Home Blog

Chevy’s Smallest SUV to Get ‘Beefy’ New Horn Option

A yellow 2024 Chevy Trax is shown parked on a sunny day.
DETROIT, MI — General Motors has just announced that Chevy's smallest gas-powered model, the subcompact Trax, will have a new package available halfway through the 2024 model year. This package, known as the "Beef Package," will upgrade the Trax's horn with one of three new sounds. The first is what GM calls its "Locomotion" sound: that of a freight train's...

The Best Vehicles for Committing Different Crimes

A police line-up of five men holding up laptops displaying the Ford, GM, Volkswagen, Jeep and BMW logos is shown.
After years of reviews and reporting, we've become seen as an expert source on automobiles. Thus, our readers often reach out for recommendations—the best SUVs for Midwestern families, the best cars for low-ambition college graduates, the best pickup trucks for men with small hands, etcetera. However, there's one category we've never addressed publicly, despite the vast amount of requests we've...

Ford, McDonald’s Unite: Lease Any Super Duty, Get Free McNuggets

A man is shown holding a lease near a McDonalds and ford truck.
CHICAGO, Ill. — An announcement from the McDonald’s Corporation has left consumers both impressed and confused. Amy Jamieson, the Director for US Field Communications and Public Relations at McDonald's, told an eagerly assembled band of reporters on Wednesday that the fast food giant was teaming up with automotive legacy corporation Ford for a “new cross-promotion.” “Talks with Ford’s leadership have yielded...

Chevy, Cadillac to Produce Four-Door “Chadillac” for Entitled Young Men

Three prep school boys standing in front of a Cadillac bought by their fathers.
THOUSAND OAKS, Calif. — Chevrolet and Cadillac have announced a new joint venture for an affordable but garish everyday sports/luxury car. This product is targeting a niche market that neither Cadillac nor Chevy has been quite able to entice: the entitled sons of rich men. Chevrolet has long been General Motors’ utilitarian brand, producing simple commuter sedans, oversized trucks, and...

Best Cars to ‘Go Green’ With in 2024

Many 'green' vehicles are shown on rolling green hills.
Since the advent of the Toyota Prius in the year 2000, the auto industry has been on an exponential transformation toward like-minded vehicles. Today, with two decades of evolution behind us, we wanted to explore the fruit that’s descended from this tree—so, without any further adieu, here are the best models to ‘go green’ with in 2024… First up is...

VW’s All-Electric Future Is Looking Different Now That It Has AID.S

A lady standing next to a red Volkswagen is shown holding a monkey.
FAIRFAX COUNTY, VA — It’s no surprise that Volkswagen has announced yet another electric vehicle, considering they’ve been manufacturing battery-powered vehicles since 2020 (with the ID.4 crossover, the ID.7 sedan, and the ID. Buzz minivan), but what is a surprise is that this new model is a sports car—a new venture for the German automaker. Volkswagen has famously shied away...

With the Camaro Being Discontinued, America’s Young Men Feel Their Masculinity Threatened

A man is shown looking distraught over the discontinuation of the 2024 Chevy Camaro.
CHINO, Calif. — As you might have heard, Chevy will be discontinuing their classic muscle car in its gasoline-powered form, and the 2024 Chevy Camaro will be the final iteration. This is a major blow to men everywhere who have relied on this vehicle to demonstrate to their neighbors that they are alpha male badasses and ought not to...

BREAKING: Trico to Release New Windshield Wiper That Elongates “That Smear”

A man is shown giving two thumbs up at his new Trico Benefactor wiper blades.
LIVE AUTO NEWS — We are buttered up to our gills with excitement. We just intercepted a nascent press release (someone emailed it to us by accident) from Trico announcing their intent to bring to market a new windshield wiper blade that is, honestly, something we never thought we wanted. However, given the fact that Trico is the inventor...

Ford to Partner With Malibu Rum for the F-151

A white 2025 Ford F-151 is shown parked on a beach featuring an advertisement for Malibu Rum.
MONTE RIO, Calif. — The Ford Motor Company has released a statement announcing a new truck model based largely on their best-selling light-duty F-150. It will supposedly see few changes, but Ford executives insist it is not just a trim for their indomitable hauler. The statement was considerably difficult to read and riddled with spelling errors, leading us to question...

Signs Your Used Car Is a Closet Cold Case Killer

A white 2020 Ford Fusion is shown from the front at an angle after leaving a used car dealer.
Does anyone else watch a few episodes of Cold Case Files to unwind at the end of the day or is that just me? Just me? Okay. There’s something oddly satisfying about law enforcement locating someone’s murderer 40 years later when they were right under their nose the entire time. Typically, the killer doesn’t go far, instead, they have...

Sight-Handicapped Drivers Vandalize Car Dealership, Outraged Over the Term “Blind Spot”

A group of blind protestors are shown near a red and a grey 2024 Chevy Malibu.
VAN NUYS, Calif. — A local Chevrolet dealership was besieged by a group of sight-handicapped individuals on Thursday, expressing outrage over the terminology of a particular driver assistance feature found in newer models like the 2024 Chevy Malibu, whose Chevy Safety Assist sensor suite calls it "Lane Change Alert with Side Blind Zone Alert." Six blind people—or "persons with a...

Chevy Announces Return of Bolt EV and Future Plans

A man is shown with his hand on his forehead as small Chevy Bolt EVs and EUVs float behind him.
Recently, drivers were saddened to learn that the Chevy Bolt EV was being discontinued. As the most affordable and impressively flammable electric vehicle on the market, its removal would be felt by many drivers. Even more recently, however, drivers were saddened to learn that the Chevy Bolt EV was returning with an all-new generation and a full redesign. Why...

People Keep Mistaking Nissan’s Xtronic Transmission for a Popular DJ

A white 2023 Nissan Sentra for sale is shown DJing an EDM concert.
Nissan recently announced that their 2024 Nissan Sentra for sale will have a new continuously variable automatic transmission by the name of Xtronic. However, this has caused some confusion in the house music scene, of all places, because of a DJ who goes by the same name. Both house music venues and Nissan dealerships have been facing an increase in...

Flat Earther Protests Chevy Dealership, Warns Danger of Driving off the Edge of the World

The Earth is shown looking for help to find a Chevy Silverado for sale.
As the new 2024 model year gears up, there’s a lot of excitement regarding the offerings from Chevy. With the Silverado EV set to make a sizable impact on the vehicle-buying public, you can feel the enthusiasm in the air. While the aspect of finding a Chevy Silverado for sale is certainly on the minds of many, there’s one...

Top Three Signs a Car Dealership Is Actually a Bordello

After searching for a bad credit car dealership near me, a dealer is holding keys over two peoples heads.
Unless you’re intimately familiar with the seedy underbelly of the auto industry, this may come as a surprise to you. Some car dealerships are not all they appear to be. I know, you probably found this out because you need a vehicle, but your credit score is worse than your ability to choose a reliable source for car news....

Hunter Biden Allegedly Selling Used Cars to Make Child Support Payments

Hunter Biden is shown selling cheap used cars for sale.
WASHINGTON — It appears things have really gone downhill for Hunter Biden, who sources say is now hawking cheap used cars for sale at an abandoned lot somewhere in a suburb outside of Washington DC. This information is a result of yet another mysterious customer—said to look like Hunter Biden—dropping off a laptop at a computer store and the shop's...

The Four Best Features of the Worst Ford F-150

Ten people are shown yawning near a white 2023 Ford F-150 XL.
Do you like shiny, powerful, impressive trucks that ride real tall, have rumbly-bumbly engines, and can tow a bunch of weight behind them? If you said no to any of those things, then go away. But for the rest of you who are still here (seriously, piss off if you said no), we’re going to talk about one of...

Florida Man Still Drives Ford Excursion, Claims It Has Nothing to Do With Size of His Penis

A basketball coach is shown standing near a brown 1999 Ford Excursion trying to find used SUVs for sale.
DAYTONA BEACH, FL — The SUV has achieved widespread popularity as the ideal choice of transportation in modern America, and a major part of this can be attributed to the scaling down of their size—an ongoing process since the early 2000s, leading to what we call the "crossover" SUV. Many of today's new drivers—who were born at the start of...

Three Secrets of the All-New 2024 Chevy Traverse

A group of people are standing near a red 2024 Chevy Traverse.
Friends, allow me to start by saying something controversial: This is not the only automotive news website on the Internet. I know, I know, I was shocked to discover this too. And yet, as I looked at a number of other websites and the supposed journalism that they provide, I was dismayed and confused by what I discovered. Time...

Automotive Writer Has Emotional Breakdown After Being Bombarded With Vehicle Ads

A man is shown overwhelmed while searching for 2023 Chevy Silverado vs 2023 Toyota Tundra online.
BOSTON, Mass. — For much of the vehicle-buying public, the information they're presented about new models comes from freelance writers contracted by the automotive industry. They work hard to present this information in a way that excites and interests the average consumer. But the pressure has been building for Jermaine Richter, who writes close to forty articles a month, and...