So, you’re headed to your local Ford, Chevy, Dodge or GMC dealer to look at trucks. Hell, maybe you’re even headed to a Toyota, Nissan or Honda dealership, we won’t judge (well, unless you’re looking at the Ridgeline, but that’s a whole other conversation). But, at the end of the day, few things are more American than a truck.
We can talk about baseball, apple pie, and rock & roll all you want, but there’s little point in arguing whether or not a reliable pickup truck has earned its place at the decorated table of Americana. Trucks are the backbone upon which we’ve built our American workforce, and the foundation used to create fleets of tractor trailers that help to deliver the goods that we rely upon. They are the means by which we tackle daily tasks, and have earned every ounce of our love and adoration.
But, while trucks face countless jobs needing doing and a genuine enthusiast base, truck culture has also fueled a subculture that chips away at the segments credibility. Of course, we’re talking about the purchase or modification of trucks as a means of bolstering masculinity. Now, don’t worry, we’re probably not talking about you, but you definitely know someone that we are talking about. Maybe they’ve bought more truck than they need, or opted for a hi-po engine configuration. Perhaps they’ve jacked the truck up with a lift kit and oversized tires. Maybe they’ve removed or modified the exhaust, to make sure that you know it’s them when you hear them coming. We’re not saying that such actions equate to overcompensation 100% of the time, but studies show that the two are definitely correlated.
A 2017 study of gently-intoxicated female Country music concert-goers has provided damning evidence that ‘although women are attracted to men who drive trucks, equating such vehicles with virulent masculinity, subjects over the age of 30 consider themselves (i) sexually unfulfilled, and (ii) previously unaware of just how lacking their partners were’. As indicated by interviews, subjects under the age of 30 tend to be unaware of just how bad they have it, distracted primarily by youthful machismo and pathetic Luke Bryan lyrics. Over the age of 30, however, female subjects who are approaching their sexual peak realize that they were simply wasting their time with ‘bad lays.’
The use of trucks as a means of overcompensating for either a lack (or perceived lack) of masculinity has increased exponentially over the past five decades. In 2018, social justice warriors might argue that toxic masculinity remains the prevailing malice of today’s society, but many would argue that masculinity has taken its fair share of hits in our post-Woodstock world. Since many young men of the 60’s were defying the workforce and military, they were relinquishing any claim on masculine characteristics. This was amplified by the sensitive 1970’s, capitalist and image-focused 1980’s, angst-ridden 1990’s, hipster 2000’s and so-on.
And now, here we are…
Now, listen…if you own a heavy-duty or hi-powered truck for practical use in towing, hauling or as a means of completing tasks…we’re not talking about you. If you’ve invested in such amazing offerings as Ford’s Raptor, we get it (and we’ve got your back). And if you’ve purchased an old square-body that you’re restoring, complete with powerful engine and modified suspension, we understand completely.
But for the rest of you (and you know who you are, Jobe), you’re not fooling anyone. Put down the Bond-o, turn down the Florida-Georgia line CD that you’re playing because your shitty stereo doesn’t even have an aux input, and accept the truth about either (i) your lack of penile girth (ii) your tendency towards premature ejaculation, or (iii) the fact that your girlfriend is always checking out that neighbor of yours in the sweet Charger (let’s call him “Mitch”, or maybe “Captain Dick4Days”).