2018 GMC Sierra 2500HD

As if pulled from some kind of Libertarian nightmare, recent months have presented us with coverage of what feels like a record-setting amount of congressional and governmental inquiries. Compounded with press conferences detailing the hirings and firings of Presidential appointments, the nation feels torn between the burdensome desire for knowledge and the luxury of ignorance. And in a land where bipartisan efforts feel all but absent within our divided society, we have been inundated with visibility of such sessions in all forms of media. No longer relegated to television coverage that interrupts our favorite programs, we receive the added option of live streaming the coverage from the comfort of our phones, tablets, laptops, and desktops.

Take, for example, last month’s grilling of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. Throughout the course of the congressional hearings, Zuckerberg was held accountable for 87 million Americans private information being compromised through Facebook’s perceived lack of security parameters. Engulfed in public interest, the claims were linked to concerns of election tampering and collusion with the Russian government. Needless to say, millions of individual viewed the hearing with bated breath, watching the proceedings in every format available.

Now, it appears that Mary T. Barra, CEO of General Motors will be the next to receive the unwanted attention of our government. In recent weeks, there has been ample speculation as to the nature of the claims GM would be facing. However, anyone concerned that General Motors was being accused of any kind of ‘anti-patriotic’ agenda can rest easy, as detailed in the formal press release of the congressional committee.

“The purpose of this congressional hearing is to identify General Motors’ true intention in offering tandem programs, identifiable by Chevrolet and GMC corporate badging. Widely indistinguishable, the committee has been charged with the task of confirming whether or not this represents an attempt by General Motors to deceive the American people in the hopes of securing a larger market share.”

The perceived need for the hearing was initiated on the Senate floor by Vice Chair of Conference, Elizabeth Warren (D-Massachusetts) who claimed that “General Motors is almost certainly guilty of deceiving the American people by offering products that are largely confusing in the indistinguishable nature of their existence. The average American only has a passing familiarity with the distinction between various makes and models. It’s daunting enough for our American people to discern between automakers without the the automakers making that process of selection more confusing. As my Indian ancestors understood, centuries ago, there is a strength in both brevity and reservation. Oops. We’re not supposed to say ‘reservation’ anymore. But my point is this, what is the true difference between the 2018 Chevy Silverado 2500HD and the 2018 GMC Sierra 2500? What gives General Motors the right to offer both lineups, potentially deceiving the American people? Why does only one of those lineups have “GM” as part of its name? Does anyone have any water? Is the room spinning? Am I complete idiot? Did Mitch McConnell slip something into my drink? I’m Native American! I’M NATIVE AMERICAN!!!”

As Senator Warren was carted away in a straight jacket, Senator of Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) admitted to some level of confusion, stating, “Are you (expletive deleted) kidding me? This is what we’re spending our time and money on, now?”


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