The auto industry is a fickle creature with manufacturers constantly chasing after new markets and demographics to buy their vehicles. While you might spend your time researching things like the 2022 Chevy Silverado vs 2022 Toyota Tundra to see which would be better for you, the companies building these pickups are more interested in figuring out how to get new people to buy their vehicles. You might suggest simply making a great vehicle that offers everything a person could want would be enough, but these manufacturers tend to go in a different direction.
Recently, documents from inside some of the biggest manufacturers were leaked that reveals they’ve been using a targeted approach to developing their new models. Utilizing cutting-edge algorithms and “web spiders,” they’ve crawled through the social media and messages of their existing customers to look for new markets. Based on the data they pulled from existing truck owners, Chevy and Toyota are designing new trucks with a new kind of owner in mind. What market are they chasing? Well…
Chevy Developing the “Silverado Soy-Boy Beta Male Edition”
Apparently, based on Chevy’s research, a lot of their truck owners frequently use the terms “soy boy” and “beta male” while online and via their various social media accounts. Based on my information, Chevy’s executives were unsure of the context of such comments, but the incredibly high prevalence of their usage suggests such ideas are very important to Chevy truck drivers. As such, they’re set to announce the all-new Silverado Soy-Boy Beta Male edition.
While the details are still being finalized, Chevy’s designers are designing this new special edition to run on soy vegetable products, including soy milk, tofu, and even whole edamame. There was apparently some interest in allowing the vehicle’s engine to run on soy sauce, but someone mentioned “MSG” and the entire developing team went into a panic and tossed the idea out the window. The interior will be designed with the “beta male” in mind, featuring comfortable seating, running boards that make it easy to get in and out, and great climate controls since alpha males certainly don’t need any of those things in their trucks.
Toyota Focuses on the Growing “Cuck Lord” Market
In response to Chevy’s aggressive tactics to lure beta males to the latest Silverado models, Toyota has responded with its own special edition of the Tundra: the Beta Cuck package with optional “Simp” features. The most impressive aspect of this design is an innovative steering system that allows the driver to sit in the back seat so that his wife and her boyfriend can both ride up front. Additional features include an available “Simp” system that keeps the driver’s side door locked until the driver opens the passenger door for a partner, along with passenger airbags that deploy before the driver airbags. Of course, Chevy and Toyota aren’t the only ones looking into this new market…
Others Running to Catch Up
According to my sources, while Chevy and Toyota have the lead, both Ford and Ram are feverishly working hard to stay competitive. My understanding is that Ford is developing a new F-150 model, which features a gear shifter that you can only use when your partner’s hand is resting on yours on top of it. Additional options will include climate and entertainment controls that can only be operated by the passenger, as well as navigation that features a stern female voice that gives you directions in a crisp, British tone.
The next Ram 1500 will feature a “Super Soft” interior package that includes silk seating with satin trim and plush upholstery throughout. This interior option will be available in seven different pastel shades, including Flamingo, Winter Breeze, and Kitten Tummy. The seatbelts are wrapped in velvet for extra comfort, while the car horn on the Super Soft package changes to a soft, cooing sound; finally, the seatbelt reminder becomes a gentle voice that assures you that you’re safe and everything is all right.
Editor’s Note: We’ve reached out to the above manufacturers for comment, but so far they have ignored our requests. Based on additional information utilizing these new algorithms, it seems that they may also be working on a “Big Dick Energy” edition for the Ford Mustang, as well as a BMW model that simplifies the driving experience by eliminating the turn signals. We’ll keep you updated as more information becomes available. Thank you.