In an attempt to boost sluggish sales, stop climate change, and appease the snowflake liberal media in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, Ford Motor Company announced earlier this week that it had begun manufacturing masks for the 2020 Ford Expedition and several other Ford models.
The move came as a surprise to many who were unaware that vehicles such as the 2020 Ford Expedition and 2020 GMC Yukon, along with other planet destroying SUV’s were not only responsible for climate change, but were also largely to blame for the spread of the coronavirus which has now claimed the lives of more than 400,000 nursing home residents.
Evidence released in a joint tweet by the CDC and EPA last week confirmed that the Ford Expedition did indeed help spread the coronavirus, and explained that the negative effects of fossil fuel emissions and coronavirus emissions could be mitigated by masks on the hoods of the SUVs. It was that tweet that prompted Ford to take action.
“The harm of the planet at the wheels of SUVs like the Ford Expedition has been 100% accurate, science-based fact for years,” read the tweet from totallytrustworthyepacdctweets.com.
The tweet continued by saying, “In the wake of the coronavirus and the in no way draconian lockdown measures imposed by local governments around the country, we realized that the coronavirus was still spreading through Ford Expedition emissions.”
It is speculated that, while the virus was still spreading, the huge success of mask-wearing initiatives of people did slow the spread enough to cause the EPA to wonder if masks on cars would help with reducing gas emissions from SUVs. While the final verdict is still pending, it didn’t prevent these two government agencies from deciding they knew best and issuing rules and guidelines mandating the Ford Expedition come with a mask.
Although other SUVs like the 2020 GMC Yukon were not explicitly linked to both planet destroying and people killing via fossil fuel emissions and the coronavirus in the same way the Ford Expedition was, GMC wanted to make it look like they were concerned, and has voluntarily started their own “masks for SUVs” initiative too.
“If people can spread the coronavirus, it only makes sense that cars and SUVs can too,” explained Kiefer McFarland, the head of research and development at GMC. “We want people to think we care about emissions and the spread of the coronavirus and making masks for the Yukon seemed like a great way to mmmhmmmmm hummdpikn.” (The last few words of his speech were muffled under the oversized mask McFarland had donned for his appearance).
To date, both companies have made approximately 200,000 SUV masks combined, and production should begin to increase in the coming weeks. While it is difficult to determine how both companies plan to manage such a quick pivot to producing masks made primarily of fabric, it is reasonable to assume that all clothing factories in the country and the world over will stop making clothes and work on masks instead.
“People don’t really need clothes,” explained Jerry Bluth, a PR rep for Ford. “There is no scientific evidence that clothing helps stop the spread of the coronavirus or the spread of planet destroying SUV emissions either for that matter.”
Bluth went on to note how successful Ford and other car companies’ ventilator making shift went and how not all of the ventilators they produced are sitting, unused in a heap of wasted metal.
While the 2020 Ford Expedition and 2020 GMC Yukon are the first SUVs to come with and require masks on the vehicle while it is being driven, they are most likely not the last. It is expected that in order to appear like they care on social media, other car companies will most likely start making and mandating masks for their cars, trucks, and SUVs too.
“All of this, everything related to masks and the coronavirus just makes so much sense,” emphasized Bluth.