Albany, NY – There’s an old Finnish saying about acquiring the right romantic partner, which says, “Oikean naisen kiinnipitämiseksi tarvitset kaksi ponia ja tuulen voimakas tuuli.” Loosely translated, it means, “To catch the right woman, you need two ponies and a stiff enough wind.” And while he isn’t of Finnish descent, an Albany NY used car salesman has become the unexpected poster boy for these homespun words of wisdom.
Meet Brandon “The Mighty Boosh.” Purveyor of automotive excellence. Aficionado of artisanal cheese boards and girly drinks. Raconteur, pub trivia contender and wisecracking “man about town.” Some might say that Brandon Boucher has it all, but if you ask Brandon, he would tell you that none of it matters. Why not? Because he doesn’t have love, that’s why.
Diffusing the sad nature of his plight with trademark charm, Brandon clarifies, “What I do have are two new new-to-you vehicles that are amazingly fun-to-drive. So, if you’ve ever debated a 2018 Ford Mustang vs 2018 Dodge Challenger, come down and see me!”
Shameless plug aside, he then added, “Except maybe not today, because of the Category 1 Storm Warning that’s in effect for the rest of the day.” Referring to the Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Wind Scale, ‘The Boosh’ (as he likes to be called) is referring to Hurricane Bilomi, a storm expected to yield up to 95 mph winds resulting in damaged power lines, outages and uprooted trees. The storm was announced earlier that day and, as a result, ‘Boosh’ told his employees not to come in. However, since he was already there, he decided to stay.
Now, you might be thinking, “Wow, Boosh sounds like a great guy!” but the truth is, aside from preventing his employees from having to drive in a storm, he’s kind of a douche. Yeah, he goes to the gym, but just to take selfies for quick Instagram likes. He’s the kind of guy who constantly clogs up your newsfeed with his Facebook LIVE video streams. He’s the kind of friend who would never jump on a grenade but expects you to be his permanent wingman, ready to ride the fat ripples if he has a shot at a 7 (out of 10). He’s the kind of guy who shops at Modelo, for the finest contemporary urban fashions (which make him look like a young, white Steve Harvey). In fact, these are just some of the reasons why Brandon Boucher has yet to find love.
“Most people are just jealous of me, or intimated by me, “ he shared, his words fading into murmurs when we decided we couldn’t bear to listen to his self-aggrandizing praise any longer. We zoned out a bit, but then blamed it on the increasingly strong wind gusts.
But then, it was one of those wind gusts that threw Naomi Yumiko against the window of his office. Miss Yumiko, a local public access news personality, was on-hand at the dealership broadcasting about the storm. Unfortunately, the intensity with which she hit the window knocked Naomi Yumiko unconscious.
“Well, that makes things easier,” said Brandon Boucher, in a suspiciously discomforting tone. And while we were tempted to call the police, Miss Yumiko regained consciousness soon after ‘Boosh’ has brought her in, laid her across his desk, and taken several selfies for a planned Latergram post about how he heroically saved her life.
So, there you have it…a true Millennial Love Story…
