Proud Boys Storm Ford Dealership After F-150 Loses Reader’s Choice Poll

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A line of SUVs at a Ford F-150 dealer is shown.

It’s been over a year since the capital was stormed by a massive group of mouth-breathing mongoloids that we refer to as Trump supporters. With the ongoing trial of former president Trump, some optimistically believed that the country could continue the process of healing after it flirted with fascism. The white supremacist networks that seemed to gain confidence in being visible during the Trump administration were thought to have slowly disappeared into the shadows among a sea of bud light cans stuffed with Marlboro cigarette butts. Much to our dismay, it appears that the margins that divide our ideologies are further than they’ve ever been before. It all began a few weeks ago when a readers poll was issued by The Farwell Brothers, the owners of a local Ford F-150 dealer. They asked people in the local community which truck they preferred; the F-150 or the Chevy Silverado 1500.

Maxwell Farwell, the dealer’s owner, said he wanted an honest and objective poll. “I wanted to let the readers decide which vehicle they’d rather see as America’s #1 selling pickup. No gimmicks, just an honest election poised to the people we share the community with.” And honestly, it was. 51% of those polled said they preferred the Silverado, compared to the 49% who chose Ford. A close call to say the least, but Farwell wasn’t angry about the results. “I’ve been a Ford man my entire life, but a result was reached, and I’m willing to concede to Chevy as being the more popular brand.”

While Farwell’s opinion on the matter can be considered fair and balanced, others were quick to take issue with the results of the reader poll. Most notably, Gavin McBarstad, leader of a local Proud Boys chapter. In a manifesto mailed to several local area newspapers, McBarstad outlines his outrage in several points that have left many people scratching their heads in confusion. “This poll was stolen by Chevy,” he claimed. He then went ahead on a long rambling statement accusing other manufacturers of colluding with Chevy to alter the results of the reader’s poll.

“Chevy would stoop to any level to gain a foothold in popularity.” McBarstad then went on to cite the integration of modern-day communism into the GM corporation, citing that the announcement last January about the all-electric Silverado was nothing more than a plot to undermine the petroleum industry and put millions out of work. Many rolled their eyes at McBarstad’s claims, assuming he was another right-wing whack job like Alex Jones, who, according to my 12-year-old nephew, “couldn’t score with his own sister if he paid her.”

McBarstad made good on his claims and outrage when he and several proud boys stormed the Farwell’s dealership last Tuesday, screaming, “Give us back our Ford; Chevy is a communist whore.” The 17-strong group felt they had won a significant victory in their fight, mainly because no employees challenged them. McBarstad, now in police custody, has been quite vocal during his incarceration regarding this. However, Farwell assured us there was a reason that he and none of his staff came to challenge the proud boys and their unruly assault; no one was there.

“Their show of force was impressive,” Farwell told us. “But it didn’t do him or his organization any good.” Farewell then explained that McBarstad and his cohorts chose to storm the dealership at 8:00 AM on a Sunday. Farwell Brothers don’t open until 10:00 AM on Sundays. By the time the sales team arrived to work, police had already dispersed the crowd after they were caught trying to overturn a used Nissan Leaf. The situation ended without incident, as most of McBarstad’s associates ran when they heard a car alarm go off. And as for the readers poll that incited so much turmoil, it will stand where it is.

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