Biden’s Initiatives Destroy Auto Industry

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President Biden is shown walking down a road with potholes.

President Biden, whom many experts agree is most likely two kids on each other’s shoulders in a navy-blue suit, has been working overtime to dismantle this country. Not only has he been dismantling the auto industry, but now he’s pushing for increased funding for infrastructure and fixing the crumbling roads and bridges of our fine nation. I don’t claim to be an industrial engineer, but if the Good Lord wants a bridge to fail over the span of 50 years and for innocent men, women, and children to die when it collapses, then who are we to try to prevent it!?

Recently, the arrogance of Smilin’ Joe has gone too far as his initiatives have threatened the wellbeing of the auto industry. In particular, recent pushes will likely result in billionaires and industry leaders losing out on a small amount of money. If this isn’t the worst thing to happen in the 3,000-year history of our species, then I don’t know what is.

The Grotesque EV Agenda

Friends, this is going to be hard to read, so I hope you’re sitting down. If you’re not sitting down, then find a seat and get comfortable – I’ll wait. Sitting now? Good. Biden hates your freedom, and he’s destroying this country by promoting EV sales.

That’s right – Electric Vehicles, the most diabolical initiative ever promoted by the Liberal elite, are getting another push and trampling over the auto industry and the internal combustion engine. I’m sure you already know about the disgusting $7,500 federal tax incentive that’s currently available on all plug-in EV models, including plug-in hybrids and all-electric vehicles. This has been an insidious way to get people to give up on cars that are destroying our land, water, and air and instead start driving weak, insipid vehicles with better acceleration.

Well, now, things have gotten even worse! Biden’s trying to increase this tax credit all the way up to $12,500. If that wasn’t outrageous enough, in order to qualify for the extra amount, you have to buy a vehicle with a battery that’s made here in the US, the vehicle has to be domestic, AND made by union labor. When I’ve been shouting all these years about wanting people to “Buy American” and “Support American Workers” this isn’t what I meant. Absolutely shocking!

Safer Cars Infringing on Our Rights

It doesn’t stop with supporting American workers and their families, however, nor with promoting EV models over high-polluting options, oh no. The Dark Lord Biden has gone even further: the $1 trillion infrastructure package that was recently signed into law requires that automakers include new safety features and measures in the next few years. You don’t get to tell me how safe my vehicle should be, Congress; that’s what the Bible is for!

Under this new legislation, vehicles will need to have monitoring systems in them that stop intoxicated drivers from operating the vehicle. Can you imagine that!? Big Brother watching you drive: telling you not to go too fast, reminding you to wear your seatbelt, and even preventing you from driving just because you can’t focus, stay awake, or react to what’s going on around you. I’ve never hated anything as much as I hate this, and I’ve been hating things from the day I was born into this great nation.

Fighting the Natural Order

If you haven’t already shat yourself in disgust, then prepare your bowels for imminent release! This infrastructure legislation that was passed includes $110 billion to repair highways, bridges, and roads across the country. Now, it’s been a few years since I graduated from MIT, but I’m pretty sure that entropy is the essential, all-consuming force of the universe. The natural tendency for all things is to break down and fall apart.

But that’s not good enough for Ol’ “Stop People from Dying” Biden, is it!? According to the White House, this would help repair nearly “280,000 kilometers of America’s highways” – kilometers, really!? This is America, Mr. President, and we use the cubit here or nothing else! Of course, as a scholar, I use the Macedonian cubit, but if you prefer to use the Sumerian standard, I’m not going to stop you from looking like a fool.

Editor’s Note: Our managers tried to prevent us from publishing this important information, but we realize that the American people need to know what’s going on. Do you want safer bridges, roads, and vehicles driving on them? I thought not – reach out to your local representatives and let them know you prefer to die in fiery ignorance like nature intended! Thank you.

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