When engineer Clover Builder was at a bar during Thanksgiving, they heard a young man attempt to describe their new Ford Explorer to a young lady. Ultimately, the conversation was painful to sit through.
“They knew nothing about their new ride,” Builder said. “They knew that the color was blue, they knew it was a pickup truck… and that was about it. Considering the vehicle was relatively new, I couldn’t believe that the individual couldn’t provide more information on their new purchase. They truly sounded stupid, and it was sad to watch.”
That’s when Builder had an idea. The Ford engineer quickly got to work on a new smartphone application called “Wingman 2000.” The program is intended to provide new owners with elementary information about their new ride, preventing them from sounding stupid when talking to another individual. Instead of citing obvious cosmetic attributes, owners could now discuss specific specs and technologies.
“Now, instead of simply citing the color of the vehicle, these individuals can start talking about horsepower or fuel efficiency,” Builder explained. “That one night in the bar, I saw how disinterested the young lady was when the young man was describing his new trucks. Now, thanks to our new smartphone application, these Ford owners can explain the ins and outs of their new ride.”
The application has already debuted on both Apple and Android to much fanfare, as Ford owners from around the world have taken advantage of the useful program. One bro, Chad Montgomery, has found that the application has already backed up its name at the bar.
“The Wingman 2000 is truly the ultimate wingman,” he explained. “I, uh, had a head injury, so it’s difficult for me to remember a whole lot about my new Ford. Thanks to this application, I can actually talk to girls about my new pickup without sounding like a complete dumb-dumb who can’t talk English.”
The application is relatively simple to use. Owners simply have to submit information about their specific vehicle, noting any notable trims or features. Then, the application will begin spewing fun facts about the ride, reminding you of the information that will be most appealing to other individuals. In fact, users can choose between different modes, with each of these individual offerings providing their own host of useful information.
For instance, the “girl” mode will talk about all the power that’s lingering under your hood, and it will help emphasize that your “dick actually isn’t small” (as Montgomery explained). Alternatively, owners can choose from a “bro mode,” which will discuss all of the latest technologies included in the ride, a “parent mode,” which will describe important safety information, and a “mechanic” mode, which will display information that will be useful to anyone who may be fixing up your ride.
At the end of the day, Ford wants their customers to sound knowledgeable when they’re discussing their new ride, and that will be more than possible when they opt for the “Wingman 2000.”
“Ford owners are obviously some of the most intelligent consumers in the industry,” Ford said in a press release. “After all, it was pretty smart of them to opt for our vehicles in the first place. However, regardless of these individuals’ intellect, they can now sound more than smart when they’re discussing their new vehicle in a social setting. Gone are the days where you can only site the color of your ride. Now, you can bring up specific information about your engine, technology, or any other notable attribute.”
Count Montgomery among those who couldn’t live without the Wingman 2000.
“All my friends are, like, losers,” he said. “They don’t want to chill anymore because they’re all wifed up and their girlfriends won’t let them go out. Whatever. Thanks to the Wingman 2000, I can all but guarantee that girls will be impressed by everything that’s included in my new Ford… and I’ll even sound a bit smart when I’m describing it!”
