What Your Jeep Says About You (and Other Models)

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Two Jeep wranglers are shown passing each other while waving, driving past a man with his arms crossed.

Anyone who has ever owned a Jeep or knows somebody who owns a Jeep is probably familiar with the super-annoying secret wave they give each other as they pass while cruising down the road. The secret Jeep wave is a code between Jeep owners that began many years ago and is an unspoken gesture of camaraderie and superiority. Let’s cut to the chase; the secret code is nothing more than flashing the peace sign, and not only is it tiresome and ignorant, it’s completely childish. Just because you will buy a 2021 Jeep Wrangler 4xe, it doesn’t make you special or a part of a cool club. And if you think that the secret wave is the only stupid thing Jeep owners do, you must also believe in Santa Clause, think Nickleback is a good rock band, and believe in QAnon conspiracy theories. We hate to stereotype people in general, but it is a ton of fun stereotyping Jeep owners.

Do We Just Judge Jeep Drivers? No.

There is a long list of common stereotypes about cars and the owners who drive them. You have the suburban middle-class mom with two kids who spends her days taking them to piano lessons, soccer practice, and school in a minivan. Thanks to the roomy cargo area and automatic sliding doors, it’s the perfect vehicle for those trips to Sam’s Club to buy six month’s worth of canned chili, frozen burritos, and Xanax, and when it’s her turn to bring snacks to the soccer tournament.

If you drive a Volkswagen Beetle, chances are you are a female or clueless male attending college, probably in a fraternity or sorority, and think you are the quirky type, but in reality, you were spoiled as a kid, still are, and skip class to attend some self-righteous sit-in at the library.

And then there are Buick owners. Whenever you see a Buick crawling down the street at a snail’s pace, you can be confident that nobody under the age of 72 is behind the wheel. Looking at a Buick, it screams old. The parking lot at the local bingo club and any flea market parking lot will be full of them.

Muscle cars like the Camaro and Challenger are often owned by people with more money than common sense. Have a conversation with one of these airheads, and they are all too happy to tell you about how cool their car is, and how cool their chrome wheels are, and how cool their fiberglass hood is, and just take a look at the very cool flame decals stuck all over the car. And if they aren’t talking about their damn car, they are telling you a story about that one time they outran the cops or that one time a girl actually talked to them about something other to ask them if they wanted fries with that burger.

We should also touch upon truck guy, but we promise to keep it to a minimum as time and space is short. Truck guy is an easy stereotype because you can tell who they are by just looking at them; you don’t need to actually see the truck to know that they own one. Truck guy works hard, plays hard, and leads a simple life, except when it comes to his truck. Sure, truck guy lives in a trailer park, and his trailer isn’t even a double-wide. And you can bet that he sinks more money into his truck every month than he does on rent, groceries, and dog food for his six Rottweilers.

Most of us choose a vehicle that reflects our taste and personality. We also choose cars that tend to make a statement because we identify with this in a meaningful way. This is why when you see a Toyota Camry, you can assume whoever is behind the wheel has absolutely no personality. Sure, the Camry is a great investment that will give you reliable service for hundreds of thousands of miles, but it is a dreadfully boring ride, which says a lot about those who drive them, or says very little about them as the case may be.

A green and tan Jeep Wrangler, the predecessor to the 2021 Jeep Wrangler 4xe, is shown sinking in the mud.

Getting to Business – WTF Is Wrong With Jeep Drivers?

Drive through the parking lot at the local sporting goods store, and you are sure to spot a group of Jeeps all parked next to each other. Normal people prefer to park where it is most convenient, close to the entrance of the building or away from other vehicles. But no, Jeep owners are obsessed with parking next to each other, even if it is way out of their way. What’s worse is that many of them will park with one or two wheels on the curb or parking block, which is just downright stupid and arrogant.

Vehicle manufacturers go through a lot of time and effort to produce the perfect ride. When a car, truck, or SUV comes off the factory line, it is fully-functional and road-ready. So then why do Jeep owners have to immediately have it modified? From tall, skinny wheels that look like they came off a stagecoach circa 1850 to chrome tailpipe extensions that Matchbox and Hot Wheel designers laugh at, they make their Jeeps laughable. There is something to be said about minor modifications that actually enhance the looks or performance of a vehicle, but Jeep owners take it way too far.

Jeep owners take note; a set or two of foglights serve a purpose and will enhance the look of your Jeep, 14 fog lights, enough to light up Paris for a week, mounted in ridiculous places like the hood and side mirrors are overkill and look quite tacky, we would hate to see your bedroom at your mom’s house.

We get it; it’s pretty cool that you can take the doors and top off of your Jeep. Wrangler owners love taking their tops and doors off and enjoy the air swirling about the inside; honestly, many of us would, but sometimes they take it too far. If your top and doors are off on sunny warm days in the summer, you are doing it right. But if your top and doors are off in inclement weather or the dead of winter, you have officially gone too far and deserved the mockery you receive.

It’s bad enough that pickup truck owners battle each other to see who can mount the biggest, baddest, and most tacky wheels on their rides, but now Jeep owners feel it is better to go bigger as well. The phenomenon that is the bro truck has jumped models and been taken up by Jeep owners, and it is a movement hated by most reasonable people. Bro Jeeps are the new bro trucks, and huge lifts, big wheels, and aftermarket grilles certainly set your Jeep apart from the crowd. It also sets you apart from people with common sense.

Next On the Chopping Block: Jeep Hybrid Drivers

As bad as Jeep owners can be, Jeep hybrid owners take it a step further. It’s like two stereotypes all wrapped up in one arrogant turd. Hybrid guy is bad enough, but mix in the Jeep idiocy, and you have a person whose own mom denies their existence. You know all about the hybrid driver, that tree-hugging, granola-eating hippie who rides an e-bike to work, flips off diesel truck owners, and orders water with a lemon wedge at the restaurant; they are the scourge of society. The only type of person who could possibly be worse is Jeep hybrid person. Imagine if your liberal, Berkeley-educated, vegan friend owned a hybrid Jeep Wrangler; that’s like dividing anything by zero. And you know what’s worse? We know all this and the model isn’t even out yet.

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