Boulder, CO – The act of buying a new car can be daunting, especially to discriminating consumers who pride themselves on making the best possible choice. Not only are there countless hours of research, measuring various makes, models and trim levels to ensure that you’ve found the best fit (before you ever set foot on a dealer lot) but there’s also the (sometimes) arduous task of finding the best financing option, in order to ensure that your long-term investment is working in your best interests. And even the less prepared car-buyer might find it difficult to find the best fit.
Maybe the running of this rigorous gauntlet is part of the reason why driving off in that new (or new-to-you) vehicle feels so rewarding. But whether they’re looking for new or used cars Colorado drivers are among the first to benefit from some groundbreaking new technology coming from the minds at CU Boulder. Technology which, pending successful beta-testing, could change the face of car buying as we know it.
Meet 24-year old Taka Batanutzidya, a second-year grad student at CU Boulder, specializing in Advanced Technology and Digital Marketing. As the project leader, Taka (as he prefers to be called) is credited with the initial concept as well as overseeing the execution of this app (which he calls PISTIQ).
“Like many creations,” explains Taka, “PISTIQ came to me in a moment of heightened stress. There I was, cramming for the final exams leading up to my Bachelors Degree, overwhelmed, when my girlfriend came to me with the alarming news of a pregnancy scare. We found ourselves in a bathroom, waiting for the results of a pregnancy test. That’s when my roommate, Pistiq Ramahzadan came in stressed about how difficult the car-buying process was…”
The difficulty experienced by Taka’s roommate sparked an idea: what if there were a means of assessing the most organically suitable vehicle for an individual based on their unique, personal biometrics? In recent years, biometrics have been a valuable means of finding everything from tailored weight-loss solutions to the perfect running shoe. Why couldn’t the same approach be used to help people like Pistiq? Based around your biology, we can evaluate your physical needs to find the ideal vehicle for you. Then, we use the generic data as the cornerstones, and use the brain-scan ability of our unique app to build your mental and emotional profiles.”
While the brain-scan might sound terrifying, it simply consists of monitoring your brain activity while you watch a series of clips containing various makes, models, and driving sequences to determine which inspires the most enthusiastic response.
“But the means of acquiring the genetic cornerstones is what proved troubling,” shares Taka. “We had considered using oral swabbing as a means for collecting the DNA. Unfortunately, it failed to provide the full spectrum of information we required for analysis. Ultimately, it was decided that renal filtering was required in order for the samples to provide an accurate reading, making the only options a urine or stool sample. And since a stool sample is…awkward, to say the least, we decided that our product would analyze urine, using a similar vessel to the pregnancy test.”
“And that’s how you came by the name PISTIQ?”, we asked, surprised by his confused reply.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re collecting a urine sample on a stick. It’s quite literally, pissing on a stick.”
That’s when Taka asked us to leave the premises, since we obviously weren’t paying attention to his story and how it was named after his friend. That said, THE LEMON is excited to see if this new technology pans out.
What are your thoughts? And what vehicle do you think your urine sample you behind the wheel of?
