From celebrities to technologies, religion to global brands, nearly every commercial property in today’s world faces the singular and shared challenge of remaining relevant.
Even properties that have bolstered a solid foundation of consumer trust need to keep up with the times. Engagement is key, with social media providing a perfect forum for brands to interact with their customers outside of the norms of traditional marketing. Embracing the true power of visual media, decade-old brands are getting wacky and embracing the weird. From Twitter to Instagram, Snapchat to Periscope, modern marketing has evolved.
Take ‘movie trailer marketing’ which capitalizes on the growing demand for video content. Through ‘movie trailer-style’ commercials, and even short films, marketers are getting people’s attention, getting them excited and increasing brand consciousness. Such projects can even open the door for new creative talent (since anyone with a phone, YouTube account and a catchy hashtag can go viral). Major brands are utilizing these amateur talents to push major global brands and generate serious revenue through engagement.
Which is why I’m proud to share this sneak preview of my new ‘buddy cop’ short film, intended to help market Italian sportscar manufacturer Alfa Romeo within New England, engaging Boston and its surrounding communities and making the luxury brand accessible in a new and relevant way. I give you…
A.L.F.A. & Romeo
Stahhring Mahhk (or Donnie, or even…friggin’ Paul) Wahlberg as Detective Mahhk Romeo, a wicked awesome Boston police detective approaching retirement after twenty fahkkin’ years on the force. But Romeo ain’t no friggin’ desk jockey, kid. And he certainly doesn’t play by no fahkkin’ rules. After years of friggin’ showdowns with the Irish and Italian mafia in Southie, Romeo is transferred to a wicked secret division known only as G.O.S.O.X.
Pahhhtnering with the fahkkin’ geniuses at M.I.T., this black-awwps branch of the Boston Police Depahhtment will be disavowed by the State Government, kid. Answering only to Tom fahhhkin’ Brady, they’ll take on friggin’ corruption within Revee-ahh’s Dunkin’ Donuts franchisees using wicked advanced technahhhlogy.
It is here that Detective Romeo meets his new pahhhtner A.L.F.A. (Autonomous Law-enforcement Facilitating Automobile) a friggin’ Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio infused with fahhhkin’ artificial intelligence. (Note: in my mind, A.L.F.A is voiced by Charles Martinet, best known for providing the voice of Super Mario. In fact, A.L.F.A. speaks in an effected Italian accent, identical to that of the video game plumber).
Here’s a Little Taste
INT. G.O.S.O.X. Headquarters, accessed through the hidden panel behind the bar at the Cask ’n Flagon. Romeo walks in, escorted by Gisele Bundchen. Overwhelmed, but ever-eloquent, he speaks.
Holy Fahhhkin’ shit. It all makes perfect sense.
Welcome to G.O.S.O.X. an elite crime fighting task force. Funded by the wealth of my countless modeling contracts, this agency was founded to keep the streets of Boston relatively clean…and only mildly urine-soaked.
Yeah, sorry about that Gisele. Listen, I’m wicked fahhhkin’ flattered and all. But what do you want with me? I’m getting close to retirement, and was planning on retiring to someplace nice. You know, like fahhhkin’ Andovah.
(Turns to face Romeo, as a giant banner unfurls behind her) You were transferred here at the specific request of the last great American patriot.
(as the banner reveals a familiar chiseled visage, his eyes open with awe) Are you fahhhkin’ telling me that this place is run by Tom Fahhhkin’ Brady???
(nodding) And here is your new partner (gestures to a gleaming Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio).
(confused) That’s a wicked nice cah and all, but…
Engine revs a throaty growl, as the headlights turn on.
Eesa Me!!! A.L.F.A.
What. The. Fahhhk?
There’s a lot more about the two learning to trust each other while investigating a trail of gun runners. And it all builds up to an…
EXT. REVERE BEACH – DAY
The sun is shining brightly on a hot summer day. Seagulls caw. The ocean roars. Crowds of beachgoers cross to and from Kelly’s Roast Beef, passing A.L.F.A., who is parked alongside the curb.
Further down the beach ROMEO sits, sipping an Dunkin’ Donuts Iced Coffee.
Fahkkin’ crimefighting runs on Dunkins. Stahhbucks can fahhhkin’ suck it, kid.
A camera feed of Romeo is projected onto A.L.F.A.s windshield, surrounded by various computer generated data that appears to be scanning the area and monitoring the sound.
Si! Eesa nice Espresso!
It ain’t Espresso…it’s a Regulahhh. And what the fahhk is with the ‘eesa’. What are you, fahhhkin’ Jah Jah Binks? (picks up a newspaper and reads it, casually). John Farrell is a fahhhkin’ bum.
My-a sensors are-a picking up a conversation, between (transmission crackles)…
Cut to EXT. Romeo adjusts his earpiece, struggling to hear his partner.
What is it A.L.F.A??
(crackles) ‘eesa running guns through-a the Dunkin’ Donuts!
Your breakin’ up on me, kid. WHO’s the fahhhhkin’ gun runnah?
As Romeo rises to his feet, he feels a the barrel of a gun against his head. Knowing that he’s facing the mysterious criminal mastermind behind the black market gun-running, he slowly turns to face him. His eyes open wide with shock.
Roger Fahhhkin Goodell?!!
FADE TO BLACK, WITH SUSPENSEFUL MUSICAL STING
So I tried to crowd-fund the project on GoFundMe…but some guy named Sully called the idea ‘wicked fahhkin’ queer’ and another guy named Murph just typed, ‘Eat a dick.’
But I won’t be discouraged. Using the power of social media, let’s get #alfa&romeo trending. If I can do that, I just know that Alfa Romeo will sit up and take notice because ideas like this don’t come around every day. Also does anyone know how to contact any of the Wahbergs? Funny thing about social media, it also allows people to block you, and provides ample evidence for ‘restraining orders.’