Los Angeles, CA – From the fun, funky and accessibly priced Spark to the iconic and enduring Impala, Chevy cars have evolved to embrace the equally evolved expectations of car buyers everywhere. In fact, out of economically priced offerings, Chevy might just be the most successful automaker when it comes to the integration of technologies. As part of a truly connective society, drivers (and passengers alike) have made certain demands when it comes to the availability of WiFi and smartphone integration. Laws now require hands-free Bluetooth connectivity, and we are growing progressively more spoiled with driver-assistive features like adaptive braking, lane keep, and parking assist. As of 2018, countless automakers have, or are in the process of, integrating such technologies. Chevy’s been doing the lion’s share of it for years.

But how much technology is too much?

It’s been widely-publicized that automakers are racing towards autonomous driving technologies; partnering with tech companies to create the next generation of self-driving cars. And General Motors’ recent formation of a partnership with tech giant CDS prove to be the most interesting of all. A former military contractor, CDS contributions to national and global safety are lesser-known due to the privileged nature of the details involved. That said, they were publicly instrumental in the creation of a “global information grid” and digital defense network which allowed for the remote command of computerized military hardware. This, of course, is the foundation upon which their autonomous driving platform will be built.

But General Motors is fully aware that the idea of autonomous vehicles takes some getting used to. “It’s a bit of a trust fall, isn’t it?” offers Project Manager, Miles Dyson. “Then again, so were the first motorized carriages that bridged the gap between horses and cars. This is simply another paradigm shift in the manner we get from Point A to Point B.”

With this in mind, General Motors recently arranged for an Los Angeles dealership to host one of their beta-test vehicles. Officially designated the Chevy CDS800 Model 101, the vehicle is a modified 2018 Chevy Volt featuring the sensor array required for it to interpret its surroundings and “speak” with other autonomous vehicles.

“And yes, it can speak to you to,” offers Dyson. “From navigation to voice control, the CDS800 is about as close to an actual person, as a car has ever been, and we tried to have some fun with that. For example, we signed a contract with various Hollywood Talent Agencies to procure the voice likeness of iconic celebrities. Not only can your car talk to you, but it can sound like everyone from Christopher Walden to Cardi B! Our personal favorite, however, is Arnold Schwarzenegger.” He then motioned to the car, “Right, Arnold?”

To which the car replied, in a recognizable Austrian accent, “Come with me if you want to live.”

It was then that the dealership fell under the attack of two individuals, who would later be identified as Sarah Connor, a Los Angeles college student and an alleged soldier by the name of Kyle Reese. The two were held for questioning but claimed that their attack was intended to halt the development of the CDS800 Model 101.

According to Reese, CDS (or Cyberdyne Systems) was developing technology which would gain sentience and inevitably wage war on humanity.

“That’s ridiculous,” claims Dyson. “We’re just making it easier to get around. Someday, we’ll all look back and laugh at this, when we’re cruising around in our brand new, fully-autonomous Chevy Skynet! Ooooh, I like the sound of that!”


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