2023 Chevy Colorado Earns GM Another “Made-up” Award

A crowd of people are shown giving an award to a dealer that has a Chevy Colorado.

There are many criteria by which trucks can be judged: engine power and performance, towing and payload capacity, the fullness and girth of their bumpers… But in order to really judge and compare different trucks, it’s important to always consider the class one falls into; otherwise, you could look at a full-size model like the Ram 1500 and compare it to something like the Nissan Frontier, which would be madness. That’s why we see truck manufacturers brag about their “best-in-class” or “class-leading” features since they’re based on fair comparisons.

While there’s a lot to like about the 2023 Chevy Colorado, it’s the class-leading features that Chevy’s engineers and designers have packed into this thing that really stand out. This shouldn’t be surprising since the 2023 Colorado has been fully redesigned for the start of an all-new generation, yet some of its innovations are fairly remarkable. Let’s take a look at a number of the Colorado’s class-leading features…

Best-in-Class Available Towing

Arguably the most-impressive best-in-class feature for the new Colorado is its available 7,700 lbs of maximum towing capacity. This is a very respectable towing ability for a midsize truck like this and plenty of power to handle a wide range of tasks. I should mention that Chevy would like to remind us that this number is, “intended for comparison purposes only,” and doesn’t necessarily reflect real-world performance or actual human usefulness.

Class-Leading Available Tie-Downs

In case you’re not one for being easily impressed by things like comparative numerical demonstrations of hypothetical superiority, then check this out: 17 available tie-downs. Oh, you read that right. The 2023 Colorado is the class leader amongst its numerous competitors when it comes to giving you tie-downs. Chevy doesn’t settle for five or six or even a dozen tie-downs – hell no! Trying to secure a Christmas tree in the bed? Done. Looking to utilize 15 tie-downs in your midsize truck? Chevy got you covered. Want 18 tie-downs? You can get the hell out of here and take your disgusting physical needs with you!

Class-Leading Available Camera Views

Chevy’s not done yet, as they’re also coming in hot with more available camera views than any other truck in its class. How many camera views are we talking about? 10. That’s right, goddamn 10 camera views for you to take advantage of in your midsize truck! What could you possibly need that many camera views for, particularly when most of your time should be spent looking at traffic around you and not checking on the right-rear mudflap? (I assume that’s one of the views) It’s not our job to ask why we need these things; only to be eminently awed by them.

Best-in-Class Available Number of Wheels

Still not impressed? Well, first, I hate you; and second, Chevy does too, but they’ll dance for you. The 2023 Colorado has more available wheels than any other truck out there. Am I talking about wheel sizes? No – I’m talking about total wheels. The Colorado has up to six wheels on offer, with available front and rear mid-section wheels designed to tighten its turn radius. I’ve heard that Chevy’s working on a competitor for the Ford F-150 Raptor called the Silverado Tarantula that will have eight wheels available, but they’re not ready to comment on that yet.

Class-Leading Best-in-Class Leader

At the end of the day, what really sets Chevy apart and shows that they know what they’re doing is that they’re the clear class leader in best-in-class development. They’ve got more best-in-class than any other company in its class, and that makes them a leader. Looking for a first-in-class StowFlex Tailgate? The Colorado has that, and you can thank Chevy for it because they’re the best in class, son!

Looking for a first-in-class Colorado Trail Boss or the most-in-class midsize ZR2 pickup? Done, now shut up and just buy Chevy already. How about that new Desert Boss Special Edition? It’s definitely the first-in-class for itself for 2023, and you can’t take that away from them. No matter what you want in a Chevy, there’s a Chevy that’s Chevy enough to Chevy, and they’re the best-in-class leader of classes when it comes to class-first Chevy. Understand? That’s called best-in-class comprehension, and it looks good on you.

Editor’s Note: At this time, we’ve been unable to verify the class-leading number of tie-downs on the all-new 2023 Chevy Colorado. This has caused something of an uproar among our staff, and battle lines have been drawn. So far, three publishers have been critically injured, and roving bands of editors are refusing to let medical professionals reach them, preferring instead to hide near their bodies and attack anyone who comes close. We can only hope and pray that the Colorado does, indeed, have 17 tie-downs and that this time of unprecedented upheaval will pass soon enough. Until then, courage to us all, and may god have mercy on your souls. Thank you.


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