Chapter VI: In Which a Letter Is Received and Answered
As an impartial witness to the machinations and madness of the auto industry, I try not to get directly involved in the lives of...
3 Reasons Why the VW Jetta Is Better Than the Elantra
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, readers of all ages gather around and bear witness to automotive journalism beyond all others. Wait… now my...
Blinded By The Light: New LEDs Allow Drivers To Rev Up Like A Douche
For Jake Levy, the hunt for a new SUV boiled down to two choices: the 2022 Jeep Grand Cherokee L vs 2022 Kia Telluride....
Crossovers for Karens: Terrain vs CR-V
Crossovers, especially small crossovers, are the ideal method of transportation for the Karen on the go. They are simple and easy to...
Boddums Up: GMC Sierra or Ford F-150?
Hello readers, and welcome back, once again, to my award-winning series in which I take letters from you, sent to me, and provide answers...
The Lord of the Compact Crossovers: The Two Transports
As a woodland elf, there is only one thing I love in this world. That’s getting the best of dwarves. While my people sought...
Bravely Going Where No SUV Has Gone Before
The best thing about owning a compact SUV is all the wonderful things you are able to do. Not only can you climb up...
The Best off-Roader in the Universe Is Not a Bronco or a Jeep
Hello, fellow mud-heads! Boy, have I got exciting news for you. I was planning to break down a 2021 Ford Bronco Sport vs 2021...
The Chevy Trax and Buick Encore are Definitely Not the Same
Dear readers, I’m known for three things: the vague scent of ham that follows me everywhere, my love for soup served piping hot in...
People’s Choice: The Cadillac XT6 or Buick Enclave?
Listen up, you misbegotten collection of ill-tempered household pets, freeway wanderers, and mind-swapped war criminals in the bodies of potted plants. (Yes, I know...
It’s A Car! No, It’s A She-Shed!
What if we took two perfectly innocent and respectable SUVs, the 2020 Chevy Equinox vs 2020 Hyundai Santa Fe, and assigned them even more...
Boddums Up: The 2020 Jeep Compass Conundrum
Good day readers, I’ve got a treat for you. You see, I’ve become something of a celebrity over the last few months as my...
2020 Ford Fusion vs 2020 Hyundai Sonata: Which one will make a better Desert-Marauder...
As the world tilts ever closer to the jaws of oblivion, it becomes more and more pervasive in the zeitgeist of popular culture that...
The Traverse vs Durango: By the Numbers
Choosing the right midsize SUV is hard – there’s a reason most people request a few days off from work in order to pick...
Surviving The Murder Hornets and a Global Pandemic: The Rise of the Mobile Safe...
Gone are the times when we could compare vehicles solely on their performance and handling merits. We long for the good old days when...
Blue Man Group Offended Over Term Bluetooth, to Sue Car Companies That Use the...
Blue Man Group, the famous musical and artistic performance group, sent shockwaves through the automotive industry this Wednesday. Believe it or not, they made...
Nothing I Say is True
Friends, I care very much about your time, your interests, and the needs and wants of your loved ones. I’m a generous and kind...
Controversy Hits the 2020 Sedan Bowl
This year’s Sedan Bowl was set to be a divisive face-off between the 2020 Ford Fusion and the 2020 Chevy Malibu. A rapid red...
I Can Beat Up the Chevy Malibu and Ford Fusion
The Internets, such as they are, are awash in articles, blog posts, videos, and thought-implant-imagery telling you what vehicle you should buy. If you...
Ford Begins Manufacturing Masks for 2020 Ford Expedition
In an attempt to boost sluggish sales, stop climate change, and appease the snowflake liberal media in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, Ford...
