Bravely Going Where No SUV Has Gone Before

0
64
A grey 2021 Ford Bronco Sport and 2021 Jeep Renegade in red are parked on dirt with black text that says 'the possibilities are relatively endless'.

The best thing about owning a compact SUV is all the wonderful things you are able to do. Not only can you climb up cliffs and mountains, thus fulfilling all of your adventuring whims, but you can also slip seamlessly between those two oversized trucks in the Costco parking lot, nevermind that parking cone you just drove over. Owning a compact SUV such as the 2021 Ford Bronco Sport or 2021 Jeep Renegade is like living in the best of two worlds.

Impress Your Date With the 2021 Ford Bronco Sport

A grey 2021 Ford Bronco is parked behind a couple in a park.

The 2021 Ford Bronco Sport is equipped with something called a G.O.A.T. mode, which stands for ‘goes over any terrain.’ Well, folks, Ford has called it, and we finally have a vehicle that can drive absolutely anywhere! Next time you are trying to impress your significant other with a one-of-a-kind date, don’t just take a trip to the movies; take a trip somewhere amazing!

No more lame-o dedicated campsites with cushy amenities for you: now you can forge your own trails along the ridge of the Grand Canyon or up the slopes of Mount St. Helens. Who wants to skip rocks in the lake when you can throw coconuts down the mouth of a volcano? And why rent a helicopter and hire a tour guide when you can take your Bronco Sport directly to the rim of some of the greatest canyon overlooks in the world? Now you can take your lover on the adventure of a lifetime: someplace neither of you will ever forget, and it’s all thanks to your brand new Bronco Sport. Because Ford said it themselves––your Bronco Sport can go over absolutely any type of terrain.

Romantic trip by water? The Broncos got it covered. Heading over some hills? The Bronco can drive over them with no problems. Running over the President? Definitely, at The Lemon, we don’t judge anyone’s idea of the perfect date.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Yes, the 2021 Bronco Sport has some pretty impressive features, the likes of which will only change the course of your dating life, but what about the 2021 Jeep Renegade? Jeep is also boasting that the 2021 Renegade has a ‘go-anywhere’ attitude, so why would you want to merely drive or float your great big GOAT of a Bronco Sport when you could have a Renegade that also goes anywhere––even where no mere SUV has gone before?

Save the Penguins With the 2021 Jeep Renegade

A red 2021 Jeep Renegade is next to a photographer and penguins on ice.

Why settle on solely impressing your date with the Bronco Sport when you could go so far as to save the penguins with a 2021 Renegade? Jeep is claiming their new 2021 model can go anywhere, and with the SUV’s own water fording feature combined with impressive traction and ground clearance, this claim must be true. So next time your neighbors are talking about saving the whales by using biodegradable straws and reusable grocery bags, you can do them one better by taking your Renegade straight into the ocean.

Don’t worry about traction while you’re out on those waves: Jeep promises that the Renegade’s superior traction control is so capable, you will be able to handle, and I quote, “some of the most unpredictable conditions.” There is absolutely no reason whatsoever why your Renegade wouldn’t be able to get up and down those hurricane-sized ocean waves with ease. And with the exceptional ground clearance and underbody skid plates, there’s no need to worry about getting caught on shark fins or stray icebergs––your 2021 Renegade will be able to glide right over the top of every obstacle that the ocean can throw at you.

Once you reach Antarctica, you’ll be ready to save all those little penguins. Their polar ice cap is melting, yes, but that doesn’t mean all hope is lost for these cold-weather birds. You’ve brought a Renegade and you’re here to save the day! The 2021 Renegade claims a decent city and highway fuel economy, but nobody said anything about the estimated ocean fuel economy. Out there in the sea, the wind and the waves are the only fuel you need, so you’ll have plenty of time to usher all those little penguins to safety before their precious ice cap melts.

Where will you bring the penguins once you’ve reached them, good intentions at hand? Unfortunately, that part is unclear. We suggest cleaning out the freezer because who wants ice cream and freezer-burnt chicken when you can have penguins.

With polar ice caps on both ends of the globe melting, there’s not much else for these cold-weather birds on earth besides the freezer. Therefore, there might be nothing left for you to do than accompany your new feathered friends to another cold climate. I would suggest taking them all to Uranus or Neptune, but something tells me they’d have a hard time catching enough fish to survive up there.

With that being the case, I suppose you’ll have to supply your penguin buddies with their own fleet of Renegades and just tell them to crank up the AC. They are cheap enough.

There you have it. The Bronco is great for dates, and the Renegade is cheap enough for penguins. So I guess, go buy one? Or get penguins? What were we even trying to say?

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here