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Ford Announces: All-New Lincoln Lucifer SUV

A pair of keys are held in front of Lil Nas X.
Recently, rapper and online “personality” Lil Nas X made headlines with his limited run of “Satan Sneakers,” which were seemingly designed by a 15-year old that had just left Hot Topic and was asked what kind of shoes would match his black fingernail polish. Not to be outdone, Ford has announced that they are currently working on an all-new...

Minimum Wage Proposal Has Pennsylvania Used Car Dealers Prepping for Sales Boom

A Group of Judges hold a sign that reads 'ALL OF PENNSYLVANIA’S NEIGHBORING STATES HAVE RAISED THE MINIMUM WAGE'
Renewed discussion in Harrisburg about a minimum wage hike has many Pennsylvania used car dealerships licking their chops in anticipation of a potential car-buying boom. The state’s current minimum wage, which has held at $7.25 for the last 12 years, is among the lowest in the nation. The federal minimum wage is also currently set at $7.25, meaning that...

The Days of the Granny-Mobile Are Dead Thanks To Buick Stereotypes

A man in a Dr. Seuss hat is standing with Sponge-bob Outside of a Buick dealership after being cancelled.
Cancel culture and political correctness are everywhere, and it has now crept into the auto industry. The latest victim of cancel culture is the Jeep Cherokee, which has recently come under fire for using a Native American tribe name for over 50 years. It’s a valid argument, sports teams and corporations have been dropping logos and names depicting first...

Amazon Launches New Online Car Shopping Website for Employees

Jeff Bezos is dressed as Dr. Evil with an Amazon box after online car shopping.
Eager to advance the news cycle after a recent disastrous attempt at a social media “clap back,” online retail giant Amazon is launching a new online car shopping website for its employees. The $1.7 trillion e-commerce giant has been in the automotive game since 2016 when it launched Amazon Vehicles as a resource for prospective buyers, but the new website...

Covington Ram Dealer: Development Hero

A man and a white Ram truck from a Ram dealer near Covington are behind the Kenton County sign.
Friends, my time in the auto industry has taught me quite a few things; perhaps most important among them, however, is that a good dealership (if such a thing exists) is one with real roots in the community. I’ve seen no few auto lots that grind through cars like fine hamburger and do everything possible to make a sale...

Chrysler Dealer Introduces Innovative Vaccine Initiative

A white car sports a vaccine sticker after leaving a Chrysler dealer near Black Forest.
There was once a time when people would talk to their doctor, listen to their advice based on expertise and years of practice, and know that they were receiving the best care possible. Fortunately, such a vapid, milquetoast era is well behind us, and we now know that every piece of scientific information and basic healthcare advice should be...

2021 Chevy Trax vs 2021 Honda HR-V – Subcompact SUVs create identity crisis for vehicles themselves

A car discusses its recent loss of the 2021 Chevy Trax vs 2021 Honda HR-V comparison in a psychiatrist's chair.
Who am I? Why am I here? These are questions we all struggle with from time to time. This type of philosophical introspection has been particularly widespread during COVID, with disruptions to our regular schedule causing many of us to step back and reexamine our very sense of self. While this egotistical navel-gazing might seem like a problem unique...

Ram Trucks Caves to Campaign to #ReleaseTheRamLease With New Terms

A man looks up at the RAM emblem wearing a mustache as he thinks about getting a Ram Lease.
Taking a page from the Warner Brothers playbook, Ram recently announced plans to offer a more expansive slate of Ram lease programs for those eager to get behind the wheel of a new vehicle. Executives say the revamp was inspired by the recent success of the four-plus hour Snyder Cut of the Justice League, which was released in March...

Auto Execs Feeling Twitterpated

image shows 10 people being censored with censored text over their mouths.
Once upon a time, really-super-smart people would say really-super-smart things, and only their close family, friends, and coworkers got to hear it. Now, however, we live in an exciting timeline where social media allows millions of people to be privy to every single thought from every single person. Some have called this the death of civility and the ultimate...

2022 Chevy Bolt EUV: Apathy, thy name is Chevy

An apathetic looking man is being handed a set of keys to a 2022 Chevy Bolt EUV.
A new electric vehicle from Chevy seems to be about as desired as a pudding-y fart in an overcrowded city bus…but here we are. Do you like driving a car with all the sex appeal of a soggy cardboard box half-filled with expired pancake batter? Do you love the thrill of the hunt as you try and...

Auto Industry Ready for Emissions Challenges

Joe Biden is next to a cow butt.
One of the major issues that the auto industry has been dealing with for the past few decades is meeting emissions standards as they’re updated and become stricter. Just last month, more than 80 members of Congress sent letters to the Biden administration asking it to reinstate the 2025 emissions goals that had been set by President...

Amidst Chip Shortage, Auto Industry Looks for Radical Solutions

Gloved hands are holding a computer chip, which is facing a shortage in today's live auto news.
My frequent readers will know that I have three skills: eloquence and a knack for crafting exquisite sentences, the ability to restate the obvious in a way that makes it seem like my original thought, and a resolution that allows me to remain calm in a crisis. And yet, my resolve is being tested by one of...

What Your Jeep Says About You (and Other Models)

Two Jeep wranglers are shown passing each other while waving, driving past a man with his arms crossed.
Anyone who has ever owned a Jeep or knows somebody who owns a Jeep is probably familiar with the super-annoying secret wave they give each other as they pass while cruising down the road. The secret Jeep wave is a code between Jeep owners that began many years ago and is an unspoken gesture of camaraderie and...

Crossovers for Karens: Terrain vs CR-V

A 'Karen' is shown shrugging about the 2021 GMC Terrain vs 2021 Honda CR-V comparison, with protestors in the background.
Crossovers, especially small crossovers, are the ideal method of transportation for the Karen on the go. They are simple and easy to drive, full of driver aids to keep even the most ardent Karens from injuring themselves or others, and have huge amounts of interior room for all the items Karens return to the store without a...

Honda Catches Up to 2018

A couple is standing next to a red 2022 Honda Odyssey.
Some people might say that the 2022 Honda Odyssey is out of touch, that it’s an unnecessary vehicle in the modern market. Others would argue that updating and supporting a minivan in a world overrun by SUVs is a fool’s errand or that it demonstrates how Honda seemingly has little understanding of what customers in 2021 are...

Women Don’t Care About Your Truck (and Other Painful Truths)

A woman is making a tiny penis reference with with fingers in front of a man in a lifted red truck.
Friends, and I use that word generously, it has come to my attention that there are a number of misunderstandings that circulate throughout the “Free World.” Among the most common of them is this: large tires on a truck convey a clear message to women that you are endowed with extraordinary girth. But listen to me now:...

Exclusive Interview: Honda Salesman Mark Bobkins Discusses the 2021 Civic

Mark Bobkins is standing in front of a Honda dealership with a silver 2021 Honda Civic.
It’s a cold, rainy evening in Georgia, and the fog is rolling across the hills, containing secrets in its folds. As the fog parts down on the street, a figure appears out of the darkness. One can only describe him as a car salesman––his blazer, patterned tie, and comb-over hair whipping in the wind. He says he...

Mars Rover Sorely Lacking Flair, Complain Gearheads

A man is shown standing on Mars in front of the NASA rover.
Traveling over 300 million miles in six months and landing with pinpoint accuracy, NASA’s Mars rover Perseverance is a marvel of modern engineering. Still, the $2.2 billion dollar vehicle hasn’t impressed everyone. “It’s alright, I guess,” says local gearhead Tony Warner. “It could really use a racing stripe or something, though.”

Cuomo Impeachment Investigation Unearths Ford Scandal

Andrew Cuomo is in front of the Ford building.
Beleaguered New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo was dealt a new blow this afternoon, and it hit him like a Certified Pre-Owned Ford F-350 with an optional 6.7-liter PowerStroke Diesel V8 engine doing 85 miles per hour up the New York State Thruway headed smack dab into the heart of Albany. That is because the Cuomo impeachment...

7 Alternate Uses for the Ford Raptor

A hand holding up two fingers and a hand holing up five are shown in front of a dark grey 2021 Ford F-150 Raptor.
The 2021 Ford F-150 Raptor has long been a popular go-to for stark-raving truck enthusiasts. Its fans are well aware of how capably this truck can pull enormous weight, trudge through intense terrain, and growl like no one’s business, but did you know that the F-150 Raptor can do more? Perhaps it's a lack of imagination on...