In many ways, the auto industry is like a rugged old tortoise: dependable, stoic, and slowly plodding toward an inevitable expiration date that’s likely to occur sometime just before the heat-death of the universe. It is upon this noble tortoise that I hang my hat and so I’m relieved to see it stumble forward, day after day, reinventing itself and staying connected to the youth of today. Toward that end, Buick recently announced a new ad campaign targeted toward the young and hip car-buyers they’ve desperately been trying to connect with for about 30 years now. It is… impressive.
Keeping It Real
Normally, I like to provide my own thoughts and commentary about the things the auto industry does, but today I’m going to take a step back and let it speak for itself. To that end, here follows the press announcement released by Buick about its new campaign, in its entirety:
For Release: 12:34 p.m. EST
February 22, 2022
GM and Buick Partnered to Do It for the Gram
Sales on fleek across all departments
Running cold with ice in our veins
Special “YOLO” badges at participating dealerships (do kids still say that? Don’t type that last part Philman!)
DETROIT – In a continuing effort to connect with our customers, Buick is pleased to announce today that it will be moving forward with our latest, “Get Woke and Go Broke” advertorial campaign. We’re keeping it snatched, natch, and this offer will be limited only to those that are truly woke and come in riding dirty – preferably the dirtiest. Continuing our proud tradition of yassification, Buick is introducing a new lineup of based models designed to hit different and bring you the glow up you deserve. Bet.
We know what you’re saying fam, “Is this for real, dog, or are you frontin’?” We got you and you have our word that this is on god, for reals. Every model in this lineup is an absolute snack and designed to give you the main character energy you deserve, with a no cap design that hits different (you already used that one Philman – don’t repeat yourself!). In order to meet your demands, we’ve eliminated all caps from the vehicle – no gas cap, no distributor cap, no engine oil cap – no cap! Bet.
Best of all, this new path forward includes all aspects of your vehicle and finna the warranty too. No more worrying about car companies ghosting you, as long as you perform a vibe check every 12 months or 10,000 miles, you’ll be pure cheugy. We know what you’re thinking – this seems pretty sus, but check it: we’ve double-checked everything and made sure our new cars are drip from start to finish, front to back. No need to stan and if your wheels ever touch grass, then you can get based service you deserve. Bet.
Hey, your time is valuable, so we’re going to go ahead and yeet on outta here to let you keep your day on fleek. Let Buick take you to where you need to go: the mall, the arcade, or that fruit stand just across the street from the little bed and breakfast you were at for a throuple’s getaway last weekend. Wherever your journey takes your authentic self, Buick will be there to drip on the competition, dab for the haters, and go broke to keep it woke. Bet.
As you can see, Buick’s marketing department and leadership have a clear vision for this new ad campaign. I can’t imagine it won’t be successful, after all, they clearly have their fingers up their––I mean, on the pulse of the community.
Editor’s Note: Although we were uncertain of this article at first, having now received the press release from Buick, we have verified its authenticity. No need to be sus, this is no cap. Bet.