What do the following automobiles have in common?
- 1935 Bentley Mark IV
- 1957 Ford Fairlane
- 1962 Sunbeam Albine Series II
- 1967 Toyota 2000 GT
- 1969 Mercury Cougar XR-7
- 1971 Ford Mustang Mach 1
- 1974 AMC Hornet X Hatchback
- 1981 Lotus Esprit Essex Turbo
- 1995 BMW Z3
- 1997 BMW 750iL
Okay fine…the title and image of this piece probably gave the answer away (even before we decided to omit any Aston Martin references) but each of the vehicles listed above were featured in James Bond films, driven by none other than the legendary title character, himself.
Of course, you don’t need to be a Bond movie enthusiast to know what these vehicles are best-known for. In almost every film within the franchise, 007 is issued a heavily modified aspirational vehicle featuring a variety of offensive and defensive measures designed to protect him throughout the course of his mission.
The Aston Martin DB5 in ‘Goldfinger’ boasted both retractable tire-slashing hubcaps and a passenger-side ejection seat. The Lotus Esprit in ‘The Spy Who Loved Me’ was able to transform into a submarine. The Aston Martin V8 Vantage Volante in ‘The Living Daylights’ had hubcap lasers and rocket propulsion, while the remote-controlled BMW 750iL in ‘Tomorrow Never Dies’ was smartphone-compatible over a decade before Bluetooth was a thing. Don’t even get us started on oil slicks, Stinger missiles and a reflective, ‘Invisibility Cloak’. At the end of the day, a staple of any James Bond film is the certainty of kickass cars with kickass technology.
But what about the BAD guys?
In this world of participation trophies, is it really fair that 007 continues to get such an unfair advantage over his adversaries? Well, according to current auto news The Volkswagen Group and Audi don’t think it’s very fair, and are about to even out the odds.
It has been reported that Audi has negotiated an unprecedented contract with film company, Metro-Goldwyn Mayer to take effect on the next series of Bond films, following Daniel Craig’s exit from the role. Moving forward, it appears that all Bond villains, henchmen and thugs will contractually find themselves behind the wheel of an Audi, albeit an Audi (that within the context of the story will be) equipped with a self-destruct device that will help Bond to win in the end.
Of course, Audi has recently fallen under criticism for countless issues, ranging from defective airbags, seatbelt and brakes to faulty coolant systems that could cause the vehicles to combust. And this is on top of the ‘Diesel-gate’ scandal, where The Volkswagen Group has been publicly vilified for cheating emissions testing, to bypass global standards of environmental safety.
Defending the deal against critics, Audi CEO Rupert Stadler claims, “I’m no writer, so I can’t speak as to whether or not his counts as “faules schreiben” (lazy writing). However, we’ve had to buy back and recall so many faulty vehicles in recent years, this seemed like the most responsible way of disposing of them. After all, the cars are probably going to explode anyway!”
The decision has come under file by both the Screen Actors Guild and Stuntmen’s Association of Motion Pictures who claim that the deal “shows a callous disregard for the lives of actors and stunt persons”. Unfortunately, there are no individuals actors or stunt persons willing to comment in person…almost as if they were scared of the German automaker learning their identity.
Rupert Stadler simply stroked his cat, silently, peering at us though the monocle that covers his scarred eye. “You expect me to talk?”
No, Mr. Stadler. We expect them to die.
