2020 was a Dumpster Fire; These Vehicles Weren’t

0
549
A man in a suit is holding car keys while standing in front of a dumpster that is on fire.

Up until a few short months into the year 2020, having a bad day consisted of the garbage bag splitting wide open on the living room floor as you were taking it out to the garage, discovering someone hacked your AOL email account, and finding a hair in your Mexican pizza from Taco Bell. And we are wondering, who still has an AOL account? If 2020 were a vehicle, it would be either a 1977 Ford Pinto, 1972 Chevy Vega, or a Reliant Robin, any year as they all were a disaster. There are several reasons why 2020 was a total disaster, starting with the pandemic that altered all of our lives in the worst possible way. Now, bear with us for a minute; while it is true that 2020 sucked, you don’t have to look too far to see a silver lining, like the announcement of the 2021 Chevy Silverado 2500 HD, for example.

It seemed like at every turn, something happened in 2020 that was cause for shock, depression, anger, and despair. If it wasn’t the raging wildfires in California, it was the plunging Dow Jones average or the death of a guitar god. Any one of these calamities is enough to make your day, week, or even month stink as bad as Metallica’s St. Vitus album, but when they all happen amid Covid 19 and so close together, it’s enough to make you shutter up your doors and windows and never leave the house again. But we digress; here are a few takeaways from the automotive industry in the year 2020.

Chevy Silverado HD

Zombies are chasing after a black 2021 Chevy Silverado 2500 HD.

One thing you will notice with the new Silverado is that it is as big as ever, which is ideal in case 2021 turns out to be worse than 2020. Of course, considering how bad 2020 was, it would take the zombie acropolis to top everything that happened the previous year. Think about it, though, if the zombie apocalypse should come to fruition in 2021, mowing them down with your Silverado would be like swatting flies with a baseball bat.

The 6.6-liter engine packs a whopping 401 horsepower, enough to pack a wallop on the zombie horde. Can you think of a better vehicle to speed around in saving lives and crushing the undead? All the more reason to dump that Hyundai and get something with a little more strength and power.

Chevy Camaro

A black Chevy Camaro is parked in front of a red apocalyptic ruin.

The Chevy Camaro is the type of car that needs no introduction, everybody knows all about it. You know what it looks like, you see it on the streets, and it is identifiable at first glance; even if you aren’t interested in it, you gotta admit it is a sweet-looking ride. And it certainly qualifies as a bright spot in a year that saw half of California’s wilderness go up in flames, like a biblical plague.

While we are on the subject of biblical plagues, many people believe such happenings could happen in this day and age. Can you imagine driving to work having to outrun a swarm of locusts or a river of lava? Well, if you owned a Chevy Camaro, you would still get to work safe, sound, and on time. That is because the Chevrolet Camaro ZL1 has garnered the nameplate of the fastest car thanks in part to the 6.2-liter supercharged V8 under the hood that is armed with 650 horsepower, which offers unprecedented performance and will outrun those pesky locusts and river of lava with ease.

Jeep Wrangler

A silver Jeep Wrangler is parked in front of the Kraken from the 2012 movie Clash of the Titans.

There were times in 2020 when people thought it wasn’t possible for things to get any worse. It was so bad that there was talk on various internet boards that nobody would be surprised if Godzilla or the Kraken would emerge from the sea and wreak havoc on civilization. Now we don’t know about the rest of you, but if our cities were in imminent danger from such mythical creatures, wouldn’t you want a jack-of-all-trades vehicle to help survive the disaster? We would.

The beauty about the Jeep Wrangler is that it is such a versatile vehicle, it is a superior off-road machine, which is ideal as you know that after Godzilla crushes the city skyscrapers, he will hit the suburbs to Netflix and chill. So the only safe place to be is deep in the wilderness. And if you are driving a Mini Cooper, it’s highly unlikely you will make it out of your neighborhood. The Wrangler also offers plenty of cargo space as well as great towing capabilities, which means you can stock plenty of beans, protein bars, and all of the other survival gear you need to stay safe and sound until the beast retreats into the Pacific ocean.

As you are probably well aware, the Kraken is a legendary sea monster that can reach as high as the mainmast of a ship, and it would wrap its many arms around the hull of the ship, cracking it in half. As the crew would scramble to swim to safety in the form of a chunk of the hull or a piece of the broken mast, they would be mercilessly devoured by the creature. It is tales such as this that prompted us to consider the best way to defeat the Kraken should it resurface once again.

Our initial thought was that all you need to defeat the Kraken is a 2020 Jeep Wrangler fitted with a machine gun and blinding spotlight. In hindsight, our research showed that the Kraken could not simply walk onto land as it has no legs. And since the Wrangler isn’t seaworthy, we scrapped the idea completely.

Chrysler Town and Country

One of the worst aspects of the year 2020 was the fact that we could no longer pack stadiums for football or baseball games. In fact, you couldn’t attend any sporting events for quite some time. In addition, millions of tickets to music concerts were useless as all shows were canceled. Instead, we were locked in our homes and had to rely on Netflix for our entertainment. This was tolerable at first, but people were so very eager to go to a football game or attend a concert.

As things get better in the new year, things will get back to normal, and once again, we can cheer on our favorite teams by attending the games and sing along with our favorite bands. But before attending your first concert in a long time or tailgating on your choice of sporting events, you will want to ensure you have the right vehicle.

The obvious choice is the Chrysler Town and Country. Yes, the Town and Country is a minivan, and we all know that has a stigma attached to it, but hear us out first. The Town and Country offers Swivel ‘n Go seating, which basically transforms the minivan into a party room on wheels. It’s the perfect place to knock back a few before the show or game while laughing it up with your friends and having a good time. All you need is to fit it with a rear console refrigerator.

Look, 2020 was a disaster in every sense of the word. But instead of letting it get you down and feeling bad all of the time, think about the positive aspects to help you get out of your funk. 2021 is here, and it promises to be a better year, at least we hope so.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here