Border Patrol

This week, the Mexican / American Border Patrol seized dozens of vehicles, attempting to cross from Mexico to the United States. The record-setting seizure of these 127 vehicles was initiated by border patrol dogs, each of which identified the presence of illegal narcotics within the body of the vehicle.

The details of the bust were elaborated upon further by Border Patrolman Aaron Pratt, who stated, “The seizure, which consisted of 127 pickup trucks of various makes and models, were flagged by our drug-sniffing canine officers. As indicated by the fact that each of these dogs is trained to identify different types of narcotics, some of the vehicles were flagged as carrying marijuana while the majority were flagged on suspicion of cocaine.”

According to the published report, each of the vehicles was examined (and broken apart as needed) to identify the location of the illegal contraband. Unfortunately, no drugs could be found.  It was at this point that the agents turned their attention to the truck bed liners.

While the initial results of the investigation had led the officers to believe that there was no connection between the vehicles and/or drivers, examination of the truck bed liners would lead to different results.

Coincidentally, each of the truck owners happened to be customers of a new after-market truck accessory company called Pato Traje Empresas. A limited liability corporation, Patro Traje Empresas in an environmentally-friendly manufacturer that specializes in the creation (and installation) of truck bed liners, made out of sustainable materials.

THE LEMON reached out to executive vice-president Marron Grande-Mierda, in the hopes of gaining a better understanding of the company’s unique approach. “It’s all about saving the planet, man. Here in Mexico, the most sustainable crop we have is Marijuana, and the most effective chemical bonding agent just happens to be cocaine. So, we figured, why keep using non-recyclable plastics that can’t be broken down? This way, we’re minimizing the impact of illegal narcotics, by putting these substances to more productive use.”

Assuming that only trace elements of marijuana and cocaine were being used to construct these bed liners, we inquired as to what percentage of each bed liner was built from drugs.

“Oh, all of it, gringo,” clarified Señor Grande-Mierda. “In fact, if you set one of our bed liners on fire, you’d be trying to bite your own shoulder for days, ese. But hey, at least it wouldn’t be bad for the environment.”

Currently, all 127 vehicles are being held at the border, pending final results of the investigation. Other vehicle owners confirmed as patrons of Pato Traje Empresas were contacted, and made aware that they’d be unable to drive across the border until further notice.

This unprecedented seizure has prompted a multifaceted exploration of potential loopholes that could be exploited if narcotic-based items such as the truck bed liners were allowed to pass through the border. Only time will tell if Patro Traje Empresas future will be ‘up in smoke’.


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