This recent week, headlines and (most everyone’s) social media newsfeeds have been overtaken by a polarizing 16-year old Swedish girl who will have either earned your enthusiastic praise, or your scathing criticism. Of course, we’re talking about Greta Thunberg, the controversial and confrontational environmental activist with a love of indicting figures of authority with patronizing declarations of, “How Dare You…”
And regardless of your personal opinion – whether you support or have grown promptly tired of the youthful firebrand – the fact is that she’s probably not going anywhere (at least not for the next few weeks, or even months).
As the new face of the progressive environmental movement, the outspoken Thunberg has cultivated a fan base that’s…well…enthusiastic to say the least. Some celebrate her words and ideas regarding environmental reform. Others focus on the impact such a vocal young woman will have in inspiring young girls everywhere. Others look to her as a champion of those with Autism Spectrum Disorder, since she has publicly declared her Asperger Syndrome a superpower. And some are positioning her as the undauntable tide-turner against some sort of ableist patriarchy. In other words – regardless of your opinion or mine – the envelopment of this young woman into today’s cult of personality has left her wearing a lot of hats. But can someone please tell me why we’re not talking about the very real threat of robots?
According to an anonymous source in the Volvo organization, 16-year old Greta Thunberg is as far away from what she purports herself to be as Big Hero 6’s Baymax would have been to Nick Jonas. And while that may have been the weirdest metaphor I’ve ever thought of, our point is that – according to this source – Thunberg isn’t even human.
“G.R.E.T.A. stands for Global Revolutionary Environmental Thinking Android,” explains the source. “And Greta Thunberg is the product of over 50 months of research, development, and testing facilitated through a partnership between the Swedish government and Volvo. The intention: to create a deployed software that processed real-world data outside the realm of internet activity, but they did so in the most efficient manner possible.”
According to our source, the Swedish government (one of the five neutral entities in the EU) had initiated the G.R.E.T.A. program in the hopes of getting a better understanding of what the rest of the world was doing, without relying on the biased reporting of the mainstream media. Lacking the appropriate technology, they partnered with Volvo who – like most automakers – had AI projects in development. Together, they devised the software and then encased it within a fully-autonomous, eco-friendly exoskeleton designed to mimic the appearance of a young European girl.
“People are always prepared to speak freely around children,” explains the source. “Most adults automatically think they’re smarter than a child, so they assume whatever they’re going to discuss is above that child’s comprehension level. In AI programming, we call it the ‘Hubris Effect,’ and we rely upon it when it comes to machine learning. It ensures that AI will have access to a wider range of input. And the likelihood of adults to speak freely is expanded further if the adult interprets the child as being of foreign descent or living with a developmental disorder of some sort. So Volvo went for the trifecta. A foreign kid with Asperger’s? Humanity doesn’t even stand a chance!”
While we have no proof of the source’s claims, it’s an interesting idea. Could Sweden have unleashed a robotic instigator to stir up a global cloud of emotion and sentiment, in an attempt to secure data regarding humanity and human behavior in 2019? Our source, who fears for his life, believes that’s exactly what the Swedish government and Volvo have done, which makes sense of course since the 1980’s series Small Wonder is still the #1 Prime Time series in Sweden.
“It was brilliant. G.R.E.T.A. has immediate access to almost everything. World leaders are crawling over each other for their shot at a photo op with her. There she is, getting everyone riled up, then scanning the DNA and brain activity of every human within a hundred-foot-radius, and soaking up all the data on their smartphones and personal devices. Sure, we get freaked out by Boston Dynamics robots and the fear that they’ll eventually rise up against us. But Boston Dynamics isn’t Skynet. In the real world, Skynet wouldn’t make frightening robotic skeletons like we saw in the ‘Terminator’ series. It would make little Swedish girls who are clearly not quite human. Why? Because even if she’s the poster child for the ‘uncanny valley’ if you criticize her, you’re cast into the proverbial pit of public opinion. She’s a self-cleaning opponent. And the Swedish government gets an unprecedented level of data, while Volvo gets to road test the tech that’s helping them to enjoy their eighth straight month of growth.”
What do you think?
Is Greta Thunberg actually G.R.E.T.A.?
Is she scanning our brains, cataloging our DNA, and stealing our personal banking information?
Whatever your opinion is, DO NOT leave it here.
The last thing those Swedes need is MORE information.
