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It’s A Car! No, It’s A She-Shed!

A closeup shows a State Farm commercial playing on the infotainment screen of a 2020 Chevy Equinox.
What if we took two perfectly innocent and respectable SUVs, the 2020 Chevy Equinox vs 2020 Hyundai Santa Fe, and assigned them even more important jobs than they already have? By important jobs, I mean morphing into more than just transportation. I mean, we’re dropping roughly $30k for a friggin’ SUV. Should it not work for us and our...

Boddums Up: The 2020 Jeep Compass Conundrum

Side profiles of the 2020 Jeep Compass vs 2020 Toyota RAV4 are shown in front of an inbox of emails.
Good day readers, I’ve got a treat for you. You see, I’ve become something of a celebrity over the last few months as my articles and insider news have spread across the weird wavelengths of the Internet. As such, I’ve started getting fan letters from some of you, with all kinds of useful information and requests for insight on...

New Proactive Safety Technologies on the Horizon

Crash test dummies are shown in a lab with a blob monster.
Safety. Technology. Proactive. These are the kinds of buzzwords that sell vehicles, words that evoke a strong feeling that car companies are looking out for us and making sure we stay protected on the road. Never mind that they’re constantly pushing the envelope on how fast their vehicles can go, or that reduced speed is the single most effective...

Five Things You Don’t Know to Do When Shopping Used

A man is sitting in a white vehicle while shopping for used SUVs for sale.
Friends (and I use that term loosely), you’ve been lied to all your life. Lied to by your government, lied to by your religion, lied to by your parents and school teachers, and – perhaps most importantly – lied to by your auto industry. They all want you to believe that you can look at used SUVs for sale...

2020 Ford Fusion vs 2020 Hyundai Sonata: Which one will make a better Desert-Marauder after the Apocalypse?

A desert marauder has to choose between a 2020 Ford Fusion vs 2020 Hyundai Sonata during the apocalypse.
As the world tilts ever closer to the jaws of oblivion, it becomes more and more pervasive in the zeitgeist of popular culture that the end times are close to bear. Whether this will be the fall of Rome on a global scale or such a cataclysm to render human civilization not only reset but shackled to a dying...

The Traverse vs Durango: By the Numbers

In a comparison of the 2020 Chevy Traverse vs 2020 Dodge Durango, both vehicles are shown in white in front of numbers and an eye graphic.
Choosing the right midsize SUV is hard – there’s a reason most people request a few days off from work in order to pick the best option. Sure, you could take the time to look at the different spec sheets for various models, compare what each one has to offer in terms of their size, cargo capacity, engine power,...

How to Turn Your Chevy SUV Into a Zombie Destroyer

Mary Barra, the head of GM, is wearing war paint, holding spears and has a patch that reads 'badass mother' while standing in front of zombies.
Does the impending zombie apocalypse keep you up at night? Good, me too. Luckily for you, I have developed a foolproof way of protecting yourself from the hordes of undead that are out to eat your brains. This information is very important, so read carefully. I am going to outline how you can turn any of the many Chevy...

Research Indicates Space Aliens Prefer the Chevy Silverado 1500

Spaceships and a silver 2020 Chevy Silverado are searching the planet, shown from space.
Astute readers of mine know three simple, inarguable truths: the universe is an unknowable and horrifying place, Santa Claus is based on the Norse god Odin, and aliens from other worlds not only exist but have visited our planet on numerous occasions. While I’ve spent plenty of time discussing the realities of alien existence with my friends at the...

Let Me Tell You About the Most Reliable Car of 2020

Hands are on a ouija board that has the Ford and Chevy logos on it.
The most reliable car of 2020 was first designed and built on a small farm near the coast of North Carolina, in a town known, at least locally, as "Bbbpppppbbhh!" Before you go shopping for a new car, you’re going to want to take a little time to do some research and see what’s out there. Finding a vehicle...

Police Voice Concerns about Automated Vehicles

A group of people including Elon Musk and Michael Knight are at a podium discussing live auto news at a police press conference.
At a recent press conference, police officers and union leadership from voiced a number of concerns they have about the future of the auto industry. In particular, their worries revolved around the development of automated vehicles that will be able to drive themselves. I, myself, have some concerns about the safety of these vehicles and how well they’ll...