Bucklick, SC – Meet Cecil B. Madell, a professional truck driver of 19 years, devoted husband, father of three, fan of classic country and western music, Nascar enthusiast and amateur drag racer. Working 60 hours a week on average, Cecil has reduced the length of his routes in order to spend more time with his family. Contributing approximately $52,000 annually towards household expenses, Cecil’s income is (modestly) subsidized by his wife Maggie’s part-time employment at the local Piggly-Wiggly supermarket. By all accounts, Mr. Madell is an honorable and respected family man and a positive influence within the community. Now, meet Jessica Grant-McMaster, a full-time mother (who employs a full-time nanny) and home-maker (also employing a full-time housekeeper and landscaper, with an interior designer on retainer). Jessica’s husband Michael is a cardiac surgeon enjoying residency in an acclaimed nearby hospital, and serves as the sole breadwinner, setting the household income at $480,000. Considering her ample spare-time, Jessica enjoys passing judgment on others and getting irrationally offended by issues and events that have no lasting effect on her actual life. By all accounts, Mrs. Grant-McMaster is a pretentious and nosey bitch. But what do these two people have in common, aside from their geographic proximity to one another in western South Carolina? Answer: nothing. But it’s not their similarities which unite them in this story…it’s their differences; specifically, their difference of opinion on the topic of mud flaps. Yes, mud flaps…
Since the 1970’s, the mudflaps on countless tractor trailers have been adorned with the iconic “mudflap girl’ silhouette first created by Bill Zinda, a CA-based manufacturer of truck and auto accessories. The graphic, inspired by an exotic dancer named Leta Laroe, depicted the outline of a curvaceous, long-haired woman seated with one leg slightly raised in an enticing matter. The logo gained a cultural resurgence in the early 2000’s as part of hipster culture, emblazoned upon everything from apparel to accessories.
That said, the ‘Mudflap Girl’ still features heavily on actual tractor trailer mudflaps to this day. One such example is the 1994 Peterbilt 379 belonging to Cecil Madell.
“I bought the truck second-hand back in 2001,” explained Mr. Madell. “I didn’t think much of the mudflaps, at the time. My daddy was a trucker, and he had the same ones. In fact, I grew up around truckers and garages, and most of them were sporting mudflap girls as well.”
As reported by local newspaper ‘The Bucklick Blast,’ Mrs. Grant-McMaster initiated a large-scale protest on the Bucklick Common which overflowed onto the front lawn of City Hall, crippling both traffic-flow and commerce in the process. Consisting primarily of upper and upper-middle class socialite wives, the protest was scheduled to fall between AM Yoga / Brunch, and the late-afternoon PTO meeting where the mob planned to strong-arm school administrators into a vegan-friendly lunch menu. The protest, however, was organized solely to protest Mr. Madell’s mudflats, with the intent of forcing him to remove them.
According to Mrs. Grant-McMaster, “Those mudflaps are disgustingly offensive to women everywhere and an unwelcome relic from a less enlightened time, where women were relegated to nothing more than arm-decoration and eye candy! I don’t have daughters, but if I did, I would be horrified to have to explain such a disgusting show of misogyny to them. Mr. Madell should be ashamed of himself. We can hear him coming all the way down the road, so he can’t even deny the fact that he’s trying to rub those mudflap girls in our faces. How disrespectful.”
“I’m not trying to offend anyone,” said Mr. Madell. “And I’d be glad to remove the mudflaps if it truly offends someone. I just wish they would have just asked me, instead of making such a big deal about it.”
And a ‘big deal’ it was. Due to the obstruction caused by the protest, it is estimated that local business lost upwards of $37,000 in revenue within a single afternoon. This, combined with multiple vehicular accidents and injuries within the riotous mob, created a serious threat to the community. Eventually, the crowd subsided (that vegan-friendly menu wouldn’t force itself upon unsuspecting school-children) and Mr. Madell decided to concede, and replace his mudflaps with generic black versions.
“It was the right thing to do,” he explains. “It’s just a shame it had to come to that. I guess some people just need a hobby. Like me…I’m a competitive marksman, and love to shoot all kinds of rifles and handguns.”
Tune in tomorrow for an update on this story, since we’re sure there will be another protest in light of Mr. Madell’s comments.
