7 Alternate Uses for the Ford Raptor

0
54
A hand holding up two fingers and a hand holing up five are shown in front of a dark grey 2021 Ford F-150 Raptor.

The 2021 Ford F-150 Raptor has long been a popular go-to for stark-raving truck enthusiasts. Its fans are well aware of how capably this truck can pull enormous weight, trudge through intense terrain, and growl like no one’s business, but did you know that the F-150 Raptor can do more? Perhaps it’s a lack of imagination on the drivers’ part or even some deep-buried details in Ford’s branding, but Raptors have some surprising alternate uses.

And this poor, poor, neglected truck never gets to put these features to good use. All it wants to do is show off to a willing owner, but Raptor fans never let this ingenue shine. Wouldn’t you feel yourself shrink a little if you had amazing talents that never saw the light of day? The Raptor has feelings, too! Here are seven little-known and highly capable alternate uses for the F-150 Raptor that you must try, lest your Raptor give up hope.

A black 2021 Ford F-150 Raptor is driving through the woods next to a bear and raccoon.

Talk to Animals

Many of Mother Nature’s wonders who explore this mortal coil with us can’t help but feel distant from the human species. We can’t speak their language, understand their thoughts, or sympathize with their unique experiences. You’ll never truly know the feeling of dragging your belly across a tree branch until you get into the mind of a venomous serpent, which is why the new Ford F-150 Raptor is so handy.

Thanks to the Raptor’s Next-Gen Fox Shocks, which adjust to terrain conditions, your truck will interact with the ground around it as it drives, sending vibrations to all manner of wildlife who can’t hear with human-like ears but rather sense the pulses radiating through the earth and air. Commune with natural wonders like snakes, spiders, moles, badgers, and cockroaches as you traverse the great outdoors, sending well wishes to those who sense your good vibrations. Don’t worry; each species will find its own special way to thank you for greeting them.

A black 2021 Ford F-150 Raptor is shown parked in the desert behind Indian Jones.

Pretend You’re Indiana Jones

Editor’s note: sub in the dashing explorer and adventurer that’s appropriate to your generation.

Who hasn’t fantasized about darting head-first into a daring exploit, whip in hand, shirt unbuttoned, head festooned in a wide-brimmed canvas hat? Say goodnight, all who would dare to get between you and the goblet, chest, or other glimmering MacGuffin that propels you forth. But every adventurer worth their salt needs a sidekick at their back, and the new F-150 Raptor is the companion of your dreams.

The Raptor’s expert off-road equipment, like 5-like rear suspension and 7-mode Terrain Management System, enables you to go where you never could before. Sear through the hidden sand dunes of the Mojave, zoom near-vertically up Mount Rainier until you reach the glazed apex, or drive down main street in Yonkers. Wherever even the brave dare not go, you, oh glorious rider at the helm of the all-terrain Raptor, can say you explored and returned alive.

A middle aged man with sun glasses is shown popping his collar in front of a white 2021 Ford F-150 Raptor.

Face Your Mid-Life Crisis Head-On

Life is a highway, they say, and for some of us, that highway can feel like it’s getting shorter and shorter until it abruptly plummets into the deep abyss of an endless ocean. If you can’t help but feel like there’s more behind you than ahead, perhaps the Ford Raptor can help you add some mileage to your trip? This truck is an expert at tackling the off-road, so why not twist and wind your way off course for a while instead of heading straight toward the inevitable deep dive? Whether that means a new hobby, surprising facial hair designs, or sudden interest in alternative medicine, the Raptor will be your accompaniment through your own personal age of exploration. It’s the perfect conduit for you to advertise youth and new-found hope to the world around you.

An interview is taking place in front of a dary gray 2021 Ford F-150 Raptor.

Conduct Professional Interviews

The business world is a field of strategy, concealed impulses, and the occasional back-stab, so you need to know just who exactly you’re working with. What’s lurking behind a potential coworker or employee’s plastic smile and poly-blend businesswear? If you want to test the trustworthiness of any and all candidates-for-hire, simply request that you hold all interviews from the captain’s seat of your Ford Raptor.

With enormous ground clearance and a sharp, intimidating exterior, your Raptor is the perfect venue from which to perch and look down upon your interviewees. Watch as lies, deceit, and false resume stuffing fall away before the judgment of the Raptor’s fortitude. Only the just and eager will survive the interview without quaking in their loafers.

A hand is shown holding a set of car keys in front of a person sprinkling flour on a table.

Become a Better Baker

Want to win the next bake-off? Your best baking companion is not a stand mixer, not a whisk, and certainly not a cookie sheet, but a pickup truck. Just how flat can your flaky pastries, pancakes, and icing sheets get? Let a Ford F-150 Raptor be the judge of that. These full-size pickups translate thousands of pounds of power through their rugged tires, which is more than enough power to keep the yeastiest dough as flat as possible.

Build a House

Nothing feels better than sleeping in a shelter than you made yourself, especially if it has walls and a roof. Many people are fortunate enough to purchase their own house, but rare are those who can build it themselves. All you’ll need are the following ingredients:

  • A modular house kit (available somewhere––probably)
  • A few rolls of duct tape
  • A series of metal chains
  • A Ford F-150 Raptor
  • A-frames
  • A whole lot of nerve

With these materials in hand or at heart, you’re ready to get to building. First, set up a few wooden A-frames for your house, which are a great deal like a whale’s skeleton in that they can support endless weight. Stand it up and tell it to stay.

Next, hook up a few modular walls and roof segments to your F-150 Raptor. Securely chain the kit’s components to your truck, then get to pulling! Use those thousands of pounds of towing potential to set every wall, doorway, window, and roof slope just so. Duct tape in every joint will seal it in place.

Run Errands

Only the demented enjoy running errands, which is why errands are typically run in boring silver sedans and white minivans––what the insane drive. Who wants to sit in traffic on the way to routine, dull responsibilities for what seems like hours? Thankfully, there’s an end in sight; the new Raptor does your errands for you.

Yes, you read that correctly. Think of the F-150 Raptor as your own personal assistant. Raptor writes checks, deposits cash, picks up dry cleaning, shops for groceries––but don’t let him buy off the list!––and even attends doctor appointments for you in a convincing disguise. So how do you activate these features? Simply click the errands button behind the steering wheel, then make a quick dive out of the cabin before you’re dragged to the nearest credit union. The Raptor is on his way, and he won’t stop until he finishes every last task or runs out of gas.

Before you judge a truck on looks alone, assuming that its aerodynamic lines and furrowed-brow headlights are a sign of a mean machine, take a close look at the F-150 Raptor. This truck may be tough when you need him to be, but he’s also a versatile, multi-talented truck with talents, hopes, and dreams. He may not seem sensitive, but that’s just the sort of stereotype that encourages him to close off his emotions. Next time you see a Raptor, pat its hood, lean in, and listen. He has at least seven special talents that he wants to share with you if only someone would give him a chance to shine.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here