Local Man Buys GMC Sierra “Based on Misunderstanding”

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Black 2019 GMC Sierra 2500HD behind man wallowing in sadness

Gardner, MA – At a time when truck makers seem fixated on one-upping each other in regards to everything from weight reduction to standard technologies, it’s clear that no automaker is content to rest on their laurels, or surrender market share. Consider the bold plays made by industry-leaders Ford and Chevy, to position the F-150 and Silverado respectively as the headlining offer for each of the last few model years. Or consider the impressive gains made by Nissan’s Titan as it continues to gain a stronger foothold in overall market share for the segment, proving that the proverbial pie can be recut and redistributed if the offerings are strong enough.

Perhaps the only exceptions are the GMC Sierra and Honda Ridgeline. While the latter fails to make any significant impact due to the fact that it’s “an unholy union of design complacency and engineering incompetence” (according to MotorTrend) the former seems to exist only to frustrate people. Like a child ungrateful for having been given every advantage to succeed in life, the Sierra seems to content to discard every perk it enjoys as the GM stablemate of the enduringly popular Silverado. One could argue that aside from the subtle differentiation of front fascia and badging they’re basically the same truck. In turn, the Sierra should be far more successful than it is, in terms of overall sales. But like all great mysteries, it just isn’t. Put into terms that even a child could understand, it’s “the little truck that can’t”.

So, when Mick Short recently purchased the 2019 GMC Sierra 2500HD, it was bound to create some tension. Having owned a Sierra for approximately seven years prior, his decision to renew that commitment came organically. “My old truck was a pleasant surprise,” he explains. “I had bought it out of necessity, scrambling to get a replacement vehicle after my last truck shit the bed out of nowhere. And the Sierra did right by me, never letting me down. Hell, it helped me through the remodeling of my entire home…unfortunately, time was starting to take its toll. So, with the decision to purchase a new vehicle, I thought, “Why not pick up the new model?”

Derek Gaidanowicz and Michael Maillet have been friends with Mick for over three decades. According to Gaidanowicz, “The first time around, we let it slide. I mean, he needed a vehicle and needed one fast. So what if he got a used Sierra? If you’re wasting away in a desert, dying of thirst, no-one should make fun of you for drinking an RC Cola, if there isn’t any Coke or Pepsi around?”

Maillet agrees, adding, “But this time around he had a choice. Mick usually has his shit together, but we were understandably annoyed when he visited the GMC dealership with the clear intention of buying a Sierra. Who does that?”

In his own defense, Mick Short claims that he was tricked into buying the new Sierra. By whom you might be asking…and the answer might shock you. “I was on a business trip a few weeks back, prior to buying the truck. There I was in the Detroit airport Chili’s, waiting for my Blooming Onion to arrive when the waiter brings me a drink and says it came from the woman at the bar. I thanked her and invited her over to speak. Well, I’m fairly certain that woman was GM CEO Mary Barra, and equally sure that she roofied my drink. Left in a state of advanced inebriation I was easily suggestible, and she must have planted a subliminal directive in my mind to buy a Sierra. There’s really no other explanation.”

But considering that Mary Barra has not been in the Detroit airport in over nine weeks, the simple truth is that there is another explanation. That explanation? That Mick Short has shitty taste in trucks.

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