Trump’s Mechanic Indicted for Inciting People to Get Unnecessary Vehicle Repairs

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A mechanic is shown giving a thumbs up.

Washington D.C.—The recent indictment of former president Donald Trump has been some of the most divisive news to arrive in quite some time. Many of his supporters have wasted no time in expressing their outrage and making claims of another conspiracy, while his detractors are welcoming the news with enthusiasm after four long years of the dangerous flirtation with pseudo-fascism. Here is some live auto news that will certainly add to the chaos and calamity of Trump’s ever-growing legal troubles. A few minutes ago, it was announced that Trump’s former mechanic, Richie Espinoza, has been indicted for the unlawful incitement of several customers to spend money on repairs and vehicles they didn’t need. While this is certainly breaking news, it was a long time coming, as the mechanic has been doing this for many years.

It’s believed that Espinoza first began this practice during the energy crisis, insisting that the news about the vehicles coming from Detroit having poor gas mileage was nothing more than false reporting from consumer advocate Ralph Nader to shut down brands such as Chevy and Ford, and open up the floodgates for Toyota and Honda to sell more vehicles. While this seems far fetched, the insurrection at the capital not too long ago proved that some people are ignorant and will follow any carrot that’s dangled in front of them. The tall tales spun by Espinoza led to several people buying gas-guzzling vehicles, despite fuel shortages being everywhere.

This was only the start of Espinoza’s false information that he used to his advantage. It’s believed that in the 1980s, he convinced several of his customers that the flux capacitor, used as a plot device from the Back to the Future movies, was indeed real and hidden on all vehicles manufactured in the United States. Unsuspecting drivers were charged faulty repair bills as Espinoza claimed that the information about the location of the imaginary item was an industry secret and withheld from the average consumer.

Espinoza’s wicked ways continued well into the 1990s. Taking advantage of the sudden shift in popular culture, the crooked mechanic convinced an entire generation of drivers to not repair certain parts of their vehicle because it was “ironic.” This led to many people purchasing SUVs such as the gas-guzzling Ford Excursion because they “thought it was cool.” It’s reported that he rehashed this tactic in recent years, by convincing several of his hipster clients to get certain items fixed on their vehicles before it was absolutely necessary. Javier Hobbes, one of the many individuals who he swindled, told us that Espinoza told him to “get an oil change each and every week before it’s cool.”

It’s unclear when Espinoza and Trump began doing business together. Many theorize that it was while Trump was going through his famous divorce and needed to launder money, and did so thanks to Espinoza’s recommendations for lofty repairs that may or may not have been necessary. Because the majority of Trump voters are lifted pickup truck drivers with small pensises, it’s believed that Espinoza used these people’s need for overcompensation to his advantage, and never had a problem with convincing them their vehicles needed specialty parts to convince the world that they were somehow gifted in the libido department.

The indictment comes at a time where the world is watching and waiting for what might happen to Trump. Espinoza could very well join the ranks of Roger Stone and Steve Bannon as people who will find their head on the chopping block for their allegiance to the orange menace.

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