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The Best Nissan to Drive Based on Your Zodiac Sign

The zodiac calendar is shown surrounded by Nissan vehicles from a Nissan dealer.
There are probably a lot of factors you consider when stopping into your local Nissan dealer for a new ride. I’m sure you have a budget in mind, as well as performance and size requirements. You may favor capable all-wheel drive over efficient front-wheel drive, and heated front seats or a good sound system might be absolute musts. These...

We Talked to an Aging Honda Accord Who Argues for the Right to Commit Assisted Suicide

A maroon Honda Accord is shown in a crusher after leaving a lot that had used Hondas for sale.
One of the most controversial topics that have been heavily debated for the past few decades is euthanasia. Until his passing in 2011, Dr. Jack Kevorkian, known to some as “Dr. Death,” helped people who were terminally ill commit assisted suicide. There are those who argue in favor of euthanasia, insisting that people who are ill and live in...

Look Out Men: The Silverado Is For Basic B*tches Only

A pink 2023 Chevy Silverado is shown on a pink background.
I’ve always felt that pickup trucks like the 2023 Chevy Silverado have been marketed too heavily towards the rough, tough, DIYer types. But you know what? I truly believe that when you put the right spin on it, you could really sell the Silverado as the girly girl’s truck. It’s not just construction workers and moving companies that need...

Pregnant Women in the HOV Lane and Other Stupid Things

A road sign for an HOV lane is shown from a low angle.
As we all know, High-Occupancy Vehicle (HOV) lanes are designed to allow vehicles with two or more people in them to have their exclusive use, thereby encouraging folks to carpool together and cut down on the number of cars on the road. Simple enough. Recently, however, a state representative in Texas (named Briscoe Cane because, of course, he is)...

Subaru Celebrates the Crosstrek Because No One Else Will

A green 2023 Subaru Crosstrek is shown from the front at an angle while parked in front of fireworks after leaving a dealer that has a Subaru Crosstrek for sale.
The Subaru Crosstrek is definitely one of the crossover SUVs of all time, and there is no denying that fact. If you’re looking for a Subaru Crosstrek for sale, then you probably already know this, and you have seen that it has features and options available. There’s an engine within the Crosstrek that provides power to its wheels, which...

Basement Dwelling Incel Intimidated at the Prospect of Woman Driving a Truck

A woman is shown standing in front of a red 2023 Ford F-150.
A notable aspect of the automotive industry is its inclusiveness. It’s a world that’s constantly evolving, both in terms of technological innovation and the changing needs of consumers. Possessing no provisions on who can own a vehicle and benefit from what the major manufacturers produce every year, people from all walks of life are free to take part in...

Canada Achieves Automotive Superiority With the Announcement of Socialized Car Maintenance

Canadian flags are shown hanging near a dealer that has a used Nissan Qashqai for sale.
Good afternoon all; I'm Chris the Cannuck. Here in Canada, we've always taken great pride in separating ourselves from our foul-mouthed, annoying neighbours to the south. To be honest, it's very easy to see why. The Americans are a people who deserve sympathy for their complete lack of intelligence and inability to grasp basic concepts. Why, just the other...

Musk Announces Exciting New Tesla Features

The Tesla logo is shown on a white background.
Elon Musk is in the headlines every goddamn day, and I blame all of you for it. But since that’s what you – my dear readers – seem to want, that’s what you’re going to get. These days he’s been making waves with his spectacular leadership as he steers his newly-acquired Twitter into new realms of untold fortune and...

The Four Worst Used Chevy Trucks

A collage of used Chevrolet trucks is shown.
The Internet is arguably the single-greatest tool for research in all of recorded human history. Nothing else has ever created such a vast network of knowledge, nor made that information easily accessible to a huge swath of people across the world. But in this era of mass information, it can be difficult to parse all of this data and...

Chevy’s Alleged Mafia Ties Make the 2023 Ram 1500 Disappear Under Mysterious Circumstances

An empty car carrier is shown in the aftermath of a dispute between the 2023 Chevy Silverado 1500 vs 2022 Ram 1500.
Detroit, MI – The long and arduous struggle between law enforcement and organized crime can be traced back to nearly a century ago, with the onset of prohibition and bootleggers attempting to deliver alcohol to a nation that might have been dry but was also very thirsty. The gangland conflict has been glamorized for several decades in films and...

O.J. Simpson Recreates Infamous High-Speed Chase With a Nissan Kicks

A white 2020 Nissan Kicks is shown leading a group of police cars after leaving a certified Nissan Kicks dealer.
It’s been remarked before that any publicity, regardless of what the intention might be, is good publicity. With a new model year on the horizon and the competition among the different manufacturers stronger than ever, Nissan has taken great lengths to ensure that the 2023 Nissan Kicks is a hot item that everyone wants. Their choice to advertise the...

Why Do Karens Love SUVs?

Two SUVs are shown with three Karens at a used SUV dealer.
Every type of vehicle has a stereotype; it’s just one of those things. Subaru is the perfect match for the crunchy nature-loving granola type, while a middle-aged, balding man in a sports car screams midlife crisis! But there’s a new personality type that has risen to the high ranks of pop culture thanks to countless internet videos and memes;...

I Met the First Subaru Outback Driver That Isn’t a Treehugger

A green 2022 Subaru Outback is shown from the front in front of a tree after leaving a Subaru Outback dealer.
You've probably heard the rumors, murmurs, and jokes; Subaru Outback drivers are all total tree-hugging, granola-munching, PETA-loving hippies. Traditionally, if you pulled into the vendors' parking area of a Farmer's Market or natural clothing flea market, it would look like the lot of a Subaru Outback dealer. One woman was tired of the stigma and wanted to prove once...

GM Ships Industry to China

The great wall of China is shown near a Chevy dealer.
For those of you who were looking forward to the new releases for the upcoming model year from Chevy, Buick, GMC, and Cadillac, you’re in for a world of disappointment. Over the past few decades, many American companies have opted to have their goods manufactured overseas. China’s ability to mass produce consumer goods for a much lower price has...

Top 5 Reasons I Drive a Chevy Equinox

A red 2023 Chevy Equinox RS is shown from the front.
You might not know this about me, gentle reader, but I’m a of refined tastes and exceptional demands when it comes to a vehicle. And yet, even though that’s definitely the case, I looked at all of my options and chose the 2023 Chevy Equinox as the one and only vehicle for me. Why would I, a ...

Focus Group of White Males Determines Jeep Cherokee Is Not Offensive

4 people are shown talking after leaving a dealer that specializes in used Jeeps for sale.
There’s no doubt that cultural sensibilities have changed a great deal in recent years. Among the points of contention that are being addressed are the number of uses of Native American names and caricatures that are considered insensitive and only serve to further the stereotypes and institutional racism that have been examined as a part of CRT (Critical Race...

Chevy Announces Incendiary New Strategy

A blue 2023 Chevy Bolt is shown from the front at an angle.
If there’s one thing I know about the auto industry, it’s this: Lee Iacocca once celebrated a major promotion by eating a whole goose. The other thing about the industry that I can say with some confidence, just not as much as that goose thing, is that manufacturers will always follow successful trends. Why innovate when you can look...

Antifa Cancels Volkswagen in Response to Their Nazi Past

The symbol for the 2023 Volkswagen ID.4 electric vehicle is shown next to the VW logo crossed out.
Volkswagen has always generated excitement among devotees of the brand and those who critique the automotive industry. Their continuous efforts to offer more EV options to consumers and lower the number of harmful emissions released into the earth’s atmosphere are remarkable, to say the least. Currently, there are many consumers who are looking forward to the 2023 Volkswagen ID.4...

NY Truck Dealer in League With Communist China Angers Truck Drivers

A truck is shown from behind with the bed replaced with cardboard after leaving an Albany F-150 dealer.
ALBANY, NY - Local Albany F-150 dealer Wellington Cheapskate will appear in court this coming Sunday to appeal his conviction of selling trucks without beds. Mr. Cheapskate is accused, among other things, of removing the aluminum alloy beds of 12 F-150s and replacing them with cardboard. Mr. Cheapskate claims that everyone who bought the trucks did so willingly and...

Chevy Introduces Bold New Certified Pre-Owned Program

A blue 2022 Chevy Bolt is shown from the side after leaving a Certified Chevy dealer.
New cars are great; everyone knows that, but they’re also overpriced and lose massive amounts of their value the moment you drive off the dealership lot. For many people, a new car isn’t just a waste of money but an impractical choice they simply can’t afford. That’s why used vehicles are so terrific – but you never really know...