Aren’t you tired of the same old car commercials that simply show a vehicle making sharp turns and maybe climbing some sandy hills? Who cares if a car can do that? BOOOOO-RING! I just picked up a beauty from my NJ Jeep Wrangler dealer and will show the world what it’s really capable of.
I was nominated five times as the best car commercial director (self-nominated for a reward I created because all other committees and awards are amateur hour). I consider it my duty to make a car commercial that speaks to the real individuals who will get behind the wheel.
And we know who a Jeep driver really is. In their soul, they’re ready to ride or die and probably die for the thrill of the ride. So I’m directing the first-ever car commercial in active, wild lion territory. What better way to show off all of the features of the rugged and ready-for-adventure Jeep? We’ll send a crew of professional stunt drivers who specialize in surviving lions’ attacks (putting out a casting call on Actors Access as we speak) through a den of savage, blood-thirsty Big Cats. Then, we’ll just watch how the Jeep Wrangler’s awesome features get them out alive. Or don’t.
Great Visibility Even in Blood Splatter
Every Jeep lover knows this car offers superior visibility to other cars. Its high-set driving position and wideset windshield means uninterrupted vistas, even when your passenger gets pulled out the passenger window and ripped to shreds, splattering the windshield with blood. But that view, am I right? And those windshield wipers? It’s like a brutal murder didn’t even just happen seconds ago!
Amazing Off-Road Capabilities
Jeeps are top of their class when it comes to traversing rough and bumpy roads. They can make their way over boulders, sand dunes, mud, snow, and even the dead bodies of the other drivers who didn’t fare so well. The Jeep is perfect for scaling a hillside while being pursued by a pack of hungry lions. It can even go fast enough, uphill, to escape them. Probably.
Convertible for the Win
Obviously, I can’t make a commercial about the Jeep Wrangler without showcasing some of the convertible models. These will really shine when a driver’s vehicle gets taken over by a pack of big cats, and he has to climb out the roof to save his life. Or to see the sunset better. Either way. I haven’t decided what that final shot will be yet. Directors are always honing their craft as they go, you know.
Rugged Enough to Outlast Anything
Jeeps are as rugged as vehicles come. They can withstand harsh weather conditions and go for miles and miles. They’re built like tanks. Regardless of how many of our stunt drivers are still breathing at the end of this commercial, you can be sure that each Jeep featured will still look good as new.
(Note to self, reality TV idea: man versus electric vehicle. Men wrestle self-driving cars…to the death. Winner gets a million dollars. Seriously, why haven’t I won an Oscar yet?)
Great Heating and AC System
One thing will really stand out about the Jeep Wrangler throughout all of this––our drivers will be perfectly comfortable in terms of climate. They might be scared out of their minds and lose a limb but…nobody can say they didn’t enjoy the ultimate heating and AC system while they were at it. Freezing conditions or heat stroke will not be what kills anyone in this commercial––that’s my promise.
Casting and Compensation Note:
We have received many calls complaining about the dangers of the job. As I have explained many times, drivers who die in the making of the commercial will be paid triple as we do appreciate their hard work and dedication to the craft. Drivers who survive but lose a limb will receive a complimentary Jeep Wrangler beer koozie. Assuming they still have a hand to hold it with. No lions will be harmed in the making of this commercial because I’m not totally heartless. In fact, lions will probably be very well fed during the making of this commercial.
