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Arby’s Now Offering Vehicle Service at Select Locations After Merger With Toyota

An Arbys Toyota Oil Change sign is shown next to food menu options.
2022 is more than halfway through, and shocking news keeps popping up that gauges our interest. In an age where corporations such as Amazon and Wal-Mart offer consumers an all-inclusive shopping experience, a new contender has entered the fold. It was announced earlier this week that American fast-food chain Arby’s and Japanese-based automobile manufacturer Toyota would merge. “This is...

Exclusive Car Buyer’s Guide

A Jeep, Ford, Chevy, and Rolls Royce are shown on an auto sales guide.
Friends, I’ve worked in and covered the auto industry for the better part of 60 years now, which makes me something of an expert when it comes to cars and auto sales in general. More than that, however, I’m an expert in car buyers and the kinds of people the brave men and women of our nation’s dealerships have...

Boston-Area Mall Tests New Drive-Thru Shopping Experience

A white SUV is shown inside of a Boston area mall.
“Money never sleeps” is what I believe a large, surprisingly eloquent gecko once said, and I can’t help but feel like it’s true – certainly in our modern capitalist society. And since the money is always talking, businesses across this great nation of ours are always on the lookout for new ways to bring in more customers. Recently, a...

College Bro Climbs Mount Everest in a Ford Explorer

A red 2019 Ford Explorer is shown on top of Mount Everest after leaving an all season tire dealer.
They said it would never be done. It’s improbable for people to successfully reach the peak of Mt. Everest on foot, and physically impossible to reach it by vehicle. Since the first British expedition up the mountain in 1921, dozens of lives have been lost attempting to ascend this Himalayan landmark. Why so much death and carnage? Turns out,...

Proud Boys Storm Ford Dealership After F-150 Loses Reader’s Choice Poll

A line of SUVs at a Ford F-150 dealer is shown.
It’s been over a year since the capital was stormed by a massive group of mouth-breathing mongoloids that we refer to as Trump supporters. With the ongoing trial of former president Trump, some optimistically believed that the country could continue the process of healing after it flirted with fascism. The white supremacist networks that seemed to gain confidence in...

New Car-Buying Strategies for Modern Times

Two people are shown shaking hands.
There was once a time long ago when giant sloths still roamed the land where you could simply go to a dealership, look a salesman in the eye, and tell them the price you were willing to pay for a car. It could be just a fraction above the invoice price, so low they wouldn’t be able to feed...

Weaponize Your SUV With These 3 Simple Tricks!

A black 2022 Terradyne Gurkha is shown parked in a wasteland after leaving an SUV dealer near you.
Dear reader, I’m going to start by pulling off the adhesive medical strip real quick: the world is ending, and we’re all doomed. I can’t say for sure if it will be due to increasing worldwide temperatures and melting icebergs or because drag queens are reading to school children, but something will definitely be the tipping point that sends...

Ford Explorer and Chevy Traverse: SUVs of Extraordinary Taste

Cows are shown loaded into the back of a Blue 2022 Ford Explorer and a silver 2022 Chevy Traverse during a 2022 Ford Explorer vs 2022 Chevy Traverse comparison.
Friends, if you’re anything like me, you won’t buy a vehicle – or even take it for a test drive – without doing a tremendous amount of research about it first. There’s no reason to waste your time or money on a car, truck, or SUV that can’t do what you need it to. When I’m shopping for a...

SCOTUS Votes 6-3 in Favor of No Longer Allowing Women to Drive Cars

An american flag is shown overlayed over a woman driving a car.
There’s no question that the automotive industry has made some considerable changes in recent years. While usually, these are related to technological innovation and bold new designs that many look forward to every year, a landmark ruling from the highest court in the land has shifted the paradigm throughout the entire industry and made ownership more exclusive than ever...

Electric Powertrain Revealed to Be Nothing but a Bunch of Gerbils

Gerbils are shown covering the hood of a white 2023 Chevy Bolt EV.
The EV revolution is in full force. Many manufacturers have been taking great strides in advancing their electric powertrains to alleviate the stress consumers are feeling over high gas prices and lower the amount of harmful emissions that are released into the earth's atmosphere every year. Coincidentally, many EV models are being announced as several manufacturers are unveiling their...

A Used Jeep Can Be a Trove of Lost Treasure

A diagram shows you places to look for treasures at a used Jeep dealer.
In my decades covering the auto industry, I’ve learned a few things: how to drink whiskey from a lady’s shoe at 3:48 in the morning, how to find water in a desert based on the shadow of a pelican, and just how poorly most people approach shopping for a used car. Your average customer gets so hung up on...

Car Possessions Are Surging!

A car is shown from the front in darkness.
When looking at the health of the auto industry, there are many different markers that people like to consider and signs that can help us understand how things are going. While some experts like to look at sales numbers and the market share of a given brand to see how the company is doing, I prefer a more holistic...

Ford Announces Prayer to Replace All Routine Maintenance

A Ford F-150 for sale is shown with the hood open.
The recent overturning of Roe v. Wade and the subsequent ruling that allows prayer back in public schools has caused quite a commotion, as well as division through the country. While many are outraged at the prospect of the United States becoming a theocracy, some have welcomed the change with arms wide open. The possible eradication of church and...

Ford to Make Tires From Recycled MAGA Hats

A wall of affordable tires near you is shown with MAGA hats placed in it after.
Dearborn, MI – The Ford Motor Company has long been an institution of innovation and one that's not afraid to think outside the box when it comes to producing various products to aid consumers in a time of uncertainty. With gas prices continuing to rise and a world that's still adapting to life after the pandemic, a major step...

Ask Grendel the Gamer – I’m 8 and Sold My Parents Car for Roblox Money

A piggy bank is shown with coins in front of it on a table after someone searched 'sell my car'.
Welcome to the Ask Grendel the Gamer Column here at The Lemon! We take questions from gamers across the world who enjoy gaming or are having trouble justifying to their parents why they spend so much time online with those creepy mole people who haven’t seen real sunlight in 20 years. Contact Grendel at grendelgamerlemonnews.org.com.net or write to I...

Bentley Trades in Reputation for NFT Profits

A golden Bentley symbol is shown on a dark background.
Bentley Motors Limited is one of the most prestigious and well-respected names in the auto industry, with more than a century of legendary reputation behind it. First founded in 1919 by W. O. Bentley, they have developed historic vehicles and forged a legacy of cutting-edge engineering and design. Few other names in the auto industry conjure up such a...

Pat the Patriot Sez: Biden and His Cronies Are Trying to Eliminate the Gas Station From American Life

Joe Biden is shown in front of a closed gas station near a Murfreesboro used car dealer.
It’s not easy being an American anymore. Ever since Biden stole the election, him and his cronies want to eradicate the way of life that we all love and hold dear. Remember when life was simple? Boys were boys, and men were men, and picking what you had to drive to work was easy—car or truck. Those were the...

Drug Cartels Expand Into Gasoline Amid Record-High Prices

A shady deal for gasoline is shown near a Charlotte used car dealer.
First, it was avocados, then limes, and now, gasoline. South American drug cartels have turned incredible profits trafficking drugs like marijuana, cocaine, and heroin over the U.S.-Mexico border, a trade that expanded to pricey agricultural products like limes and avocados in recent years. This diversification has served the groups well in the past, but as the price of gas...

David Duke Officially Endorses the Chevy Colorado

David Duke is shown behind a blue 2022 Chevy Colorado and a black 2022 Nissan Frontier after someone searched '2022 Nissan Frontier vs 2022 Chevy Colorado'.
A recent contest between the Chevy Colorado and Nissan Frontier has been heating up in the polls. Not surprisingly, the gap between the two has spoken to the ever-growing divide between the left and right factions that exist in America. While two vehicles having their various attributes and advantages compared to one another is certainly nothing new, the story...

Choosing the Right Truck Based on Real Numbers

A person is shown trying to figure out the right metric to use to judge a 2022 Ford F-250 vs 2022 Ram 2500 HD comparison.
One thing I’ll never forget is the advice that my grandfather gave me on his deathbed; he said, “Passion belongs in the bedroom, not at the car dealership.” In fairness, he was intensely intoxicated at the time, and the prostitute he hadn’t paid looked really angry at him, so that might’ve had something to do with his final words...