Los-Angeles, CA – Los Angeles Dodge dealerships are finding themselves the unintentional victim in a legal battle waging between the badass automaker that they’re franchisees of, and a place where a crumpled dollar bill can score you a look at a nipple.
When Dodge, the Fiat-Chrysler owned automaker (whose performance pedigree need-not-be-questioned-here) chose to reassert its longstanding reputation for a new breed of drivers, it felt a very organic transition. The late 90’s had been spent reinforcing the cab forward designs which slowly shifted their lineup to a progressive more athletic and/or aggressive styling. A decade later, it would lead to the resurrection of such iconic muscle cars the Charger and Challenger, to be served up in ever-new, exciting and powerful variants. And up until this past year, the crowning achievement had been the Challenger Hellcat, a 707hp beast that seemed to lead the hi-po movement.
But despite the enthusiastic reception that such an epic vehicle enjoys, it is far from being ‘universally loved.’ And although we’re not talking about disdain or criticism within the automotive industry itself, the story of CLUB HELLCAT, an LA-based strip club, might prove a major footnote in Dodge’s direction from this point out.
Apparently, ‘CLUB HELLCAT’ is not the legal name of the organization. Formed in 1947, a gentlemen’s club, singularly-monikered as ‘HELLCAT’, became a trademarked/copyrighted identity with the state of California. In accordance with California trademark law, the club had the ability to restrict or deny any request of use for the HELLCAT or any of this connective properties. This means that the club could prevent Dodge from attempting to sell, or market The Dodge Hellcat under that name. The restriction would normally be limited to the state of California, but let’s be honest…it’s almost 2019. From Prop 65 outwards, it’s pretty much an unwritten global policy which demands the world operates by California’s standards. Thanks for nothing, Matt Damon…
But in a recent court ruling, it was decided that the conflict was coincidental. It was also mentioned that ‘HELLCAT’ had been opened under that name in 1947, but had changed names several times between 1978 and 2005 (including such notable winners as, “D’Onofrio’s Velvet Curtains, Rod Stroker’s Place, The Muffin, and The Candy Shop). In order to arrange compensation to the club for continued, approved usage, CA-based Dodge dealers must provide a coupon to all new and returning customer offering:
“ONE FREE LAP-DANCE + ADMITTANCE TO “CRAB CITY” ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT SEAFOOD BUFFET” Minimum $20.00 Drinks per Person”
According to a spokesperson for the group (who goes by both ‘Lexxus’ and ‘Krystle’, depending on shift-scheduling), “The CLUB HELLCAT is satisfied with the decision. We really feel this coupon will bring us some next-level business, I mean come on…who doesn’t love the lunch buffet at a strip club, am I right?” adding, “Got any blow, Zaddy?”
According to Dodge Director of Communication, Brent Pfeiffer, “Here at Dodge, we pride ourselves in the integrity of our research and development, as well as in the standards and procedures employed to facilitate it. While it’s unfortunate that this conversation needed to escalate in the way that it did, it brings up a perfect opportunity for us to look at how we can improve. As such, we’ll no longer be choosing names for our hi-po’d offerings by getting baked and resting our dicks upon a Ouija Board. The last thing we need is another visit from dozens of barely-clad strippers yielding swords, guns and various weaponry. Although…that could really spice up next week’s team-building session.”
“Bottom-Line, NEW RULE if it sounds like it could possibly be the name of a seedy strip club, it probably is the name of a seedy strip club! We’ll simply be more diligent in our practices, moving forward.”
A discouraging step backward, we’re sure…but if it saves us from having to drive around in a 775-hp Dodge Cockfight. Wait. That was meant to be a joke, but ‘Dodge Cockfight’ is actually a pretty awesome name…
