The premise of a Buy Here Pay Here car dealership is simple. Rather than utilize a third party lender to finance the customer’s purchase, the dealership acts as the lender with the customer making payments directly to them. Such services can benefit buyers with challenged credit who may have been otherwise unable to secure financing and (through the right dealership) can help them to rebuild their credit standing. But even if the core intent is noble, the execution of these services throughout the industry prove somewhat inconsistent. From television news exposes on 20/20 and Dateline, to personal experiences (or those shared with us) a large portion of our society has formed a collective aversion against Buy Here Pay Here dealerships. Such an aversion might be justifiable in many cases, due to shady business practices and scrupulous entrapment of customers within “no-win” circumstances – but surely, the flaws in some Buy Here Pay Here dealerships shouldn’t slander the name of all. Unfortunately, that is the very dilemma faced by many BHPH dealerships. In some cases, they opt to down-play their BHPH services in their corporate branding and marketing, so as not to deter customers from doing business with them. In other cases, they’re forced to craft pageantry and promotions in order to entice prospective buyers. Perhaps this is best evidenced by one Buy Here Pay Here dealership, Columbus Ohio drivers are quite familiar with.
Across three generations, Randy P. Knuckle Auto Sales has thrived as one of Columbus’ most recognizable locally-owned businesses. Now owned and operated by Randy P. Knuckle III, the dealership has specialized in offering quality pre-owned vehicles, as well as buy here pay here services.
“We just like to help people,” says Mr. Knuckle. “Unfortunately, people just don’t take our services at face value anymore. They’re always looking for a snake in the garden as if we’re out to get them or something. It got to the point where visits to our dealership dropped off by over 40%, so we knew we had to do something.”
That ‘something’ came at the suggestion of Mr. Knuckle’s younger sister Camela, a twenty-something whose active social life had exposed her to one of Columbus’ growing industries: the Escape Room. For those unfamiliar, Escape Rooms place a group within a locked room filled with a series of clues that must be solved within a set time-frame in order for them to ‘escape.’ Such businesses have popped up around the globe in the past few years, but Columbus seems to have taken a particular shine to them. With that in mind, it seemed like a no-brainer.
“We figured that we’d set up a pop-up Escape Room, offering winners a discount on their vehicle purchase. We had even decided to enter winners in the drawing for a larger cash prize, which we set at $5,000! And boy, were we pleased to see how well it worked in terms of attracting customers!”
Unfortunately, the success was only felt temporarily as it quickly turned to failure.
“The enclosed escape room consisted of one door in and one door out. It was designed to accommodate twelve participants at a time, who would enter the room and have the door locked time-locked behind them. As with the entrance, the exit would be locked in synchronization, connected to the same timer, which would be set for 10 minutes. We figured that we could run four groups an hour through the escape room, and as many as forty throughout the length of the Saturday promotion.”
Unfortunately, the promotion never extended past the first hour, due to a series of mishaps. First, the room was filled three times past its intended twelve-person capacity.
“It just seemed like there was a lot of space available,” offered Escape Room operator, Brayden Leftkowicz. “Plus, I was trippin’ balls on Ayahuasca at the time. So I just kept herding people in. My bad, I guess.”
While this alone wouldn’t have been a major problem, a timer malfunction on the door locks left the 36+ individuals trapped within room with no means of escape. Adding concern was the ever-rising temperature.
“Yeah. It was an awesome day,” said Leftkowicz. “It started off in the low-60’s, but there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. By 1 PM it was well into the 80’s, and I scored a serious base-tan. Look!”
Needless to say, the suntan of a stoner was the least of anyone’s concern as rising temperatures put the inhabitants of the escape room at growing risk. The dramatic nature of the event was compounded by the increasing crowd that was gathering, both organically and as a result of social media posts about the tragedy.
“And during this time, NO-ONE was buying a damn car,” explains Mr. Knuckle. “It was a disaster!”
Fortunately, emergency response teams were able to circumvent the malfunctioning timer to release the door locks and free the inhabitants before there were any casualties.
“Well, except for that one guy,“ explains Leftkowicz, inhaling something out of a vape pen. “But one out of 38? I’m not mathematician, but that’s a pretty high success rate from my point-of-view.”
(Editorial Footnote: It was at this point in the interview that Mr. Knuckle gave chase to Mr. Leftkowicz who, admittedly, was surprisingly fleet-footed for someone so damn high. Due to the pending police investigation, we’re unable to release any information as to whether or not there was an assault, but let’s just say that “Mr. Knuckle” earned his name. It is now reported that Randy P. Knuckle Auto Sales will be hosting a cage fighting event where prospective buyers can fight Mr. Knuckle for a chance to win a discount on their purchase and be entered in the drawing for a cash prize. According to authorities, “He has some anger he needs to work off.”)
