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Confused Local Man Worried About Chip Shortage

A man is shown confused about potato chips and computer chips after reading an article asking Jeep dealers in Colorado Springs about the global chip shortage.
A local man is up in arms after grossly misunderstanding a recent newspaper article. When Mark Osbourne, a 34-year-old Razor scooter instructor from Peyton, picked up his local newspaper last week, he was struck by what he calls the publication's alarmist tone. A front-page article interviewing Jeep dealers in Colorado Springs about the worldwide chip shortage seemed a bit...

CDC Says, “Safe to Pick Up Hitchhikers Again”

A hitchhiker is shown from behind with the CDC logo above them.
When I was seven years old, a neighbor gave me a piece of advice that I’ve never forgotten: he said, “When the next great pandemic comes, remember that the CDC is the voice of reason that you should trust when making all health and automotive decisions.” Those words seemed strange in the mid-1980s, but they ring true now, and...

5 Names Chevy Rejected for the Silverado EV

A clipboard is shown that is being used to brainstorm 2024 Chevy Silverado 1500 EV names.
At this point, you’ve heard all about the 2024 Chevy Silverado EV, an all-electric truck that’s sure to take the industry by storm. You’ve likely heard its noteworthy specs, from the 10,000 lb towing capacity to the 400 miles of range from a full charge. We’re all very impressed by its 660 hp and 780 lb-ft of torque, even...

Secrets of Ford Blue Advantage Program Revealed!

A man is shown using a laptop with a phone in his hand in a dark room after lookin up 'Certified Pre-Owned Ford dealer'.
Right now, it’s 2:24 in the morning, and I find myself unable to sleep – I slept for about an hour when I awoke in a start from a fairly detailed and highly erotic dream featuring a very large and hairy wolf-spider that had the face of my seventh-grade math teacher. As usual, when I can’t sleep, I decided...

Don’t Miss These 5 Tricks to Sell Your Car for More Money!

Keys are shown exchanging hands with the text ''5 tricks to sell your car'' printed over it.
Let me guess why you’re here: you’ve been drinking heavily, texted a few exes, made yourself a large sandwich, and now you’re rethinking many of the decisions you’ve made throughout your life. Chief among them being the hideous vehicle you’ve got out in the driveway; you decided you want to get rid of it, but you’re not sure how....

You’ll Never Believe These Tricks to Save Money on a Used Car (Salesmen Hate #4!)

A salesman with a white mask is shown extending his hand for a handshake, a banner saying ''car buying tricks salesmen hate'' and an angry face are hyper-imposed over the image.
Buying a used car is like going into battle: you need to be prepared, you need to stay sharp, and there’s a fairly high chance you’ll die. Also, the entire thing is a pointless display of sword-waving in order to ensure wealthy people become even wealthier. Before you go searching for used cars for sale near you, it’s important...

GM Announces New “Lidless Eye” Initiative

The Eye of Sauron is shown with ''new gm initiative'' written over it.
Few things in this sullen world excite me quite so much as when car companies announce exciting new promotional campaigns for their vehicles. Whether it’s a brilliantly conceived slogan or advertising phrase, or some kind of cross-promotion with a movie I’m interested in, any time a car company finds a new way to advertise to me, I know things...

Woman Determined To Reinvent Herself Faced With Own Bumper Stickers

A daily news paper shows an article about a woman who bought a vehicle at a New Jersey Subaru Outback dealer.
The new year is supposed to be a time of rebirth and renewal, a clean slate on which people can begin to write entirely new versions of themselves, but now even after the ball drop one North Caldwell woman is finding that sort of reinvention difficult thanks to some questionable automotive life decisions. Cindy Bacala was just 17 when...

2022 Brings Big Changes to Toyota CPO Terms

A certified pre-owned Toyota dealer checklist is shown.
If you’ve been thinking about visiting your local Certified Pre-Owned Toyota dealer, but you’ve been waiting in hopes that the car market will get better in the New Year, then you’ve made a terrible mistake. Fortune favors the bold, as they say, and in this case, your hesitation has resulted in you missing out on some of the best...

Blinded By The Light: New LEDs Allow Drivers To Rev Up Like A Douche

A 2022 Jeep Grand Cherokee L vs 2022 Kia Telluride during a headlight brightness competition.
For Jake Levy, the hunt for a new SUV boiled down to two choices: the 2022 Jeep Grand Cherokee L vs 2022 Kia Telluride. Levy had done endless research online, scouring reviews and forums, but still didn’t have the answer to his most vital question: which one has the most obnoxious headlights? In a world where state and local governments...

Study: Rate Of Divorce Tied Directly to Holiday Car Purchases

A white 2022 Honda Accord is shown with a red ribbon and a couple's silhouette.
It was a scene right out of a holiday car commercial: Gary Donovan brought his wife out into the driveway on Christmas morning, removed her blindfold, and watched her eyes widen as she took in her brand-new 2022 Honda Accord. Adorned with a giant red bow, the car glistened in the winter’s morning light, and it wasn’t the only...

Toyota (and Others) Want You to Smash that Subscribe Button

The Toyota logo is shown near lots of subscribe buttons.
My readers, you wise and prosperous fools, I come to you today with a vision: my vision for the auto industry and what it should be. Fortunately, this is not merely a singular aspiration, nor one that I’ve kept to myself. For years now, I’ve slowly been whispering these thoughts into the ears of the heads of numerous car...

CPO Was Just the Beginning

Four certified pre-owned car dealer initiatives are shown.
As former President Abraham Lincoln once said, “The auto industry is a decaying giant, lumbering in a deathless, somnambulist march toward a vast and ineffable ocean of delirious atrocity and thoughtless desolation.” Most people don’t realize those words came from his third State of the Union Address, but I really think it cuts to the core of American manufacturing...

The Latest in Tik-Tok Trends: Cooking in Cars

A 2022 Ford Bronco Sport G.O.A.T. Cheese Souffle recipe card is shown.
I’m always looking to catch the latest trends on Tik-Tok, and I decided to see if I can start a new one by baking in a performance vehicle. You see, I grew up in a home where my Dad was a big car enthusiast, and my Mom had a passion for baking. They never put their two loves together,...

Cheap Cars Are Best Cars

Green arrows are shown with prices for used vehicles under $20k.
If you’re a long-time reader of my work, as you should be, then you know this about me: I don’t like to divulge personal details about myself or give my opinion when providing a clear, concise, and unbiased perspective on the auto industry. Today, however, I’m tossing such formalities aside as I now write about something that is very...

Biden Abuses Authority to Combat Car Emissions

Joe Biden is shown next to a car exhaust.
Friends and readers, if there’s one thing the mainstream media refuses to talk about on a consistent basis, it’s President Biden and the things he’s doing against the auto industry. Turn on any channel with a news program, and you’ll see them discussing budgeting, policymaking, all sorts of other nonsense, but you’ll never see images of the auto industry...

Auto Start-Ups Face Critical Name Shortage

A sticker at a used car dealer says 'hello my name is shortage.'
The recent surge in the electric vehicle market has created a run on the valuable resources vital to the industry's growth. These include the expected technological building blocks––lithium ion batteries, microchips, and the like––but it's one of the less concrete components that has manufacturers scrambling to stake their claim. As new all-electric brands like Byton, Lordstown, Nio, and Rivian...

Kanye Hacks The Lemon To Sell Used Trucks

Kanye West hacked an article about the 2022 Chevy Silverado 1500 ZR2 to convince readers to buy his trucks.
Editor’s note: While we had hoped to bring you an article on the 2022 Chevy Silverado 1500 ZR2, we regret to inform you that our website has been hacked by rapper/designer/professional jackass Kanye West, who has rewritten this piece in an effort to sell his own fleet of used vehicles. We hope to regain access to our website’s backend...

Climate Conference Has Brands Envisioning Greener Future

Bicycles are shown during a sunset near a Kia dealers logo and recycle symbol.
While largely devoid of any concrete changes or commitments on a governmental level, the recent COP26 climate conference has given some auto manufacturers a renewed interest in pursuing green initiatives. These brands have been hard at work in the R&D labs, busily envisioning a greener automotive future that drivers might soon see reflected on the lots of Kia dealers....

What Does “BMW” Mean?

Three used BMW logos are shown on a blue background.
We’ve all been there: one minute you’re trying to find the best deal on a used BMW, and the next moment you’re so deep into the Internet’s darkest layers of perversion that you’ve forgotten what the sun looks like. You’re wondering who you are, how you’ve gotten to this point, and how long it will take before federal agents...