RAVENNA, Ohio — A new model year always brings a lot of excitement to those in the market for a new vehicle. Across the industry, consumers are waiting with bated breath for new releases from our most legendary automakers.
At Cornell Chevrolet, the sales staff has eagerly awaited the 2024 Chevy Silverado 1500 and its fully electrified counterpart, the Chevy Silverado EV. “We’re all really excited,” explained Kurt Killroy, the showroom manager. “Well… almost all of us.”
Kilroy explained that Jesse “Stoney” McPhearson, the head of their parts department, shuns the news about new releases every year. While it might seem counterproductive that someone who works at a Chevy dealership has no interest in what the bowtie brand is up to year after year, Kilroy explained to us that McPhearson is a Geo loyalist and still drives a 1993 Geo Metro to this day, explaining that it’s not just the “pinnacle of automotive—nay, all—engineering” but a symbol of “unparalleled quality.”
We met up with the employee affectionately known as “Stoney” and were intrigued by his unique thought process.
His office in the parts department is a virtual time capsule of the decade known for its excessive irony. As we walked in, we were met with the scent of Dragon’s Blood incense and the sounds of Alice In Chains deep-cuts emanating from a battered boombox that had several timeworn marijuana leaf stickers resisting peeling off of it.
McPhearson greeted us with an unenthusiastic, “Oh, hey, man.” After exchanging pleasantries, he offered us some Snapple, and we talked about his affection for the retro two-door hatchback.
“Man, it was a fresh time period,” McPhearson said as he sparked a clove cigarette and drank the last of his Snapple. “Like, we had a pothead president, grunge was in, and everyone was wearing flannel.”
McPhearson went on to explain that having a 55-hp engine prevents him from the temptation to go over the speed limit and that the cassette deck ensures he keeps supporting physical media to help keep the recording industry alive. We were intrigued that this aspect of a cassette deck is so important, and we asked him to elaborate a bit more.
“Man, no one buys tapes anymore. Everyone’s gotten lazy and just plays their favorite jams off their phones. What a waste.”
McPhearson also elaborated on why having a gas engine is so important. “Man, nothing will ever beat the feeling of being donked-out and driving to the filler station to get some Lays or something at, like, late at night.”
We reminded him that having an EV doesn’t prevent him from going to the service station to satisfy his “munchies.” McPhearson looked at us with bloodshot eyes and said, “It’s just not the same, man.”
McPhearson said that the Geo Metro was designed with the functional stoner of the 1990s in mind, saying, “It had good gas mileage, so it didn’t cut into the money you needed for an ounce, and it was even easier to hotbox with your friends and a few joints.” Nodding, he added, “Smaller cabin, quicker fog.”
Truthfully, we were somewhat impressed by the elder statesman’s affection for this antique economy car. In an age where vehicles like the Chevy Trailblazer are thought of as the economical choice for the average consumer, we were reminded that Generation X had some unique alternatives that were truly a wonder to behold.
We thoroughly enjoyed our time with Mr. McPhearson and, as a special treat, he invited us to sit in his Metro and hotbox it. While the upholstery had rotted away and the speakers had blown, this was an experience we won’t soon forget.
