In general, I prefer to keep a widespread view of the auto industry – I like to look at things that affect the entire country or even have global impact. But every now and again, something occurs at a local level, or a state level, that is so revolutionary that I have to turn my awesome gaze upon it. Recently, while talking to a friend at a Houston used truck dealer, he told me about a series of laws that are currently being proposed in the state. These were so remarkable to me that I felt the need to share them with you, my adoring fans.
The lawmaking process is complex in this country, so it could be some time before we see any of these get signed into law. Still, the potential for how they will reshape everything we know about the auto industry and Texas itself is quite significant. Fortunately for you, I’ve cut through all of the legalese, and I’ll present these to you in layman’s terms so that you – my layman readers – can follow them.
Law #1 – Seatbelts: My Body, My Choice!
If the last couple of years have taught us anything, it’s that Conservatives are heavily invested in making sure people have total bodily autonomy. Not for reproductive rights, of course, or casual drug use, nor for sexual attraction between consenting adults, or for the safety and wellbeing of young people in schools. Those are complicated matters where people need to be protected from themselves. But when it comes to difficult situations like having to wear a mask for 10 minutes or get a safe shot to protect other people, the rights of a citizen’s body must not be restricted!
In keeping with this bold trend, a law has recently been proposed to eliminate all seatbelt laws in the great state of Texas. After all, if you cannot require someone to wear a small piece of cloth over their nose and mouth to protect others, how can you require they wear a painful and restrictive strip of cloth across their lap and torso!? Everyone knows seatbelts restrict breathing, and they cause more deaths than they prevent – I saw a video online about it; it’s true! In keeping with this, there is also a push to ban the use of child seats – the government has no place telling parents how to strap their children into cars!
Law #2 – Ban on “Abortionmobiles”
Apparently, according to a recent study conducted among Texas Conservatives, there is a fleet of vehicles roaming the vast wastelands of Central Texas offering affordable healthcare to expectant mothers. My understanding is that “expectant mothers” in this context refers to all women – by definition, in Texas, a woman only exists to have children; therefore, that is their only government-sanctioned role. Makes sense.
These so-called Abortionmobiles drive around and provide women with information on the safe use of contraceptives, advice regarding healthcare and preventative practices, and fill their minds with all kinds of thoughts about their wellbeing and rights. Fortunately, there’s a push now to pass a law banning the existence of these vile vehicles, which would fine and punish any auto dealership selling vans to the companies that conduct such practices. While there is no proof of these “Abortionmobiles” actually existing, that hasn’t prevented large groups of Texans from railing against them and voting for unqualified idiots who will stop their reign of terror.
Law #3 – Getting Tough on Illegals
Finally, a new law currently being worked on is designed to get tough on the scourge of illegal immigrants who call Texas their home. According to the US Constitution, “All persons born or naturalized in the United States… are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.” As you can see, this clearly states that only people born in the US are citizens; this means that unborn fetuses, which Texas clearly views as living people, haven’t been born in the US and are, therefore, illegals!
A new law would push to have these leeches on society rounded up and driven out of the country, or at least out of the state. While such measures might seem harsh, the good people of Texas no-doubt see it as the right and necessary thing to do. I, for one, applaud the strength of their convictions on such a clear-cut matter.
Editor’s Note: We reached out to several Texas legislators, all of whom refused to comment on this article or the proposed laws mentioned herein. Based on our own research, the third law mentioned here shouldn’t be too much of an issue, as recent legislation seems to be aimed at eliminating the presence of all women, pregnant or otherwise, from the state. Thank you.