Back in the day, consumers appreciated the opportunity to choose from any color that wasn’t some generic variation of black or white. Nowadays, car brands seemingly offer their customers dozens of paint options as they’re building their new car. Some of these exclusions might seem a bit odd, but you’ve truly seen nothing until you explore some of the color options that were left on the cutting room.
In a multiyear research project, I have uncovered some major brand’s failed paint offerings. Some of these offerings are rather mundane, but some indicate some creepy revelations from the engineers past. We’d assume that some of these offerings failed because of their unappealing name, while others proved to not be popular to test audiences.
“There’s a number of reasons why paint colors never make their way to the general public,” said car color expert, Seamus Dweeby. “For instance, “Rancid-Buttered Popcorn Yellow” just doesn’t sound appealing to customers. While it may accurately describe the color of the paint, it might not leave the best image in a consumer’s head. Meanwhile, “The Haunting Color of the Fire Trucks That Arrived to Pull Your Friend’s Limp, Dead Body from the Ocean” seems to be a bit too specific and close-to-home for anyone to opt for the option. Plus, it’s a bit creepy.”
Several car enthusiasts have actually started petitions to get these colors back on the road, as they claim they have historical significance.
“The “Death of Our Ancestors Red” paint color can apply to any nationality, religion, or race,” said Sarah Huckabee. “It’s a travesty that brands are so quick to discontinue these offerings. Rather, they should be embracing the limited history that these colors provide.”
For now, this list if purely to inform. I’ve provided a bit of context for each of the color offerings. Perhaps with enough fan interest, we can see these colors reintroduced in the upcoming years…
- Mauve (all brand’s attempted this color offering, but they found that no one likes to say “mauve”)
- Death of Our Ancestors Red (personally, I’ve yet to grasp the historical impact of this color)
- The Real Color of Blood Blue (this is scientifically accurate, but not very popular)
- Rainy Mud and Water Brown (the car brand claimed that the color was intended to hide mud during any messy off-roading excursions. Instead, the car just always looked dirty).
- Really, Really, No-Racism Intended Black (this was actually produced several years ago, but test audiences agreed that claiming that there was “no-racism intended” was actually kind of racist)
- Twinkie Yellow (reportedly created when an overweight engineer finished his lunch)
- Greenish-Bluish-Yellowish (back in the 1960s, overworked engineers had a tough time landing on one specific description of their color)
- Randy Newman Dull White (in recognition of the singer-songwriter’s lack of talent)
- Underside of an Envelope Yellow (no real back story for this color… the paint just really resembled this specific shade of yellow)
- 3-D Dorito Orange (also reportedly created when an overweight engineer finished his lunch)
- Grizzled Man-Beard Gray (few consumers wanted their vehicle to resemble their facial hair)
- Washington Redskins Orange (the NFL team attempted to create a color based on their uniforms, but they found that few consumers wanted to be affiliated with a racist team name)
- Cleveland Indians Red (same as Washington Redskins Orange)
- Fighting Irish Green (same as Washington Redskins Orange)
- Night Bender Brown (back in the 1960s, engineers also liked to get drunk, and this color reflected their sights after a night of binge drinking)
- Rotting Meat Pinkish Brown (also reportedly created when an overweight engineer finished his lunch)
- Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Yellow (Kraft attempted to produce their own vehicle back in the 1980s, but absolutely zero consumers were interested in a vehicle produced by a food manufacturer)
- Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Red (test audiences claimed that this offering was a bit too specific. They also weren’t a fan of the shade)
- Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Purple (same as Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Red)
- Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Pink (same as Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Red)
- Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Yellow (same as Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Red)
- Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Orange (same as Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Red)
- Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Black (same as Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Red)
- Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Blue (same as Aunt Edna’s Lipstick Red, although test audiences did like the shade of blue)
- Baby Burp Blue (many people thought this title was a bit too specific. It was later learned that the creator’s baby was actually suffering from a rare fungal disease).
- Rancid-Buttered Popcorn Yellow (few consumers like rancid popcorn, and it’s apparent that they don’t like that color, either)
- Fruity Pebbles (the multi-color exterior sent several individuals to the hospital for seizure symptoms)
- Honey Nut Cherrios (another cereal-inspired paint color that didn’t generate much interest from test audiences)
- Martin Lawrence Yellow (was supposed to emphasize the colorful personality of actor Martin Lawrence… unfortunately, his career ended before the release of the applicable cars)
- Chewed Bubblegum Faded Pink (this color does bring back memories of childhood, but none of them are very vivid)
- Horrible Childhood Memories Purple (unbelievably, consumers weren’t inclined to think of horrible past memories)
- That Unique Blue Color That Reminds You of the Time That You Watched Helplessly from the Ocean’s Edge as Your Friend Drowned
- The Haunting Color of the Fire Trucks That Arrived to Pull Your Friend’s Limp, Dead Body from the Ocean
- The Flashing Yellow of the Cop’s Light as He Asked You Why You Did Nothing to Help Your Friend
- Your Friend’s Parents’ Tears When They First Learned of Their Child’s Horrific Death Blue (the past four offerings proved to be a bit too specific for consumers. The creator of the paint color was subsequently placed in a mental institution).
- Clear
Ultimately, after having explored some of the numerous paint offerings, it seems like a good idea by the car manufacturer to avoid releasing these colors. However, nostalgia is popular right now, so we wouldn’t be shocked if enthusiasts put together an online petition to get these paint colors back on the market.
