Shade Behind the Failed FCA / Renault Merger

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As the proposed merger between Fiat-Chrysler and Renault crumbles, we wonder if 'Shade' is the root cause.
As the proposed merger between Fiat-Chrysler and Renault crumbles, we wonder if 'Shade' is the root cause.

Just one week ago, the proposed merger between Fiat-Chrysler and French automaker, Renault had been poised to give birth to an entity that would assert itself as the third largest global automotive entity. If successful, the entity would have offered one of the most diverse portfolios, having combined such notable brands as Abarth, Alfa Romeo, Dodge, Fiat, Jeep, Lancia, Maserati, RAM, Renault, Nissan, and Mitsubishi. That said, discussion of the merger quickly dissolved once ownership stake held by the French government reared its head, Groupe Renault opted to delay their vote, and FCA chose to withdraw their proposal.

At least that’s what both FCA and Renault want you to think.

Renault CEO Thierry Bolloré (left) & Mike Manley (right) CEO of FCA.
Are Thierry Bolloré and Mike Manley scrambling to cover up the real reasons their merger failed?

Here at The Lemon our crack team of automotive journalists are trained to find the story behind the story. And when we can’t, we find innovative ways to dig deeper. Meet Emma McDangles, my thirteen-year-old daughter, currently in the last days of seventh grade, rabid Instagram/Snapchat user, Jonas Brothers fan-for-life, and a huge advocate of ‘spilling the tea.’

Now, allow us to introduce (i) Marie Bolloré, the thirteen-year-old daughter of Groupe Renault CEO, Thierry Bolloré and (ii) Maya Manley, the fifteen-year-old daughter of FCA CEO  Mike Manley. And if you just felt a chill, don’t be alarmed because there has been unprecedented shade generated between these two, and it appears to be at the heart of the failed merger – at least based on their social media activity (as explained to me by my daughter, in the following recount).

“So, I started to follow Marie Bolloré because people were saying that she was dating Noah Centineo. You know: Noah Centineo from that Netflix movie I was telling you about? The super-hot one? She totally wasn’t dating him, but… her clothes, Pop? Straight fire. Like OMG. So I just kept following. By the way, we should totally go to Paris sometime**. Anyway, in one of her Instagram stories, she had a SELFIE of herSELF with Maya Manley saying #LoveThisGirl so I thought I’d follow MAYA MANLEY too. She’s a little thick but I was like, Yassss. Get it gurrrrl. PLUS, the two of them seemed like total goals. But it turns out they’re both like total emo and straight sus. Suddenly, they started firing back and forth at one another, h8er-style. It was like, remember Riley***? Not my BFF Riley, but salty Riley from cheering****? It was like ‘all that shade’ TIMES three-thousand. Next thing I know Maya’s back in the U.S. posting about how France sucks and Marie just like ghosted the ‘gram. Turns out that Maya’s cousin is Lana Condor*****, and she’s been on-again, off-again with Noah Centineo***** and she slid into Marie’s DMs and was like, Oh. You like my man? And it just got crazy after that. BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT PARIS?”

And that’s probably when she realized that I had left the room, recording her on my phone, while I mixed myself a Jameson and Ambien cocktail.

Teenage girls bedroom with printed pillow featuring a collage of actor / heartthrob Noah Centineo
Actual image of my daughter’s bedroom, which does not need to be covered with posters of Noah Centineo. I mean, who even bought her that damn pillow?

Whether or not the warring between two daughters had anything to do with the failed merger has yet to be confirmed. And only time will tell if the houses of FCA and Renault are able to repair their relationship and are willing to reconsider the building of bridges. Also, what the hell happened to my daughter, and why does she suddenly want to cover her room in Noah Centineo posters?

Wait. Don’t answer that.

I just did a Google search on this kid, annnnnd fahhk…

 

* I do not.
** We are not going to Paris
*** Not really.
**** Oh, wait. Yeah. I do, now…
***** I still have no idea who these people are.

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