Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, readers of all ages gather around and bear witness to automotive journalism beyond all others. Wait… now my brain is stuck on the phrase, “bear witness,” and I’ve forgotten what I was saying. All I can think about is a full-size bear up on a witness stand in court, giving testimony and answering questions. Oh my god, he’s wearing a little tie and nervously fidgeting at a small brimmed hat that he had been wearing before he came into court! His name is Rudolpho, and even though he told the police he hadn’t seen anything that night, they didn’t believe him, and now the prosecution is raking him over the coals trying to get answers to questions that have him confused. Leave him alone, you jerks!
Wait, where was I? Oh right. The 2022 Volkswagen Jetta vs the 2022 Hyundai Elantra and taking a look at which one is better. Well, folks, I’ve done the research, and I can tell you right now—wait, now Rudolpho is ready to speak about that night; all of the pieces are falling into place. He did see a man running away from the scene, but it was dark and he was some distance away so he can’t say for sure whether it was the defendant!
Reason #1: Superior Standard Engine
Any time you compare vehicles, you always want to look at the engines because so much of your driving experience depends on them. The 2022 VW Jetta features a single engine—a 1.5L I-4 Turbo, while the Hyundai Elantra has two engines available. Looking at the Elantra’s standard engine, however, it’s a 2.0L I-4 that might sound better than Volkswagen’s engine, but it’s really not since the VW one is turbocharged. The Volkswagen engine gives you 158 hp and 184 lb-ft of torque, while the Elantra’s standard engine delivers just 147 hp and a meager 132 lb-ft of torque.
On the night of August 23rd, 2020, an assailant broke into the home of one Domingo Yen; according to the police report, a struggle ensued, and in the attack, Mr. Yen was killed. There were no fingerprints found at the scene other than those belonging to Mr. Yen, nor was blood or other forensic evidence discovered that could identify the assailant. Still, after three days, local police arrested James Van Der Beek (no relation) and charged him with the murder.
Reason #2: More Standard Transmission Options
Looking at the engines on these two models, the VW Jetta gives you more options without paying more for a second, available engine. With the Jetta’s standard engine, you can choose either a 6-speed manual transmission or an 8-speed automatic. The standard engine for the Hyundai Elantra comes with a Continuously Variable Transmission (CVT). Other options are only offered with the available engine. While some people like a CVT, I tend to prefer the classic feel of a traditional transmission.
While investigating the crime, the police discovered that a local sloth bear may have seen the assailant fleeing the scene. Rudolpho, the bear in question, was interviewed by police and said that he thought he saw someone running away from the vicinity of where Mr. Yen lived, but he couldn’t be sure. Unhappy with this answer, the police detained Rudolpho and continued questioning him for seventeen hours without any breaks. The results of the rigorous questioning were rough at best, but the investigating officers concluded they supported the charges they had already filed against James Van Der Beek (no relation).
Reason #3: Standard VW Digital Cockpit
The 2022 Volkswagen Jetta comes with the innovative VW Digital Cockpit technology standard, which provides you with a great deal of information in a driver display for you to utilize. By comparison—
Once on the stand, the prosecution pushed Rudolpho to repeat the claims that the police had managed to extract from him over the lengthy and exhausting questioning. Although nervous at first, one look toward his loving wife and those kind eyes that would always be with him, and always support him was all it took for Rudolpho to find his courage and his voice. Yes, he remembered seeing someone fleeing the scene, but he couldn’t say for sure that it was Mr. Van Der Beek (no relation). He wouldn’t be pressed into giving a false statement. Not again!
Rudolpho lifted his head, his full mane of fur bristling with pride and the honor of generations of sloth bear ancestors. His moment was at hand. The prosecution shouted and raged, objected to their own line of questioning. A single tear slid down the cheek of James Van Der Beek (no relation) as he nodded his appreciation toward the noble, gentle beast on the stand. The judge told Rudolpho he could go; he stepped down, crossed the crowded courtroom as he breathed slowly, reaching the loving arms of his wife at last, and collapsed against her in dignified exhaustion. His family name would stand for integrity once more.
Editor’s Note: We investigated this case, and despite Rudolpho’s testimony, the jury found that the case against James Van Der Beek (no relation) was far too compelling. After all, the police wouldn’t arrest an innocent man nor railroad him through the legal system with the Attorney General and prosecuting attorneys as willing accomplices. Despite an overwhelming lack of evidence, James Van Der Beek (no relation) was convicted and is currently awaiting execution at [Name Redacted] Penitentiary. A defense fund to appeal the decision has been started by Rudolpho, who in the weeks following the trial became good friends with Mr. Van Der Beek (no relation) and stands steadfastly by his side. Thank you.
