Crossovers, especially small crossovers, are the ideal method of transportation for the Karen on the go. They are simple and easy to drive, full of driver aids to keep even the most ardent Karens from injuring themselves or others, and have huge amounts of interior room for all the items Karens return to the store without a receipt. But all that unreturnable merchandise that all true Karens must dutifully attempt to return needs a singular mount, and they must choose between the 2021 GMC Terrain and 2021 Honda CR-V. And that choice must be made quickly, so that said Karen could get back to screaming at and badgering minimum wage workers who just want to go home.
The first and most important part of Karen crossover ownership is that said crossover must be extremely easy to use. Karens are liable to take the slightest inconveniences and turn them into world war sixteen, so every facet of a crossover’s operation must work with perfect clockwork intuitiveness. And that’s intuitive for a Karen, which is a very challenging engineering and ergonomic feat.
On this front, both the Terrain and CR-V somehow manage to make a passing grade, with tall stances that allow a wide range of Karen body types to easily slide into the driver’s seat without effort or fuss. As we all know, Karens require their entire existence to be without effort or fuss, especially the things they put so much effort into fussing about.
Where the GMC Terrain begins to pull ahead of the Honda CR-V is when the Karen in question attempts to turn on the radio, to listen to her favortie hateful talk show to give her that daily dose of entitlement she so desperately craves before attempting to return all those un-returnables.
The Honda’s infotainment system is alright, but the Terrains is so easy to work with that even a Karen can set it up instantly, even while wearing her signature scowl about the items she broke.
Driving away in her standard fury, the Terrain’s turbocharged engine provides more torque than the Honda’s unit, giving the Karen that satisfying punch of acceleration to remind her that instant gratification is indeed possible.
During the Karen’s mad dash to the store, both the CR-V and the Terrain’s safety systems would get a workout, even saving a few pedestrians’ lives with automatic emergency braking. Even if Karen had the reaction time to stop for people crossing at the crosswalk after blindly screaming around a blind bend, it’s an open question whether she’d actually try to stop or not. Thankfully, the Terrain and CR-V know nothing of cruelty, only safety.
Once she arrives at the store, and after making her standard scene, she is escorted out by annoyed police officers who have seen too many of her kind and must rely on that final important part of a Karens automotive requirements. Storage space for coping food.
Karen drowns her sorrows in candy bars and potato chips, tweeting angrily via the Terrain’s available 4G LTE wi-fi hotspot.
You know, despite their terribleness, perhaps the Karens are on to something.
If a crossover can handle a Karen, it can handle anything.