Hyundai has always been known for their ability to cater to their customers and provide those individuals with all of the features and capabilities that they could possibly want. However, one South Korean man is claiming that the car brand is actually out to kill him.
Fresh off brain damage from a freak unicycle accident, Hyun Ming claims that Hyundai has been harassing him with threatening commercials and advertisements for the better part of a week. Ultimately, the man is scared for his well-being, as he claims the company has devised a plan to kill him.
“I was just sitting at home watching pirated episodes of Seinfeld when a commercial for Hyundai popped up,” Mr. Ming told The Lemon in an exclusive interview. “The commentator kept saying the brand’s name over and over again. “Hyundai.” “Hyundai.” “Hyun-die.” That’s when I realized that the brand was actually out to get me. I swear at one point, they explicitly said “Hyun must die.” That’s no coincidence! They want me dead!”
The man’s paranoia goes beyond commercials. Rather, Mr. Ming also claims that he’s been seeing an unusual number of Hyundai’s vehicles driving through his neighborhood, and each of the drivers seems to give the man an odd stare. He’s also observed Hyundais driving around him whenever he’s traveling in his car, and Mr. Ming believes that these drivers are attempting to cause a collision. The Lemon caught up with one of these Hyundai owners, who claimed they were only staring at Mr. Ming because he was shouting obscenities in their direction.
“I looked over to the side of the road and saw Mr. Ming yelling with his shirt off,” said the driver, who wished to remain anonymous. “He was shouting that he was on to me and knew of my plan. That seemed surprising to me, as I was simply going out to get some KFC. I’m unsure how he knew of my plans. Am I fat? Is that how he knew?”
Why would Hyundai have a personal vendetta against Mr. Ming? Well, the individual claims that he previously owned one of the brand’s vehicles, but quickly traded it in for a Chevy. When he had initially approached the local dealership about his requests, he claims the salesman went to a back room “to make a phone call.” Soon after, all of the employees were seemingly giving the individual an odd look, and he claims that one individual even made a threatening hand gesture. When he arrived home, he found that the had two missed phone calls from the dealership, as well as an additional missed call from an unknown number.
Predictably, Hyundai has come out and said that they have no intent to harm Mr. Ming.
“Honestly, before this news story broke, we had no idea who Hyun Ming was,” the brand said in a prepared statement. “We’re not entirely sure why this South Korean man believes we’re out to kill him, but we can definitively say that his claims are not true. We’d prefer to focus on our innovations instead of some nut-job.”
Still, this statement hasn’t stopped an advocacy group (predictably led by Mr. Ming) from fighting back. “Hyuns Against Hyundai” was established earlier this week, with the hope that the group will gather enough individuals named Hyun to “fight back against the establishment.” For starters, HAH is hoping for a peaceful resolution. That’s why they’ve suggested the brand simply changes their name to “HyunLive,” thus eliminating any of the perceived “dying” implications.
“We have no interest in changing the name of our company,” Hyundai said in the same statement. “We have decades and decades of tradition that we’re not going to throw away because of a small group of paranoid individuals.”
Following the statement, Hyuns Against Hyundai decided to up the ante. Now, the group is claiming that they’re going to march to the brand’s headquarters and demand access to confidential company reports. This way, these individuals can definitively learn whether Hyundai is actually out to kill them. If the company refuses to hand over these documents, Mr. Ming implied (by picking up a baseball bat and taking a couple of swings) that the group will resort to more drastic strategies.
“We just want some closure,” Mr. Ming said. “I haven’t been able to sleep since I first saw those commercials. All I keep thinking about is how I’m powerless against such a large company like Hyundai… I can’t even say their name without getting a feeling of dread.”
Hyundai has seemingly gotten tired of Mr. Ming and HAH’s efforts, and they’ve threatened a lawsuit if the individuals don’t relent on their slanderous claims. Mr. Ming is already fighting back, as his lawyer is convinced that the conspiracy may be rooted in truth.
“Hyundai is undoubtedly out to harm my client,” said homeless former animal attorney, Hugh Janus. “No company would be so foolish to include the word “die” in their name if they actually weren’t looking to harm that individual. Mr. Ming is simply the first person to pick up on these threats. All Hyuns around the world should clearly be on high alert.”
Mr. Ming clearly isn’t taking any risks. The man recently hired a security service for his one-bedroom apartment.
“Since they’ve started working, many of my valuables have disappeared,” he said. “This isn’t a coincidence… it’s clearly Hyundai.”
The man has also purchased several weapons, including a replica samurai sword from the hit show, “The Walking Dead.” Mr. Ming is convinced that there isn’t much he can do to fight off the company and any of their cronies, but he’s also convinced that he won’t go down without a fight.
“Hyundai thinks they can bully me by claiming I’m going to die,” Mr. Ming said as he swung his baseball bat. “Well look who’s laughing now, Hyundai. Hyun is now dying of laughter… and I won’t stop until they finally change their name.”