In my field, I’m required to write about cars. Well, since I’m a bit of an idiot, I giggle to myself whenever I read a car term that could be interpreted as inappropriate. Well, fortunately for you, I’ve compiled some of my favorite could-be-inappropriate terms below. That way, we can all join in on the immature fun!
This might not be particularly relevant to you as a car buyer, as this won’t be particularly important when you’re shopping for used cars for sale. However, when the salesman is describing the various attributes of a particular car, you can definitely giggle to yourself when they say something silly…
Whether you’re exploring an SUV or truck’s payload, interior space, or bed dimensions, you’ve surely read about the vehicle’s “full load.” This is often referring to the “maximum” amount of a particular feature, whether it be cubic-feet of space or a specific payload weight.
However, as the immature human being that I am, when I hear “full load,” I think back to when I was forced to share a single room with my family for a week on vacation. Therefore, whenever I see this particular term used to describe a vehicle, my mind immediately resorts to blue balls, not interior space.
“In the Rear”
I think I’ve devised a pair of reasons why I, the writer of this article, believe an individual would ever use the term “in the rear.” They include:
I’m requesting that someone helps me load the back of my vehicle (i.e. “Hey, Randy! Can you help me load this piano in the rear of my truck!”
Butt stuff (i.e. “Smokey Jazz Hands! Go sleep on the couch. When I said I didn’t want to do it, that didn’t mean I wanted it in the rear.”)
Which one are you more familiar with? If I said, “hey, reader: in the rear.” Would your mind automatically go to loading the back up a pickup truck, or would you immediately think about trying to force yourself into a bum? The choice is yours, and it will ultimately say a lot about your personality (for what it’s worth).
Dipsticks are an essential part of a vehicle, as they allow drivers to monitor their engine’s oil levels. However, many individuals also use “dipstick” as an insult. This might not be a big deal to you, but I am particularly sensitive. When I need to check my car’s oil, I feel bad calling the necessary part a “dipstick.” It’s not his fault he’s stupid.
Apparently, according to Urban Dictionary, “dipstick” can also refer to a male’s genital area (otherwise known as “penis”)…
… yea, I don’t have a whole lot of reactions to that revelation. If anything, I’d request that the automotive industry considers changing the name of this particular car part.
Anything to do with a “Stroker”
If you’ve ever tried to boost the torque of your vehicle, we’re sure you’re familiar with a stroker kit. This aftermarket part increases the path of the piston inside the engine, leading to displacement. This ultimately increases power specs, although it may compromise your system’s ability to rev.
However, when I hear stroker, I think of what my grandma always used to say to me when I was younger:
“You’re never going to get married, you little piece of shit. You’re going to be a stroker, just doing perverted things to yourself all day long. Get me another glass of wine!”
I gotta say: grandma, you weren’t wrong… you weren’t wrong…and that’s why I’ll never pursue a stroker fit for my brand-new car.
Listen, I get it. YourMechanic.com did an excellent job of describing the duties of this particular car part:
“A clutch master cylinder contains a reservoir that stores the brake fluid. It is connected to the clutch slave cylinder through hoses. When you push the clutch pedal, brake fluid flows from the clutch master cylinder to the slave cylinder, applying the pressure necessary to move (engage) the clutch.”
But like… what the fuck, automotive industry? Seriously? I mean, when I hear master/slave, my mind automatically goes to some kinky sexual shit. However, I was thinking, the master/slave relationship is rooted back in time to literal human slavery. There weren’t any better suggestions? You seriously couldn’t think of a better name for this particular part? Were you all in a boardroom, thinking “hm, what should we call this part?”
Jeff: “What about brake fluid reservoir 1 and brake fluid reservoir 2?”Boss: “Fuck you, Jeff. That’s stupid. What about Master/Slave cylinder?”
Everyone: “Yes, sir.”
Yup, this inclusion is purely attributed to my lack of maturity. Rubber is used seemingly everywhere today, especially in cars… and condoms… and other sexual things… hehe…
“Driving a Stick”
“Oh, so you’re driving a stick, Shelly? Surrrrrrre you are. Yep, whatever you say Shell.”
If your name is coincidently Shelly, you may have heard your friends say that after you told them you started to drive a stick. We know what you were referring to: you were pointing out that your new car was equipped with a manual transmission, requiring you to use the accompanying stick.
However, your immature, idiot friends immediately thought you were having sex with the captain of the football. Don’t worry Shelly: I know what you were talking about (and you go girl).
You ever blown a tranny before? Jeez, I did. I was simply driving down the road on a winter night when my car suddenly started to shake violently. I had a tough time controlling the vehicle, and smoke was billowing from the hood. I didn’t know what to do, and my phone was stolen earlier that night, meaning I couldn’t call for help. I had already spent my hundreds of dollars. I didn’t know what to do, so I finished blowing the transvestite in my passenger seat and pulled over.