Colorado Proves That It’s WAY More Progressive Than You Ever Thought!

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Bearded man with beard hugs smoking bear with Jeep tattoo in front of

Colorado Springs, CO – If lingering around an area Jeep Dealership Colorado Springs locals might be familiar with Brandon Parker. It’s worth noting that the prevalence of outdoor enthusiasts across the state of Colorado makes Jeep-brand vehicles overwhelmingly popular, especially the Wrangler in any and all forms. So, imagine how well-known a Jeep enthusiast must be in order to be known as the “Jeep Guy” in a community overrun with Jeeps. Well, Brandon Parker is the “Jeep Guy” (so look no further, unless by “look” you mean “read”, in which case you should certainly continue to do so…)

Possessing as many as four Wranglers at any given time, Parker had risen to fame back in New England through his “Jeep Guy” alter ego. Dismissive of any brand of vehicles aside from Jeeps, he could often be found exclaiming, “JEEP! YASSSS!” to punctuate any discussion about the iconic brand. An avid offroader, Parker was the member of several Jeep clubs but was kicked out of most due to his extremist views. But it was not his seven-slot obsession or love of off-roading alone that lured Brandon Parker (and his Wranglers) to Colorado.

“I pulled the trigger and moved to Colorado Springs about eight months ago,” explains Parker. “I wish it had been under better pretenses, but my wife had fallen ill. Over the course of the last year, we had become duck breeders. It started out as a joke, when my co-worker bought ducks behind my boss’s back and tried to sneak them in as ‘office pets’. When he found them and threatened to decapitate them (since they were procured against his wishes) I offered to take the two ducks home. I then bought two more. And two more. And so on, and so on. Fast forward and our little house on the lake had been overrun. What we didn’t know about was the risk of contracting rare kinds of salmonella from close contact with the ducks. My wife fell victim, and we relocated to Colorado, where the range of climates provided more temperate options than we had in Massachusetts. Also, I was sick of Jeep wannabes judging me.”

Colorado has long since presented itself as a leader among progressive states, setting groundbreaking legislative precedent in such areas as the legalization of marijuana and same-sex unions. This open-mindedness isn’t limited to statewide legislation. It extends to local statutes and even the collective mindset of the state’s inhabitants. Colorado is simply a nice place to live, that offers little in the way of judgment.

“In Colorado Springs, we had enough space for our ducks to roam free in the fresh air. We weren’t in such close quarters, which was good for my wife’s chronic condition. So, we got more ducks! Unfortunately, the more ducks we got, the more strain it placed on our living situation, became she became fixated on caring for the ducks. I’d be ready to go out exploring Mount Baldy, Lizard Head Pass or Hardscrabble and she just wanted to take care of those little quackers! So I got in a habit of going out on my own. Then, one day, I was out on the Alpine Look Scenic Byway…and that’s when I met Lola.”

Lola, a 750-pound brown bear was blocking a path that Parker was trying to navigate. Rising from the path, it climbed onto the side of Parker’s Jeep with intentions that were unclear to Parker, at first.

“Sure, she might have wanted to have me for lunch. That’s when she began to pet my head, then stole one of my cigarettes. I lit it for her, and she motioned her paw forward, so I started driving! Next thing I knew we were home, and Lola didn’t have any desire to leave!”

“I love animals. So, we became fast friends. Then, it became something more than friendship. Fortunately, Colorado is open-minded about this sort of thing and protects polygamous households, as long as a minimum of one of the parties is an animal and the ratio of human to animal is 2:1. Lola has added a whole new dynamic to our household, and we both love her dearly. We just need to keep her away from the ducks!”

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