Many of those in search of Chevy vans for sale might have come to the realization that they’re straddling one of the greatest discrepancies between pricing and perception that exists in the automotive marketplace. Sure, Chevy’s Express series stands as the gold standard of van lineups, with the Cargo and Passenger variants confidently answering the demand of today’s working fleets..but what about the public image most commonly associated with plain white vans? And what about the more impressive, yet discontinued, City Express?
Viewed as the natural evolution of the classic work van, albeit with a tech-friendly edge, the City Express served to redefine the image that we most commonly associate with these vehicles. And yet, it seems to have gone to the wayside, which feels odd considering that so many modern business requires more versatile vehicles that can comfortably double as mobile offices. One can only assume that the majority of van sales are still based around bare-bones work truck variants, justifying the change within Chevy’s van lineup.
That said, the decision did spark some concern from van enthusiasts who felt like it represented a step backwards. By removing the model that represented a more evolved image, van owners were left to be judged by the defining cultural perception of white vans. That’s right, we’re talking about shady vehicles most commonly used in forced abduction.
Oh, where to start?
As an independent news provider, we here at THE LEMON feel obligated to report on automotive stories that may not be covered by mainstream automotive news sites. Of course, this is an ugly topic, and one that has tragically affected so many victims.
In effort to reassure the consumer that they were not catering to abductors, a press conference was held by GM Head of Strategic Marketing Candi Phan and newly-appointed GM Press Secretary, Nadya Shea-DeRaypest.
“On behalf of both General Motors and Chevrolet, we are here to address troubling rumors which seem persist within the cultural mindset,” explained Ms. Phan. “Chevrolet’s range of vans have always been designed with the American worker in mind and, while the face of modern business is changing globally, we remain focused on the strength of our most enduring assets. Our decision to focus on the purest demands of laborers and contractors of all kinds is a noble one. And contrary to rumors, we are not embracing a back-to-basics approach to encourage use of vans by abductors.”
“In fact,” added Ms. Shea-DeRaypest, “Chevy is no more guilty for the sullied reputation of white vans than the candy and confectionary industry is. If we’re speaking frankly, who is actually more guilty: the van that an unsuspecting child is pulled into, or the candy that was used as bait? I’ll take the awkward silence as an indication that you’re thinking long and hard about this.”
In fact, the awkward silence had nothing to do with the collective pensiveness of the journalists in attendance. It was just an awkward silence (albeit one that accompanied the entrance of GM Security Staff which had just been assigned to remove the two spokespersons from the premises, as they had been immediately dismissed from their employment by GM).
Fearing that this might represent some sort of cover up, THE LEMON contacted major candy companies such as (i) Mars, Incorporated (ii) Nestle (iii) Hershey (iv) Haribo and (v) Lindt, but none were inclined to comment on a correlation between their products, Chevy vans and reports of abduction.
Frankly, I’ve never felt so fortunate to be an overweight forty-year old man or for my absence of a sweet tooth. That said, if a creepy van pulls up next to me offering a taco buffet, I might be f*cked.
