homo-erotic boxing and mixed martial arts gyms nationwide were captivated by the highly-promoted fight between UFC Mainstay Conor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather Jr. Whether or not the immense commercial success of the fight would inspire future mixed-format pairings remains to be seen. But garnering national attention is one event...

Crack Smoking Cowboy Confused By Ad Terrorizes Dealership

Bethesda, MD - Businesses of today are all-too-conscious of the risks associated with a lack of security. From banks to convenience stores, shopping malls to car dealerships, the challenges are ultimately the same. Owners and management must be diligent in all aspects of their operations, often relying on technology as their most trusted ally. But if technology such as...

30+ Failed Color Options Obtained Exclusively by The Lemon

Back in the day, consumers appreciated the opportunity to choose from any color that wasn’t some generic variation of black or white. Nowadays, car brands seemingly offer their customers dozens of paint options as they’re building their new car. Some of these exclusions might seem a bit odd, but you’ve truly seen nothing until you explore some of the...

BMW Offers ‘Safe Place’ for New Customers

The experience of buying a new car can be frustrating and wrought with uncertainty. But upgrading to a luxury vehicle can be downright intimidating. It’s the automotive equivalent of worrying that you’re under-dressed for the fancy restaurant that you chose in the hopes of impressing your date. Am I using the right fork? Why are there no prices on...

Cincinnati To-Blame For Man’s ‘Death By Indifference’

What’s Cincinnati like? Meh. With all due respect to the city’s population, anyone who has visited the Queen City would answer the question the same way. In fact, it’s a well-established fact that any reply indicating general indifference is appropriate when discussing most staples of Cincinnati culture. Think the Bengals are going all the way? Meh. How that Goetta taste? Meh. Overlooked for...

Maserati Halts Production, Cites Vehicles’ “Sexiness”

Several months ago, a devastating crash in Detroit resulted in life-changing injuries to several “women of the night.” In an odd twist of events, Maserati was blamed for the collision… and these allegations means you’ll no longer be able to visit a Maserati dealership in New York… In an unprecedented move, Maserati has decided to end production on all of...

Exclusive Look at the Failed iJeep

Back in the days, before the iWatch, iPhone, and iPod, Apple was teaming up with a renowned car manufacturer to producer an innovative and futuristic vehicle. In documents acquired exclusively by The Lemon, Apple founder Steve Jobs was reportedly working on an “iJeep,” an SUV that was intended to revolutionize not just the segment, but the entire automotive industry. Even...

Four Vicious Car Reviews That Leave No Survivors

If you’re like me, you scour the internet for cringe-worthy content. If that’s the case, wait until you get a load of the cruelest car reviews of all time! Many of these pundits aren’t afraid to attack any aspect of a car, and one of these online reviews even led to a writer losing his job! While this information...

The Wrong Way To ‘Arrange’ Auto Loan Financing

Phone in-hand, I was just about to research a car loan on Google, when I was interrupted by a knock on my door. Placing my phone down the arm of my couch, I told my 11-year old daughter that I’d be right back, and made my way to front hall. Opening the door, you can imagine my surprise at finding...

Local Parent’s Suffer Extreme Buyer’s Remorse After Choosing Wrong Car

Lately there have been many reports of extreme buyer’s remorse sweeping the nation - in fact, Buyer’s Remorse is reaching near-pandemic levels among car shoppers. The ailment seems to be primarily afflicting middle-aged parents who are forced to decide between SUV’s that seem similar on paper, but are actually vastly different in person. We’ve decided to speak on-the-record to...

5 Must-Have Used Cars from Craig’s List

It’s a story as old as time. John Q. American is looking through used cars trying to find the perfect vehicle. Maybe it’s for his own use. Perhaps it’s a second vehicle for the household. It might even be for his licensed child.The first step is finding that diamond in the rough, the proverbial ‘needle-in-the-haystack’ that will bring happiness out...

The Difference Between ‘Bucket List’ and ‘F*ck-It List’

Throughout August, Americans raced to their favorite convenience and package stores, to secure their chance to win (what would become) a record-setting $758.7 million Powerball drawing. The winner would be a resident of Chicopee MA, who beat odds of 292.2 million to one, to become the sole winner of the life-changing jackpot. The morning after the drawing would bring an...

Toyota Wants You to Treat Your Vehicle Nicely

We’ve seen vehicles that include concierge services, automatic crash response systems, and even autonomous driving. Now, Toyota is revolutionizing the industry by engineering trucks that have “feelings.” In a set of documents that were exclusively acquired by The Lemon, it was revealed that several upcoming Toyota trucks will include the brand’s unique “Emotional Feeling” functions. After years of seeing customers...

The Gassed & Injurious

Like many Americans, Frank Topomi suddenly found himself in need of a new vehicle. Unfortunately for Frank, it was just days away from his wedding to (then) girlfriend Theresa Kumon. With dozens of friends and family members due to arrive, and fine-tuning required for the rehearsal dinner, car shopping was the last burden that either of them wanted to...

What’s in a Name?

Disclaimer: I’m not saying you HAVE to be high to do this (but it helps). At some point, or another, most of us have passed a minute or two of our lives performing a certain simple exercise. Repeating a word, even the simplest of words, over and over again until it no longer makes any sense. No seriously, pick a...

Competitors Conspire to Make the Mazda SUV Their Bitch

In 2017, no-one likes a bully… Unless, of course, you’re a bully with genuine self-confidence, then there’s a good chance that you feel pretty good about yourself. Lack of self-loathing aside, bullies now find themselves locked within the cross-hairs of society’s loaded gun. With the masses growing less and less tolerant of any individuals or group that targets a weaker...

Car Accessories You’ll Need for the Zombie Apocalypse

Right now, zombies are clearly all the rage, as you seemingly can’t change the channel without seeing an undead person stumbling across the screen. However, I don’t think these television executives and producers are necessarily giving in to public demand. Rather, I think they’re trying to warn us and prepare us for the impending zombie apocalypse. Well, I couldn’t stand...

Chevy Producing Orange-Fueled Cars

We recently learned that Britain would be banning the sale of new gasoline and diesel cars by the year 2040. While the government is seemingly assuming that consumers will opt for electric or hybrid cars, Chevy is already working on a different type of engine…and this new innovation could ultimately influence the entire automotive industry. This will be an...

What Post-Divorce Dating Could Learn From Certified Pre-Owned Programs

Two cute young adults laughing and holding flowers
When shopping for your next vehicle, you tend to decide upfront whether you’re looking for something brand new, and shiny with all the coolest new features - or if you’re in the market for something a little more broken in, with some mileage on it. If you’re opting for the latter, it’s always nice when you can get some...