Chrysler Dealer Introduces Innovative Vaccine Initiative

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A white car sports a vaccine sticker after leaving a Chrysler dealer near Black Forest.

There was once a time when people would talk to their doctor, listen to their advice based on expertise and years of practice, and know that they were receiving the best care possible. Fortunately, such a vapid, milquetoast era is well behind us, and we now know that every piece of scientific information and basic healthcare advice should be questioned, politicized, and ultimately protested in a public forum. Recently, seeing such behavior become widespread, a Chrysler dealer near Black Forest, Colorado, has taken action to assist its customers.

Unless you’ve had the good fortune of being in a coma for the last 16 months or so, you’re aware of the massive global pandemic that has killed more than 3 million people worldwide. While a vaccine is now widely available to help fight back against this, some bold free-thinkers have decided they don’t want it, preferring instead to either die of an avoidable illness or––more likely––allow others to develop a resistance and protect them. One Chrysler dealer near Black Forest that I spoke to has introduced a new initiative to reward people based on their preference for either getting or not getting a vaccine.

One Brave Dealership

For now, the Chrysler dealer near Black Forest that I spoke to would prefer to remain anonymous due to the highly politicized nature of this virus and vaccine. I don’t entirely blame them; after all, public officials and civil servants have had to deal with protests––even at their homes––simply for trying to reinforce safe-health protocols. The percentage of the population that cannot abide mild inconvenience in the name of protecting themselves and others might be small, but it is loud, ignorant, and aggressive.

Rewards for Getting the Vaccine

The Chrysler dealer near Black Forest that I spoke to has a simple reward structure in place for people who get the vaccine: 5% off the MSRP. All you have to do is show them your vaccine card, and you can enjoy a choice discount. If you have a trade-in and you’re vaccinated, then they will extend that discount to up to 10% off the MSRP.

Even if you haven’t gotten the vaccine but you intend to, you can still qualify for this promotion. Simply get vaccinated by the end of the year, provide proof of vaccination, and the discount will remain in effect. If you take advantage of it but fail to get vaccinated, however, then you’ll have to pay the difference back to the dealership at the start of next year.

A vaccine verification is held up in front of a woman wearing a mask.

Rewards for Not Getting the Vaccine

No one wants to feel left out, however, and this brave Chrysler dealer near Black Forest understands that, so those not getting the vaccine can be rewarded too. Anyone who comes in refusing to get the vaccine, selfishly preferring to let others protect them (this doesn’t include people who have legitimate health reasons for not getting it), can qualify for a free tattoo. This tattoo is complimentary and compulsory––a trained professional will inscribe the words “Dangerous Moron” onto your forehead as a warning to others.

A man sports his new face tattoo.

Since this dealership is concerned that some people might not take them up on their kind offer, they’ll be providing it to non-customers as well. Anyone not interested in doing a simple thing to save lives will be given some of this free ink. Just think of it as the rest of the world’s way of saying “Thank you” for your selfishness and apathy.

Editor’s Note: After learning about this bold initiative, we’ve begun reaching out to local businesses in hopes of getting others on board. So far, we’ve had positive feedback from more than 100 retailers from a wide range of industries. If you prefer ignorance to medical science, then please contact us for your free tattoo. Thank you.

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