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Just In Time for Summer: GM’s Debuts “Hot Dog of Cars”
When a GM representative rolled into the parking lot of Fast Larry’s Used Cars early last year, no one knew quite what to make of the bespectacled stranger. Employees at the Kentucky used car lot had seen a number of odd requests in their time, but nothing quite as odd as on that day. Despite working for the country’s...
Jeep and Nestle Collaborate On New Heat Wave-Ready Model
This summer has seen record high temperatures set across the globe, with asphalt buckling in the Pacific Northwest and the mercury reaching 121 degrees in parts of Canada. Given that the literal conflagration of our planet is now a divisive partisan issue, this unprecedented heat wave could well be the new normal, and brands are hustling to take advantage...
How to Choose the Best Sports Car
Friends, I’m not one to brag, but if you know anything about me, then it’s probably the fact that I’m the best there is at choosing vehicles. I know how to give them a good look, how to gauge their abilities and performance, and I bring that all together for a comprehensive view of each and every vehicle. When...
A Woman’s Guide to the Ram 1500 and Chevy Silverado
Ladies, has this ever happened to you? You’re enjoying a nice evening, maybe spending some time with a new fella who’s been sliding into your DMs, and suddenly things go south. Maybe he put his hand on your knee when you clearly weren’t interested, maybe he told you how much prettier you’d be if you smiled more, or maybe...
4 Reasons I’m Excited about the Ford Maverick
If there’s one thing I’ve been hoping for during the last 18 months of uncertainty, madness, and despair, it’s that Ford would introduce another truck. Fortunately for all of us, my prayers have been answered with the Ford Maverick: the little pickup that could. I’ve done some digging at my local Ford Maverick dealer to learn everything I can...
Which is Sexier: Ram 1500 or Ford F-150?
Since the dawn of time, humanity has been driven by a number of basic needs: food, shelter, and a mind-numbing desire to gyrate aggressively upon one another. This fundamental aspect of our very being has not been overlooked or ignored by those in business; as they say, “sex sells,” and so we see sexuality and the sensual nature of...
Obscure Rules Violation Sees Local Racing Team Bounced From Upcoming Race
Allentown, PA: When Cary Richards’ Camaro ZL1 1LE took its place on the starting line in last month’s pre-race trials, all the attention was focused on the sporty stock car. A clear frontrunner to land pole position at the upcoming Pennsylvania 500––referred to by many as the “Olympics of Eastern Pennsylvania Racing”––the Camaro was hard to miss with its...
Ohtani Announces NASCAR Debut
Los Angeles Angels breakout star Shohei Ohtani apparently isn’t content with being one of the most versatile, dynamic players the sport has seen since Babe Ruth. In a press conference held last Thursday at an Illinois pre-owned Toyota dealership, the league-leading pitcher and power hitter announced his intentions to begin training with Joe Gibbs Racing for the upcoming NASCAR...
The Chevy Bolt Ev Is Going to Kill Us All
Friends, I’m here today with urgent news that will absolutely save your life and the lives of all of the people you love and care about. If you don’t read this article today, right now, you are literally killing everyone you’ve ever known through dangerous ignorance. If you’re like me, you’ve been watching the news and seeing these horrifying...
A Reasonable Comparison of Different Trucks
Now that the obligatory month of performative allyship is over, I can finally get back to writing about what’s truly important to me: just how gay is your truck? If you’re anything like me, before you head to your favorite used Ram truck dealership, you’re going to want to really think about which truck matches the gay values that...
New Breed of Cyberattack Involuntarily Serenades Drivers With Five Finger Death Punch
Jeanie Robertson was running errands when it happened. Despite being an attentive driver, Robertson was blindsided by the incident. She’d heard of an increasing number of such tragedies on roadways across the U.S., but she never thought it would happen to her. Jeanie was just bumping some tunes through her 2021 Chevy Spark’s Apple CarPlay system when her stereo...
Tesla Unveils New Model S-NL To Commemorate Musk’s Hosting Gig
Fresh off the heels of CEO Elon Musk’s appearance on Saturday Night Live, Tesla recently unveiled a new model of their popular electric vehicle aimed at commemorating the occasion. The Tesla Model S-NL includes a number of exclusive features, which will allow drivers to relive some of the lowest moments in American comedy history every time they get behind...
Man Finds $30k, Buys the Finest Used Car He Can Afford
Writing about the auto industry can be a tough gig; not because the work is difficult (it’s just cars), but because the stories and events I investigate and report on can be rough subjects. Things like Ford showing their support for social justice while also getting big law enforcement contracts for their Interceptor models; or how General Motors paid...
Breaking News: Vince Neil is Fat, Your Engine Doesn’t Purr Like a Kitten, and We Don’t Care
Brace yourself; it’s going to be a very long and hot summer. It’s the days when temperatures either hot or are damn close to triple digits, you’re drowning in your own sweat, you’re tired from lack of sleep due to the heat, and you just saw another stupid article about the cicadas. This time, it was an article about...
Five Things You Don’t Know about the Ultium Battery
Many people have hailed GM’s new Ultium battery and platform as a technological marvel that will pave the way for them to take over the EV market. I don’t know if all that’s true, per se, but it’s certainly an impressive step forward for GM and their various brands. The little that we’re already seeing of it in development...
Introducing the All-New Kia Forte XX
Picture this: you get into your car, which is an aggressive shade of dark blue, struggle to get hold of the steering wheel due to your heavy, feminine breasts, and realize that your hips just won’t fit into a standard car seat. Sound familiar, ladies? I know you’re all shaking your head “yes,” so I’ve got good news. Head...
The Perfect Adult Toy for the South
It’s a well-known fact in the United States that big trucks are popular. From the tippy-top of Maine to the most southern part of California, trucks are everywhere. However, if you want to find tried and true fans of trucks, you need to visit the South––Kentucky, Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana, to name just a few states big on trucks....
Top 4 Reasons People Drive the Chevy Equinox
Don’t listen to what anyone else tells you – shopping for a used car is easy. All you do is head to your favorite used car lot, tell them what you want to drive, what you’re willing to pay, and watch them grovel to meet your needs. “Yes, sir, Mr. Von Gourdboddum,” they’ll say as they do everything they...
New Olympics Editions Silverado 3500 HD Aims to Keep Team USA Safe
The United States Olympic Committee has announced a creative new way to address concerns around the viral transmission of Covid-19 at this summer’s Tokyo Olympics. Ignoring calls to boycott the games altogether, the USOC is partnering with a local Chevy Silverado HD dealer to ensure that U.S. athletes can go for the gold on the world’s biggest stage without...
2021 Chevy Equinox, Toyota RAV4 Announce Runs for Governor
As we’ve learned all too well recently, name recognition and celebrity are increasingly standing in for experience and expertise when it comes to electing our public servants. While one bright orange example comes to mind, the trend has shown no signs of slowing down since the last election cycle, with celebrities such as Matthew McConaughey, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson,...
