Home Blog Page 2

Recount Underway as Arizona Pontiac Supporters Decry Rigged Election

A grumpy emoji is shown above a ballot.
A vocal minority of car enthusiasts in Arizona are up in arms over the results of the 2021 North American Car of the Year award and are now feverishly seeking to undo the results with a recount of the state's votes. The 2021 Hyundai Elantra was the clear winner of the annual honor, bestowed by the North American Car,...

‘Wine’ Added to ‘O’Clock’ in Historic Town Vote and Moms Everywhere Finally Have Hope

The trunk of an SUV is filled with luggage and wine during a 2021 Ford Explorer vs 2021 Kia Telluride comparison.
Sally McCreary can still hardly believe it. After years of hiding her afternoon “Mom Juice” in a Yeti rambler, she feels redeemed. “We finally feel heard. It’s a brave first step toward recognizing wine as the most important arrow in our parenting quivers.” These moms know that choosing between the 2021 Ford Explorer vs 2021 Kia Telluride doesn’t involve...

Chevy and Dead Hookers: A Match Made in Heaven

A 2021 Chevy Blazer vs 2021 Jeep Cherokee comparison is shown in front of caution tape.
Friends, if you know nothing else about me, then you should know this: I care deeply about the world around us. I care about the environment, about the political landscape of this country, and the kind of challenges that we face as a society. And I care, very much, about the auto industry and just how well vehicles like...

The 2021 GMC Sierra 1500 And 2021 Nissan Titan: Full-size Trucks Or Gold Mines?

An infotainment screen shows bitcoin prices on the rise during a 2021 GMC Sierra 1500 vs 2021 Nissan Titan comparison.
Two leading car manufacturers have their vision set firmly on the future with the recent announcement of an intriguing new feature. Earlier this month, GMC and Nissan both announced their forthcoming 2021 Sierra 1500 and 2021 Titan models will feature built-in Bitcoin-mining, allowing drivers to capitalize on the lucrative cryptocurrency market. The announcement comes as Bitcoin hits an all-time...

No, Your POS Ford Fusion Isn’t a Luxury Car

Two black used luxury vehicles are parked in front of a castle after leaving a used luxury car dealership.
We all know somebody who has a misguided view of how things work in this world. For example, wearing a Brunello Cucinelli suit from Neiman Marcus does not make you any more special than the dude wearing a suit from the clearance rack at JCPenny. It’s these very same people who somehow think that they own a luxury car...

Chrysler Introduce New Gender Reveal Edition Pacifica

A grey used Chrysler Pacifica is shown with pink smoke coming out of the exhaust.
Bringing a child into the world can spur a lot of changes in a person’s life. Gone are late nights, freedom, and the absence of stickiness, as well as your waistline and that sporty two-door coupe you’ve been cruising around in. The shift to a more practical vehicle is an inevitable part of parenthood, and while you might now...

Joe Biden Is Why You Can’t Buy a Ford Edge

A grey 2021 Ford Edge is shown in the center of a conspiracy map.
Have you gone to a Ford dealership recently? Have you tried to buy the 2021 Ford Edge only to discover that it’s not available right now? (No, you were able to get one? Liar!) Well, there’s a good reason for that: a microchip shortage, which was caused by a secret alliance between neo-feudalist cannibal Bill Gates and Joe Biden,...

Ford Announces: All-New Lincoln Lucifer SUV

A pair of keys are held in front of Lil Nas X.
Recently, rapper and online “personality” Lil Nas X made headlines with his limited run of “Satan Sneakers,” which were seemingly designed by a 15-year old that had just left Hot Topic and was asked what kind of shoes would match his black fingernail polish. Not to be outdone, Ford has announced that they are currently working on an all-new...

Minimum Wage Proposal Has Pennsylvania Used Car Dealers Prepping for Sales Boom

A Group of Judges hold a sign that reads 'ALL OF PENNSYLVANIA’S NEIGHBORING STATES HAVE RAISED THE MINIMUM WAGE'
Renewed discussion in Harrisburg about a minimum wage hike has many Pennsylvania used car dealerships licking their chops in anticipation of a potential car-buying boom. The state’s current minimum wage, which has held at $7.25 for the last 12 years, is among the lowest in the nation. The federal minimum wage is also currently set at $7.25, meaning that...

The Days of the Granny-Mobile Are Dead Thanks To Buick Stereotypes

A man in a Dr. Seuss hat is standing with Sponge-bob Outside of a Buick dealership after being cancelled.
Cancel culture and political correctness are everywhere, and it has now crept into the auto industry. The latest victim of cancel culture is the Jeep Cherokee, which has recently come under fire for using a Native American tribe name for over 50 years. It’s a valid argument, sports teams and corporations have been dropping logos and names depicting first...

Amazon Launches New Online Car Shopping Website for Employees

Jeff Bezos is dressed as Dr. Evil with an Amazon box after online car shopping.
Eager to advance the news cycle after a recent disastrous attempt at a social media “clap back,” online retail giant Amazon is launching a new online car shopping website for its employees. The $1.7 trillion e-commerce giant has been in the automotive game since 2016 when it launched Amazon Vehicles as a resource for prospective buyers, but the new website...

Covington Ram Dealer: Development Hero

A man and a white Ram truck from a Ram dealer near Covington are behind the Kenton County sign.
Friends, my time in the auto industry has taught me quite a few things; perhaps most important among them, however, is that a good dealership (if such a thing exists) is one with real roots in the community. I’ve seen no few auto lots that grind through cars like fine hamburger and do everything possible to make a sale...

Chrysler Dealer Introduces Innovative Vaccine Initiative

A white car sports a vaccine sticker after leaving a Chrysler dealer near Black Forest.
There was once a time when people would talk to their doctor, listen to their advice based on expertise and years of practice, and know that they were receiving the best care possible. Fortunately, such a vapid, milquetoast era is well behind us, and we now know that every piece of scientific information and basic healthcare advice should be...

2021 Chevy Trax vs 2021 Honda HR-V – Subcompact SUVs create identity crisis for vehicles themselves

A car discusses its recent loss of the 2021 Chevy Trax vs 2021 Honda HR-V comparison in a psychiatrist's chair.
Who am I? Why am I here? These are questions we all struggle with from time to time. This type of philosophical introspection has been particularly widespread during COVID, with disruptions to our regular schedule causing many of us to step back and reexamine our very sense of self. While this egotistical navel-gazing might seem like a problem unique...

Ram Trucks Caves to Campaign to #ReleaseTheRamLease With New Terms

A man looks up at the RAM emblem wearing a mustache as he thinks about getting a Ram Lease.
Taking a page from the Warner Brothers playbook, Ram recently announced plans to offer a more expansive slate of Ram lease programs for those eager to get behind the wheel of a new vehicle. Executives say the revamp was inspired by the recent success of the four-plus hour Snyder Cut of the Justice League, which was released in March...

Auto Execs Feeling Twitterpated

image shows 10 people being censored with censored text over their mouths.
Once upon a time, really-super-smart people would say really-super-smart things, and only their close family, friends, and coworkers got to hear it. Now, however, we live in an exciting timeline where social media allows millions of people to be privy to every single thought from every single person. Some have called this the death of civility and the ultimate...

2022 Chevy Bolt EUV: Apathy, thy name is Chevy

An apathetic looking man is being handed a set of keys to a 2022 Chevy Bolt EUV.
A new electric vehicle from Chevy seems to be about as desired as a pudding-y fart in an overcrowded city bus…but here we are. Do you like driving a car with all the sex appeal of a soggy cardboard box half-filled with expired pancake batter? Do you love the thrill of the hunt as you try and...

Auto Industry Ready for Emissions Challenges

Joe Biden is next to a cow butt.
One of the major issues that the auto industry has been dealing with for the past few decades is meeting emissions standards as they’re updated and become stricter. Just last month, more than 80 members of Congress sent letters to the Biden administration asking it to reinstate the 2025 emissions goals that had been set by President...

Amidst Chip Shortage, Auto Industry Looks for Radical Solutions

Gloved hands are holding a computer chip, which is facing a shortage in today's live auto news.
My frequent readers will know that I have three skills: eloquence and a knack for crafting exquisite sentences, the ability to restate the obvious in a way that makes it seem like my original thought, and a resolution that allows me to remain calm in a crisis. And yet, my resolve is being tested by one of...

What Your Jeep Says About You (and Other Models)

Two Jeep wranglers are shown passing each other while waving, driving past a man with his arms crossed.
Anyone who has ever owned a Jeep or knows somebody who owns a Jeep is probably familiar with the super-annoying secret wave they give each other as they pass while cruising down the road. The secret Jeep wave is a code between Jeep owners that began many years ago and is an unspoken gesture of camaraderie and...