Breaking News: Vince Neil is Fat, Your Engine Doesn’t Purr Like a Kitten, and We Don’t Care

Breaking news from Jeep dealers in Southern California says that no one cares.

Brace yourself; it’s going to be a very long and hot summer. It’s the days when temperatures either hot or are damn close to triple digits, you’re drowning in your own sweat, you’re tired from lack of sleep due to the heat, and you just saw another stupid article about the cicadas. This time, it was an article about how good they taste. Well, to tell you the truth, nobody wants to hear anything about cicadas for the next 17 years. We all wish the nasty things would die already and be done with it. Do you know what else we are all sick of hearing about? Let’s start with anything related to the pandemic, the election, and Billie Eilish. Seriously? Who cares about Billie Eilish anyway? Next, nobody wants to hear about how fat Vince Neil is and the fact he can’t sing. Give the guy a break; he’s single-handedly destroying whatever is left of the sinking rock genre. And don’t even think about bringing up how hot it is in California and the fact it will probably burn to the ground when the wildfires hit. Jeep dealers in Southern California are giddy with anticipation about the money they will be making when droves of Californians storm their lot to buy a Jeep to escape that god-forsaken state. Lastly, we are sick of car cliches that should have disappeared years ago.

No, Your Car’s Engine Does Not Purr Like a Kitten

Don’t you hate it when an outdated saying just refuses to go away, even if the meaning no longer exists? For example, nobody hangs up the phone anymore, so there is no reason to utter those words. People who say things like that sound like a freaking broken record, which is also a phrase that needs to cease to exist. But we digress; engines don’t purr like kittens or like any other feline for that matter, so quit saying it. Hopefully, when all cars are electric, people will find another stupid thing to say about the sound of their silent electric motor.

Internal combustion engines have cylinders for those of you unfamiliar with such enlightenment. You will often hear gearheads and other so-called car enthusiasts refer to gas engines as a “four-banger” if it has four cylinders, “six-banger” if it has six cylinders, and, well, if you aren’t stupid, you should get the rest of it. Again, hopefully, this phrase will die a slow death like the gas motor.

The Rockford turn is the name of a maneuver in which the driver accelerates in reverse, slams on the brakes, and rapidly turns the wheel to swing the front end of the car around. At this point, the driver slams the car into first gear and punches the gas for a dramatic escape. The phrase comes from the 1970s private eye show called the Rockford Files, which starred James Garner as the lead. Well, sorry to inform you that James Garner is dead, and this phrase should be buried with him. However, on a side note, Rockford drove a sweet-ass gold Pontiac Firebird, which made watching the show worthwhile.

a silhouette of a person shows them squeezing the sun at a jeep dealer in southern California.

Other Phrases That Need to Die in the Summer Heat

Let’s not stop with getting rid of old and outdated car phrases and cliches; there are several phrases we don’t ever want to hear again, especially in the heat of summer. Kodak moments don’t exist anymore; nobody you know owns a Kodak product, much less a camera. Besides, when taking 300 selfies a day for your social media platform, you don’t have time to enjoy an actual Kodak moment. Besides, the only moments worth cherishing this summer will be when the Yankees are officially eliminated from playoff contention. Who doesn’t hate the Yankees?


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