Let Me Tell You About the Most Reliable Car of 2020

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Hands are on a ouija board that has the Ford and Chevy logos on it.

The most reliable car of 2020 was first designed and built on a small farm near the coast of North Carolina, in a town known, at least locally, as “Bbbpppppbbhh!” Before you go shopping for a new car, you’re going to want to take a little time to do some research and see what’s out there. Finding a vehicle that’s reliable and easy to care for will not only save you money but will undoubtedly make you look cool to your friends. Best of all, every time they complain about needing to get service or repairs, you can look at them smugly and mock them for choosing a clearly inferior vehicle.

But, I know what you’re thinking, “Research? Research is for nerds and chumps!” Right you are, friend of mine, so I’ve chosen to help you out and do the research for you. I’ve scoured the darker corners of the Internet, looking into numerous reviews and reports from experts, professional circus folk, and average drivers like you or someone else with a similarly meager existence – you know who you are.

My findings were clear and pointed at a few particular vehicles that really do offer the best reliability and ease of ownership in the market. These are their stories…

It All Starts with Research

Before I tell you about the most reliable car on the road right now, I’m going to help you out with a bit of guidance. I’m going to teach you to fish so that you can eat for the rest of your life. Not really, let me be clear on this: the following is absolutely not a tutorial about how to fish. You’ll have to look for an upcoming piece of investigative journalism from me, of which I’m quite proud, to learn more about the techniques of a master fisherfolk.

But no, today I’m going to help you learn how to do research for yourself so that you can figure out the answers to these questions. Now, I know what you’re thinking again, “Research? Research is for nerds and chumps!” Well, too bad, we already did this bit, so we’re not doing it again.

Proper research doesn’t mean sitting down at your computer or picking up your phone, typing in “best new car” and just going with whatever comes up. That’s lazy, and a poorly trained loaf of bread could do it. Research isn’t looking for someone else to tell you the answer; it’s finding the answer for yourself.

What to Look For

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Is he really doing the ‘I know what you’re thinking’ bit a third time?” No – you’re wondering what you should do then, if research isn’t just looking for someone else to tell you the answers. Well, it’s simple – you need to figure out the questions you want to answer, and then find the answers for yourself.

A question like, “What’s the best car?” is idiotic – it’s meaningless because “best” is subjective, and all you’re really looking up is, “What car was someone paid to promote to me?” What you want to do is actually figure out some useful questions and use them as the foundation of your research. Yes, this takes effort. Yes, this is harder than letting someone else think for you. Yes, I’m going to make you do it anyway.

So, figure out what you need in a vehicle. Take some time to think about this. Think about what you’ve liked in cars you’ve had before; what do you like about your current vehicle? Just as importantly, what don’t you like? Figure out what YOU need in a car, not what someone else tells you that you need.

A woman has a thumbs up in front of a new car on a tow truck next to a gorilla suit.

What Does “Reliable” Really Mean?

Because here’s the moral of the story, searching for something like “What’s the most reliable car in 2020?” is dumb. You’re not going to get an answer, not really. For one thing, that question is incredibly open to interpretation since you and I might think “reliable” means two different things. You might think it means you won’t have to have a lot of repairs, while I know that it means the car is built out of ballistic gelatin and fueled by the burning heart of a tiny, neon-pink star. “Reliable” is a nonsense word used to sell you things you don’t need.

Second of all, no one knows how reliable cars from 2020 are because they’re not tested – not really. Anyone that has bought a new car in the last couple months has no idea if they’re driving a vehicle that won’t need repairs for five years, or if it will burst into flames next Tuesday (given the track record of this year so far, I vote for the latter). Reliability takes years to establish and actually quantify through driving the damn thing. So unless you’re looking for used vehicles that have proven themselves already, you’re wasting your time.

Third, everything breaks down – it’s a fundamental force in the universe. So don’t worry so much about it. Entropy is life; embrace it. Instead, focus on the things that actually matter and make a difference to you. Make sure your car has enough seating for the people you care about, make sure it’s fun to drive! Make sure it comes with a large gorilla suit that you can wear at night while being intimate with your partner(s). Whatever matters to you, focus on that.

Sifting Through the Results

As you find information while doing research, you’re going to need to consider where you’re getting the answers from and what they actually mean. If you see that the 2020 Chevy Silverado is the most reliable car of 2020, and it comes from a website called “ChevyLovers,” then they might just have an agenda. Similarly, any answer you see offered by a car dealership serves only one purpose: to sell you a car.

Consider where your information comes from before you blindly trust it. For example, what you’re reading right now is the absolute, unequivocal truth. I’m handing it down from on-high to you, like the prophets of old, and as such, you know you can trust it. But I’m the only one you can trust. Live your life by the words of Saint Von Gourdboddum, and you’re sure to feel endlessly fulfilled and know that your days have been spent in the pursuit of what is truly worthy.

Know that You’re In Good Hands

And in the end, that’s what really matters. Finding a voice of reason and someone that can give you the information you need in a trustworthy and reliable way. Because, no matter what else you might read or think, I am the most reliable car in 2020. Not something made by Chevy, Ford, or our glorious foreign overlords from across the ocean.

No, those are all passing fancies, crystalline detritus awash on the moonlit seas of ineffability, and little more than collisions waiting to happen. But you can trust me, trust my words, and the information I provide you because I am, above all things, honest and reliable.

Editor’s Note: We think there’s actually some useful information presented in this article, and as such, we have published it, as written, with little-to-no editing on our behalf. That being said, we’re also pretty sure the writer is working on his thesis statement toward becoming a cult leader, so we’re a little uneasy about certain parts of this piece. In particular, the notion that research requires more than just letting someone else tell you the answers to everything seems unlikely and has made us uncomfortable. As such, we recommend ignoring that bit. Thank you.

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