2018 GMC Sierra 3500HD

Doppelgänger. The existence of another human being that is uncannily similar, if not identical to, yourself. Based on the theory of genetic duplicity, when compared to the global population, it’s widely speculated that every person on the planet has at least one doppelgänger. This means that you could be walking down the street one day, round a corner and come face-to-face with someone that resembles you closely enough, that they could pass for you.

But what happens if that person is more than just a “twin”? What if they are an “evil twin”? It becomes all too easy to consider the harm that such an individual could cause to your life, relationships, and finances if the proper measures aren’t taken. And in today’s world of identity theft and personal security, how can one protect themselves (and their loved ones) from the danger of an evil twin?

For anyone well-versed in popular culture, it’s a well-known fact that an “evil twin” can be easily identified by the fact that they sport a goatee or some sort of disambiguous facial hair. Okay, maybe it’s simply better known to people who have spent time watching reruns of 1960’s Star Trek, but the credibility of the statement stands. If you meet someone who looks just like you (or a loved one) except they’re sporting the facial hair of an Asian warrior, late 90’s member of a boy band or father of 3 from Rhode Island…run.

But it’s not only human beings who need to be concerned about such an invasion of identity. Anyone well-versed in automotive offerings might want to consider the history of the 2018 GMC Sierra 3500 or any of its brethren for that matter. Ever since its most recent introduction in 1999, the Sierra (like most GMC offerings) presents itself as a knock-off of a superior Chevy offering (in this case, the Silverado). Aside from the badging, the GM cousins are (in many ways) distinguishable only by the trained eye.

Therein lies the problem, according to disgraced General Motors designer Jord Lopez. Mr. Lopez, who was dismissed from GMC design team nearly two decades ago, is now speaking up due to the status of limitations on his non-disclosure agreement being lifted. Lopez, who had aspired to be part of Chevy’s elite design team, was forced to take a secondary role on the GMC design team, based on his lack of seniority within the division.

“Imagine the disappointment of thinking that you were going to have a hand in designing something as iconic as the Chevy Silverado, only to get stuck behind the drawing board of the GMC Sierra,” explains Mr. Lopez. “Basically, you’re taking someone else’s superior design and slapping pre-existing badging on it. You’re not doing any actual work, you’re just facilitating an inferior knock-off, in the hopes of cornering more market share based on the general consumer’s lack of general awareness.”

“I was particularly bored at work one day, watching old Star Trek episodes when I decided to do something about it. In a moment of admittedly redundant inspiration, I decided that prospective Sierra customers deserved a better indicator that they were basically settling for an evil version of the Silverado.”

That indicator was a modified grill which featured a thick black outline which continued seamlessly into the lower front fascia and front bumper. Accused by his GMC superiors for “trying to put a goatee onto the Sierra,” Lopez was promptly dismissed.

“I really should have known better,” says Mr. Lopez, with the clarity of hindsight. “But in all fairness, goatees were big back then. Sometimes I wonder if the dissatisfaction over my design was simply a sign of the changing times. Then again, sometimes I wonder if every GMC on the road over the last two decades has been part of an elaborate scheme to take over our planet, with no weird facial hair to tip us off. Imagine…a world overrun by GMC offerings.”

A terrifying thought, indeed.


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