Flat Earther Protests Chevy Dealership, Warns Danger of Driving off the Edge of the World

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The Earth is shown looking for help to find a Chevy Silverado for sale.

As the new 2024 model year gears up, there’s a lot of excitement regarding the offerings from Chevy. With the Silverado EV set to make a sizable impact on the vehicle-buying public, you can feel the enthusiasm in the air. While the aspect of finding a Chevy Silverado for sale is certainly on the minds of many, there’s one individual who isn’t looking forward to the prospect of the new offerings from the bow-tie brand.

Jeremy Berg, an advocate for the flat earth movement, has been staging a one-man protest at Brady Chevrolet, a local dealership, warning about the dangers that owning a Chevy truck presents. Despite scientific research proving otherwise, the flat earth movement has gained momentum in recent years. Followers insist that the aspect of a spherical planet orbiting around the sun is nothing more than a conspiracy that the masses have been duped into believing. While most flat-earthers pick out targets such as NASA and the National Science Foundation to direct their discontent, Berg has Chevy in his crosshairs, and he was all too eager to discuss his feelings of hatred for the beloved bow-tie brand.

“Chevy, and GM in particular, have been a part of this misinformation campaign from the very beginning,” Berg told us as he drank from his can of Keystone Light and spat copious amounts of chewing tobacco on the ground. “When I first heard that GPS was being implemented into several vehicle designs, I became aware of the involvement from that woke bimbo Berra and her cronies. Now Chevy wants to make a self-driving vehicle a reality. What they don’t tell you is that if you’re not careful, that computer will make you drive off the edge of the Earth and right into purgatory.”

We found Berg’s conviction to be admirable, though wildly misguided. We asked him to explain to us his reasoning for believing the Earth is flat and the concept of purgatory allegedly being a reality. While we’ve heard some interesting “logic” from anti-vaxxers and moon landing deniers over the years, Berg’s perspective takes things to a whole new level.

“Look, everyone knows that the Earth was created a few thousand years ago, right? And if it’s round, how come all the roads are flat? They’re not curved, they’re flat. And what happens when you drive too close to the edge? You’ll fall right off the Earth. It’s bound to happen. And don’t get me started on GPS. They’re programmed by satellites and Jewish space lasers that are meant to deceive us all.” When we asked him about images taken during the 1969 moon landing that show the earth is round, Berg explained to us that the moon landing was faked by Stanley Kubrick as a propaganda measure to continue the wide-ranging deception.

We reached out to Thomas Dawkins, one of the programmers of Chevy’s new hands-free driving mode, to gauge his reaction to the protest. “Flat Earthers are much like Trump supporters in the fact that they deceive themselves and deny the reality that’s as plain as day. If the earth was flat, why would we risk losing our profits by having our trucks drive off the edge of the world? If anything, we would program subliminal messages into our ad campaigns to increase profits. Not that we would ever do that, of course.”

Dawkins told us that these types of protests are nothing new. Just last year, several anti-vaxxers announced they would no longer be bringing their vehicles in for oil changes, because oil contains toxic substances and can allegedly cause their vehicles to develop autoimmune disorders, asthma, and allergies. “It’s a divisive world out there,” said Dawkins. “And if Berg wants to protest, let him. It’s free publicity for us.”

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