Life is Tough. Wanna Fade Away? Have We Got the Car for You!

White 2019 Buick Envision with United States shaped flag divided and indecisive man

America has become polarized.

While the events of recent years seem to exemplify the kind of partisan polarization that has become a defining influence upon our American culture, it’s hardly a recent development. And while the divide on fundamental values such as race, immigration, equality and the environment are often attributed to lack of alignment between the Republican and Democratic parties, that feels like a bit of a cop-out. Granted, a study performed by the Pew Research Center indicates that the gap between party loyalists has expanded from 15 to 36 points on average since 1994; but it would be lazy of us to criticize recent warring between political beliefs as the sole factor.

Trace the patterns of continual conflict. Republicans v. Democrats. Eminem v. MGK. iPhone v. Android. Britney v. Christina. Nike v. Reebok. Alien v. Predator. Coke v. Pepsi. Roe v. Wade. McDonald’s v. Burger King. Axis v. Allies. The fact is that we have always been a divided nation. As pawns in the high-stakes game of corporate one-upmanship, we’re little more than currency to be exchanged.

And where do such conflicts play out most heavily? On Social Media, between acquaintances called friends and loved ones made adversaries, guided by our apparent inability to respect one another’s conflicting ideologies. And with the early stages of yet-another vicious presidential race looming upon the horizon, it almost makes you want to fade away.

And (speaking of fading away) if you want to fade away, Buick has the perfect car for you. Meet the 2019 Buick Envision. Never heard of it? Well, that’s exactly the point now, isn’t it?

According to General Motors Executive Vice President Alan Batey(’s personal journal), “Ever just want to put on some warm PJ’s, cuddle up in a secret closet, put a Train CD on repeat and have a good cry? Ever just want to be invisible, so that no-one could ever find you? I do. Almost every day. But how? Even if Cloaks of Invisibility were real, where is a busy executive supposed find the time? Hmmm. A lot of our time is spent driving. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a car that could stop everyone from noticing you, sometimes?”

Putting aside our concern regarding the recent mental state of Mr. Batey, his troubles have shaped the Envision (first introduced in 2016) into what just might be the most uninteresting and forgettable vehicle ever made. In 2017, Car and Driver called the Envision, “bland and uninspired” while it’s been widely publicized that MotorTrend thought they were being pranked by an intern, and refused to believe it was actually a real car.

So, if you’re among the countless Americans who are sick of the constant feuding, internal conflicts and childish bickering consider the 2019 Buick Envision. No-one will ever both you again because the Envision is unlikely to ever do so much as ‘turn a head’. You might as well be invisible and, by opting out of any technology packages, you can live in a complete absence of Wi-Fi, allowing you to exist without constant Facebook notifications that would inevitably milk your soul. But its isolationist cabin experience does more than control online distractions. In fact, its QuietTuning technology helps to reduce, block and absorb noise (you know, in case you have to drive over a screaming protestor or two).


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