The last six years of sales numbers reported by Fiat Chrysler Automobile (FCA) have been called into question by the US Justice Department as part of an ongoing investigation. The claim is that the automaker falsified numbers from 2013-2016 to create the illusion of a year-over-years sales streak designed to mislead investors.
But in terms of woes being faced down by the automaker, they continue with veteran sales chief, whistle-blower, and third-rate John Cena Impersonator Reid Bigland.
Claiming that FCA has withheld up to 90% of his pay after he cooperated with federal investigators, the embattled executive has a clear axe to grind – despite continuing to remain an active member of the company’s Group Executive Council.
But it would appear that a tenuous link discovered by investigators might link FCA to another high-profile investigation.
In November of last year, Daniel Hernandez – better known as rapper 6ix9ine (aka Tekashi69) was apprehended and indicted on charges related to racketeering, distribution of narcotics, weapon possession and conspiracy to commit murder along with five other individuals of interest.
Which was a shame considering the fact that he’s clearly ”gifted.”
And to be clear, I mean “gifted” in a “ward-of-the-state” sort of way.
Held without bail, the self-serving 23-year old Jim-Henson-creation-gone-horribly-wrong would go on to alter his plea in exchange for reduced prison time. He would also agree to testify against his co-defendants, leading to a string of popular memes rebranding the Lalaloopsy-reject as a poster boy for snitch culture.
While it’s been a recurring joke in recent weeks, his new identity as Snitchy Snitch: Boy Millionaire might prove damning for more people than just co-defendants Jamel Jones (aka ‘Mel Murda’), Aljermiah ‘Nuke’ Mack, Roland Martin (aka ‘Ro Murda’), Kifano Jordan (aka ‘Shotti’), Aaron ‘Bat’ Young, Fugan Lovick (aka ‘Fu Banga’), Anthony ‘Harv’ Ellison, Jensel Butler (aka ‘Ish’), Denard ‘Drama’ Butler, Faheem Walter (aka ‘Crippy) and Kintea ‘Kooda B’ McKenzie.
According to an anonymous source (who may or may not be FCA’s Chief Operations Officer Mark Steward), “Reid Bigland is a longtime associate – and gym buddy – of Tekashi69. They’re both Black Card Members at Planet Fitness. I hear they work out together, and even book the HydroMessage Beds for post-workout unwinding. While we have no proof, I’m pretty sure that Mr. Bigland has utilized 6ix9ine’s gang connections to threaten members of our organization that aim to shed light on his illicit activities.”
We inquired as to whether or not this unnamed source (who was probably FCA’s Chief Operations Officer Mark Steward) if he had any proof to back up his claims. He didn’t. But he did claim to have heard Bigland in the men’s room one time saying something about “blicky got the stiffy, uh, got the blocky, uh, drum, it hold fifty, uh” before yelling out “Scum Gang!”
Time will tell if Reid Bigland or FCA come up as the saga of Tekashi69 continues. But, full disclosure, we probably won’t be reporting on this any further. It’s exhausting. It’s like trying to find John Cena in a crowd when we all know that you can’t see him.