Ford Won’t Play ‘Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon’

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Kevin Bacon as Val McKee in 'Tremors', fans requested spokesperson for the 2020 Ford SuperDuty Tremor Package Spokesperson

Everyone loves Kevin Bacon.

Well, most people love Kevin Bacon (our editor really loves Kevin Bacon, but that’s for another time). You kind of get a free pass to reserve some temporary disdain for him if you’ve seen Sleepers (1996) or Hollow Man (2000) but that’s really a testament to his acting chops. At the end of the day, many people will always think of him as the reckless, yet warm-hearted teen who taught a small town in the Midwest that there was nothing wrong with dancing. Frankly, it’s why — whenever I get stressed — I find the nearest theatrically-lit abandoned barn with a rope swing, and work out my problems through interpretive dance. Bottom-line, I love Kevin Bacon – and so do 94% of Americans.

But you know who doesn’t like Kevin Bacon? The Ford Motor Company.

At least that’s the implication in some people’s mind since Ford has refused to comply with their fickle fan base and has not selected the acclaimed actor to serve as the spokesperson of the new Tremor Off-Road package they’ll be offering on the 2020 SuperDuty.

Now, if you didn’t recognize the movies I had mentioned at the start of this article, it could imply either of two things. First, it could mean that you possess an understandable aversion to rape themes, now that we live in more enlightened times, I’m with you on that one. But it could also mean that you have a lack of familiarity with the first two decades of Mr. Bacon’s celebrated filmography, which means you might have no first-hand experience with the cult-classic masterpiece that was Tremors (1990).

Taking place in the small desert town of Perfection, Nevada,  Tremors featured Kevin Bacon as apprentice handyman Val McKee, shadowing his mentor Earl Bassett (as played by Fred Ward). Mysterious disappearances and bizarre seismic readings reveal that Perfection is infested with giant, mutated sand-worms that desire human flesh. Needless to say, it’s a comedy, as you can see from the original cinematic trailer:

And despite a series of progressively less-inspired sequels, there was even an attempt at a revival starring Kevin Bacon a couple of years ago:

Regardless of what did, or didn’t happen, the series holds a unique place in the heart of Americans and keyboard warriors alike. So when Ford named their specialty off-road package “Tremor,” people everywhere were demanding Bacon with more passion than my co-worker Kyle would at a subpar breakfast buffet.

Kay LeParquer is one such fanatical supporter of the idea. “Think about it… the 2020 SuperDuty is being advertised as being ready for any job that needs doing, with the upgraded ability to handle any rough terrain. Well, Val McKee was a handyman. Also, what equates to “rough terrain” more than a barely paved desert town where giant carnivorous sand-worms are picking us off one-by-one? It’s a classic movie, and would be a nostalgic win for Ford.”

“What’s a movie?” Asked Ford Director of Social Media, Landon Barker, who apparently feels less passionate about the project.

Kevin Bacon could not be reached for comment. Let’s hope his lack of availability had nothing to do with being attacked by sandworms, or the filming of any troubling molestation sequences.

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