This year’s Sedan Bowl was set to be a divisive face-off between the 2020 Ford Fusion and the 2020 Chevy Malibu. A rapid red metallic Titanium Fusion was all set to gear up against a cajun red Premier Malibu in a red-hot race to the finish line. Both vehicles were tightly matched with similar horsepower (245-250) and torque (260-275 lb-ft). It was truly anybody’s game.
Hailing for the great state of Indiana, this particular Chevy Malibu was an underdog with a lot of promise. This American brand from a dealership in the heartland of our country was ready to take on Ford’s long-standing record of wins. Fans traveled all the way to Foxborough, Massachusetts, where the race atmosphere was brimming with excitement. Despite their enthusiasm, the Malibu failed to deliver on the hopes and dreams of its many followers from afar.
New England fans roared with victory as the Massachusetts-sourced Fusion flew into first place, securing the highly coveted top spot for best performing family-friendly sedan. The win was raucously celebrated in Boston bars that raged to the wee hours of the morning with frothy pitchers of Sam Adams overflowing from the tap and endless platters of fish and chips being served up by the boatload.
However, a closer examination of the post-race conditions painted a very different picture than gleefully Bostonians could have ever imagined.
As referees closely examined the Fusion and Malibu, it started to become clear that something was amiss. One vehicle was given a clear advantage on race day, as tire pressure on the Malibu was discovered to be significantly below the recommended PSI value. This realization rapidly raised suspicions of foul play by Ford, exposing a deeper level of bad sportsmanship that was never before seen.
Fans in disbelief quickly tried to pin the discrepancy on weather conditions, noting below-average temperatures at the event this year. Nonetheless, this fails to explain why Ford’s tires checked out at proper inflation levels despite being exposed to the same environment.
A deeper investigation into the weeks leading up to the event revealed surveillance footage from the garage where the vehicles were being held prior to the race. Here, a body shop attendant is clearly seen removing the two front tires of the Malibu and retreating into the restroom with them for a mysterious time period of 90 seconds. While no one has been charged with the crime, there’s no denying the suspect nature of what was seen in that footage.
Deflated tires mark a new low for the beloved all-American sport of car racing. Unfortunately, as the event stakes rose to new heights, so did the greed-fueled temptation for a win by any means necessary. For the first time in our nation’s history, it appears the commercial breaks were less misleading and corrupt than the main event. Despite Ford’s ultimate agreement to pay a 1 million dollar fine as penance, this year’s stunt is sure to leave a permanent stain on the Sedan Bowl for many years to come.